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Difficult colleague making work unbearable

5 replies

Keeeeepdancing · 04/09/2025 23:40

Worked in my job for a year now. Everything has been OK so far but over the last month or so colleague has been getting to me.
She always has a negative outlook and makes our office unbearable at times with her mood swings. Its like walking on egg shells. She's often spoken over me when we both have been in a conversation with people. She makes it abput herself often. We both do the same role, yes she is alot more experienced than me but I've learnt quickly in a year and feel confident doing the role now.
Its almost like she cant stand that im now confident in what im doing and in some ways outperforming her.

Today was the toughest day yet. I could have honestly cried at various times in the day. It was her usual moan about how stressed she is and this created a horrible atmosphere. Tbh its also partly other managers who are getting me down too. I feel they are passing her critical info that I also need. We both do the same role so I also need to be in the loop too. Colleague moans how much work she has but refuses to share it with me.
There is one part to our job that is very stressful and time consuming. Our boss asked me to take on the majority of it last year and I did.
This year I wanted to get ahead and put procedures and plans in place to make it more efficient and effective as they were still working paper based when there was no need and I moved.it online. Boss was behind this and sent an email saying going forward all online please. I also wanted to clarify who's responsibility it was with boss but she wouldn't give a clear answer and basically said me and colleague would need to share it.
Today colleague has gone back to paper which isnt a live document obviously and hinders this certain piece of work as I have no clue what she is doing and we could end up duplicating work which would make us look stupid to outside clients. I tried to approach in a joking manner with colleague amd say nooooo we said we were doing it online remember. Colleague then gets defensive and angry and says she cant deal with computers (we need to deal with them for our job). The paper thing is exactly the same but just online. She then got in a big mood with me and wouldn't really speak to me. We did a presentation and during that made a point to say to others about not being computer literate and completely understanding if others aren't....wtf no need to say that, clear dig at me.
Now work office atmosphere is worse.
I've emailed boss asking for a chat tomorrow. Boss has not responded to it but has responded to other emails which im copied into.
I've already spoken to boss previously about my concerns. They said would discuss with colleague but never did. Boss is quite friendly with colleague more so than me. I feel boss doesnt want to rock the boat and will therefore not do much.
I feel really on my own, frustrated in my role and tbh I feel others go to colleague more than me because she shouts the loudest and has been in the role longer even though im more than capable. She's very personable to pthers and will come across to them as their best friend but will slag them off in the office. I don't know what to do tbh.

OP posts:
Cakeandcoffee93 · 05/09/2025 03:51

Just tell her how you feel. Tell her what’s been going on. She needs a wake up call

verycloakanddaggers · 05/09/2025 04:48

You can't fix this if the manager doesn't want to tackle it. You get paid whether you work on paper or online.

Stop discussing the colleague and focus on discussing the work.

Tell you manager the work is now on paper, say you're happy to work either way but obviously can't dictate how others work.

Just cover your back and look for another job.

Monty27 · 05/09/2025 04:56

This is a management issue and need to manage it, not you.
If management don't sort it, escalate it to HR.

whimsicallyprickly · 05/09/2025 05:36

It's not your job to deal with or try to sort out your colleague

If she's senior to you and has chosen to change that particular job to paper, then you'll have to work on paper
You can't have 2 systems running at once

If Management and HR won't deal with her, tell her how she's affecting you and ask her to change, then you either put up with it or leave

There isn't any other option

It seems to me that its mainly you that she doesn't like and that might be because she sees you as a threat

cleo333 · 05/09/2025 06:13

I’ve just left a job like that, utterly frustrated and actually miserable day to say - life is too short to be miserable or frustrated at work

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