Fight or Flight mode...

[MarvinForPresident]

I have a new senior manager who I think has the knives out.
I have a meeting with them today, about a project. There is something 'off' about the meeting.
I am already shaking and my stomach is in knots.
I have told myself I can't control what they do, but I can control how I respond - I need to be calm, let them do the talking, exit if the meeting goes off topic.

What else can I do?

Start keeping a record. With a new manager easy to do as best practise. Keep notes and send through a brief post meeting follow up mail with bulleted key points and actions.

Hopefully your gut is wrong.

I'm already keeping notes. I've had a meeting with them before that was very difficult. And there is other stuff...

I'm worried I'll get angry or defensive.

Place you right hand in your heart and talk to your brain.

’There is nothing to be afraid of, l am safe’

This will calm the vagus nerve. Just keeping your hand on your heart will calm you down.

This is much more useful than 3 deep breaths.

Do NOT get angry or defensive. You can use phrases like:

I understand
OK
Right
"can I please check I've understood? <repeat back what you think you heard>

Ask what the outcomes or actions are or will be, presumably there will be some?

Thank you. Excellent advice.

Holding the heart sounds like a really good idea.

I plan to take notes throughout the meeting as I think this will calm me.

Hopefully I can do both.

Union rep here (and have been through similar).

Go to the meeting, take notes and then, anything you think they say that is treating you unfairly etc etc you email them after, saying you understood they said x and please could they clarify this is correct within 48 hours.

Your own notes just support your side. Putting it in writing may make them back off.

Oh - and my other advice is to join a union.

Thank you - yes - very good point about putting it in writing.

I have joined a Union....

Thank you. The advice above was very helpful. I stayed calm.

It was a very strange discussion, about a bit of work that the manager wants me to add to my regular task list. I have quite a lot of ideas about this particular area of work - which I'd love to develop and there is appetite for it - but was shut down.

I can't help thinking that this is a test in some way, and that it will come back on me.

Slept on this. What came out of it was that I feel totally unvalued and disempowered. I've been at the place of work for a while and bring a lot of previoius experience. All of that was discounted.