Manager at wits end

[simmzz]

Hoping to get some unbiased opinions on this ongoing rollercoaster I'm dealing with at work. I'm currently in a senior position, directly reporting to the execs and tipped to move up to exec level in the next few years. I oversee a team of 5 and for the most part it's a fantastic team- couldnt be prouder of their dedication to getting the job done and their attitude at work, with the exception of one colleague.

She was hired a few months before I joined ( just under 2 years ago) by the previous person in my position who then opted to leave for an opportunity too good to pass up. She was hired in an assistant position as she was still completing her qualifications (we are in finance) with the goal of her completing and dropping the assistant title, progressing etc as the normal path in finance.

However it's just been an absolute rollercoaster managing this person over the last year or so. We have had several instances where she missed deadlines and have had to be gently nudged to complete tasks (she cited month end as the excuse but we all deal with month end and get our regular tasks done). There have been times where she has just checked out from the team, not really contributing in team meetings and citing that she doesn't feel apart of the team, so much so it drove myself and another manager to begin having twice weekly check ins with her to motivate and keep her in the loop as much as we can.

The pace at which she completes tasks is also questionable. For instance I passed on one month end task to her to have a go at for a few months in the name of progression. It took her 6 hers to complete while it takes me less than an HR. Granted I do have more experience but even accounting for the experience gap, using almost a full workday for one task that takes others an HR has a huge impact. After a few months I ended up taking the task back because it impacted the entire team competing their tasks.

Late last year she applied for an internal position (a step up) and I supported it, even working to coach her for the interviews. In the end, someone was better suited sadly (and has truly shone in that role). In an effort to continue encouraging her, i have worked with other managers to get her on ad hoc projects to give exposure. This turned out disastrous as she didn't even respond to the email for 3 weeks. In the end , someone helped and has gone on to own that project.

Recently she has just not shown up to 1:1s and cancels meetings she would lead with no explanation. Refused to join the team meeting saying it offers no value to her. She has become very standoffish with me, wouldn't even acknowledge a good morning in the office from myself. Last week she was off sick and did not even inform me. I found out that day through the HR system after which I had to scramble to cover her tasks as they were time sensitive. I booked an in person check in to give her a chance to voice what has been going and speak to her about these things, reminding her she needs to attend meetings and speak to me directly if she is ill (which is not a problem I just need to know!). She has no reason why she didn't attend the check ins etc.

A day later I have found out she has been speaking to others in the office saying she doesn't like the working relationship with me and I make it difficult etc. however it's not to HR or anyone else where she is looking for action like a mediation to voice her concerns or request a manager change etc. she has also never voiced anything in the check ins twice weekly for months! Multiple sources have now fed this back to me. A fellow manager also flagged that she has been mentioning she would like to take on some tasks I do. However she never voiced it to me. I'm due to have a check in with her tomorrow and I'm at a loss at what to do with this one. As much as I have tried to be a kind manager and encourage her progression I feel I'm not getting anything in return to work with. Thoughts on how to handle this please? For context, she and I are similar ages and she holds a master's but just hasn't completed her chartered qualifications. She mentioned this as a comment.

Sorry for such a long one!

I wouldn’t be surprised if she was interviewing elsewhere during the “sick” leave. Hopefully she’ll be successful!

I agree, with this person. Definitely don’t take it personally, develop yourself with confidence and work to company policy. - trust me, I’ve managed a few very difficult astute employees who thought they knew more or could get round the legal loopholes. At the end of the day, underperforming is no constructive dismissal. Please have the confidence to remember that. And don’t be scared by the woke workforce. HR policies are there to support the business and you.

Thank you both. Very helpful responses. I have begun following these actually (HR has been looped in, have been completely transparent with my manager etc) so it's good to know I'm on the right track. I agree, it just needs to be very clear cut: either she meets objectives or exits.

It seems to me you’ve been avoiding tackling this head on.
Avoiding issues didn’t make them go away in fact it gets worse.
Arrange a meeting and outline expectations for both performance and behaviour moving forward.
Then folllow up with an email.
If no improvement HR processes. PIP.
You need to let her know you are the manager and this is unacceptable.

Based on what you’ve described, this isn’t just “a bit of friction” — it’s a long-standing performance and engagement problem that’s now bleeding into professionalism, trust, and team culture. You’ve already put in significant time, patience, and tailored support, and she’s still not meeting the baseline expectations of her role. At this point, kindness without accountability risks making you appear permissive, which will undermine you in the eyes of your team and senior leadership. You're letting one team member sabotage your career progression.

As for tomorrow's meeting:
Go in with specific examples written down, stay calm and factual, and structure it as: 1) State the purpose, 2) Give concrete examples and their impact, 3) Outline exact expectations for her role, 4) Explain consequences if there’s no improvement, 5) Ask if there are any barriers, and 6) Close by recapping expectations and follow up in writing.

