Back to work tomorrow following bereavement

Chiavennasca · 2025-09-07T17:19:24+00:00

My mum died quite suddenly on Thursday 26th June from pancreatic & bowel cancer. She was diagnosed 3 days prior. She was 61. My work has been excellent with me. I originally had 2 weeks bereavement leave and then went on the sick for 8 weeks. (We get paid 12 weeks sick but I didn’t want to use it all up.) I’m doing a staggered return over the next 2 weeks before I’m back to 9-5 full time. I do feel ready to go back. People say you just know in yourself, and I do. But why do I also feel so guilty? Like “moving on” is criminal. I don’t really know why I’m posting. Just looking for a handhold I guess. I’ve no idea what to expect tomorrow.

SerendipityDiamond · 07/09/2025 18:25

Dear OP

Sorry for your loss.

I know if it was my mum she would absolutely want me to move forwards and get back to some kind of normality.

It doesn’t lessen how much you loved her or how much you miss her.

Good luck.

Daleksatemyshed · 07/09/2025 18:33

Your DM wouldn't have wanted you to be unhappy forever Op. You've mourned her and you always will but now it's time to go back to some sort of normal life. I hope you'll have a good first day back at work

mondaytosunday · 07/09/2025 18:41

Gosh. I didn’t take any time off with my Dad, I found it helpful to keep to regular routine and maybe I’m really good at compartmentalising. I wasn’t working when my mother died and she was almost 90 and not well so it was her time to go so I felt sad but not bereft.
Im sure you’ll be ok and it might do you good to get stuck in and get your mind of it. I’m sorry for your loss. You will always miss your mum.

Seawolves · 07/09/2025 18:43

Hand holding, you don't get over the death of a loved one but slowly, over time, life grows around the grief and that is OK it doesn't mean you love or miss them any less.

KpopDemon · 07/09/2025 18:51

Grief sends you weird emotions in a weird order. It’s 4 years since my mum died unexpectedly (albeit much older than your mum). There are still days when I’m bereft, but most of the time I function normally. Or at least I appear to, whilst every part of me still aches to have more time with her.

Don’t feel guilty about moving on. You will never really “move on” - you will carry on. There’s a difference.

Good luck and hope you find lots of normal things to do to keep your mind busy tomorrow.

BunnyLover7 · 07/09/2025 19:06

So sorry for your loss OP - that must have been incredibly difficult to process as it happened so quickly. Hope you have a really good day tomorrow 💐

dmango · 08/09/2025 13:36

Hi @Chiavennasca I hope your first day back was ok and you were well supported by your colleagues.
I lost my mum this year although she was much older than yours, I'm closer to your mum's age. I just wanted to say I felt and still feel guilty about having to move forward but I do know that's what my mum would want for me. I also think being that bit older has made me think somewhat about that what I want for my children when the time comes. I'd hate them to feel guilty about moving forward and I would want them to carry on move and continue to thrive and have rich lives without me but carrying me in their hearts.
I know it's hard though and I wish you strength and love x

bigwhitedog · 08/09/2025 13:41

mondaytosunday · 07/09/2025 18:41

Gosh. I didn’t take any time off with my Dad, I found it helpful to keep to regular routine and maybe I’m really good at compartmentalising. I wasn’t working when my mother died and she was almost 90 and not well so it was her time to go so I felt sad but not bereft.
Im sure you’ll be ok and it might do you good to get stuck in and get your mind of it. I’m sorry for your loss. You will always miss your mum.

Is this supposed to be helpful? Even the faux shocked 'gosh'.

I'm sorry for your loss OP, it's good you feel ready to go back and I hope it goes well for you. If it doesn't, look after yourself.

AintNoPunshineWhenShesGone · 08/09/2025 13:41

My dad died 2 days after yours and I got 3 days bereavement leave, so I just had to get straight back into it.

I went back for a week and then took 2 weeks annual leave because there was just so much to do, with planning the funeral and burial etc.

It was tough but I found that getting back to work was really good for my mental health.

Wishiwasonabeachinmaldives · 08/09/2025 16:06

My parents died within 4 months of each other and one of them from pancreatic cancer. Work were great and I did get time off but it wasn’t long. Grief is a funny thing as you’re in autopilot for a while and then something reminds you they’re dead and then it hits you in the face again. I decided to go for a new role as a change (which was a nightmare in the end) so don’t do anything drastic at this stage. I’ve always worked so sitting round thinking about it all in my head wouldn’t have helped. Your DM will want you to do what is best for you. All the best Op

Original poster

Chiavennasca · 08/09/2025 18:01

Wishiwasonabeachinmaldives · 08/09/2025 16:06

My parents died within 4 months of each other and one of them from pancreatic cancer. Work were great and I did get time off but it wasn’t long. Grief is a funny thing as you’re in autopilot for a while and then something reminds you they’re dead and then it hits you in the face again. I decided to go for a new role as a change (which was a nightmare in the end) so don’t do anything drastic at this stage. I’ve always worked so sitting round thinking about it all in my head wouldn’t have helped. Your DM will want you to do what is best for you. All the best Op

So interesting to read your post as I have actually been browsing new jobs. I’m happy in my job and have been here for 3 years but just felt like I fancied a change. Maybe it’s the grief talking.

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