This has moved beyond a skills gap into accountability and attitude issues. I’d document everything, hold a formal meeting in a week or so (ideally with HR) to again set clear expectations and consequences, and make it clear that without immediate improvement, you’ll move to a formal performance process.

She doesn’t respect you and I’m not surprised. I echo others, you are being way too supportive and “nice”, she needs a bollocking (professionally) and a pip/written warning. This is why women are overlooked in the workplace. Stop being such a push over. Support those who give a shit and give this one a bomb up their arse…

If she’s been there for less than 2 years, then you might want to be clever about whether you put her on a PIP and for how long. At the moment (unless the law has already changed and I know that a change is being implemented soon), she doesn’t have any protection about being dismissed for the first 2 years. You might be better to just dismiss her now rather than put her on a PIP and her tip over her second anniversary in the role and gain protection which makes it much harder to manage her out.

It is so easy for people to come on here saying you are a shit manager, I have a staff member exactly like this and unless you have a good HR team you are on a hiding to nothing. Our HR made me have a meeting with said employee to "lay out the expectation that they must come to work". I shit you not.

OP, it sounds like you have a good plan going forwards, just stick to it. People like this breed resentment and stress.

Everyone saying put her on a PIP, my understanding is that you can’t just do that tomorrow. You need to go informal warning first then move onto to PIP to support her with improvements with objectives and actions that are clearly documented, formal warning, final warning, out. Gross misconduct allows you to move faster.

OMG my manager would not put up with any of this!! The not calling your line manager when off sick, would be a big problem here, as would constantly not turning up to team
meetings.

Why are you supporting someone like this to get a promotion?? She sounds lazy with a terrible work ethic. And she’s blatantly undermining you and bitching behind your back. She’s utterly deluded in thinking she wants to take some tasks off you, when she couldnt complete the trial one you gave her properly.

You need to talk to HR urgently and tell them what you said here. You need to be stricter as she’s getting away with all sorts here

!!!

support for a higher role change then grapevine rumours she didn’t like you and then a PIP isn’t a good look.

you need to make sure you have lots of written evidence

She is about 1 1/2 years into the role. Thank you.

You are choosing kindness and support over boundaries and clear expectations with consequences. I used to do this too, and it ends exactly as you are describing. It’s does no one any favours. On some level, they know they are struggling and so you just need to stick to facts and point out what is not happening despite support, help and nudges.

I would point out you notice her disengagement and suggest she get career coaching elsewhere to find her strengths and find what sort of a role might be a better fit, but that you need to performance manage her because she is not at the level you expect.

she will if course project everything on you - easier than assuming failure or responsibility so put your shields up and brace for that. Remain firm and fair and professional and don’t get tempted to explain or justify yourself to others.

good luck!

You need much better skills as a manager!

Why would you support her application to a better file?

What do you say when she missed meetings and 121s?

you sound like a complete pushover. You need to get a handle on this.

Honestly if she is 1.5 years into the role I would look to exit her now whilst you still easily can given there are both clear attitude and capability issues.

It will depend on your organisational approach as to whether they will let you but I would go for that rather than a PIP. They are miserable to do for all involved and rarely end well.

Before you have the meeting I'd check in with HR on whether gross misconduct for the failure to notify you she wouldn't be attending work would be a better way to go. You should have a clear cut policy to refer to on this and in most workplaces it would be an instant gross misconduct. Don't trip yourself up by letting the clock run out on her 2 years.

Also, remember you can't control or influence how she's going to react tomorrow. If she throws a hissy fit, offer her a short break to compose herself with the expectation she returns to the meeting at a set time. Don't allow any drama or waterworks to derail it. If she comes out with loads of justifications for why she's not been performing then that's helpful context but doesn't change the discussion.

These conversations are always horrible to have but as others have said, necessary to show your execs you can grip a difficult issue

You’re good with the executive buzz words, OP. But I think they’re masking a crashing lack of self confidence. Address that. Especially if you want to progress. Being faced with a debilitating case of imposter syndrome when you step up would be paralysing.

I say this because it is astonishing how this has been handled so far in light of the way she is conducting herself and her duration of employment.

I have no idea why you would support and suggest she go for a role that is a step up when she apparently is not even capable of the one she has, like your just trying to palm her off on someone else.

Alot of the things you have mentioned in my work would be grounds for written warnings and dismissal going down the correct routes. Speak to HR about the issues and what route you can take, she sounds awful and thinks she is too good for the role she is in but has no intention of proving herself and doesn't sound capable anyway. If you go official be prepared to have official stuff come back on you though as well, so cover yourself and make sure it is all done correctly. If your UK and she has been there less than two years you can get rid of someone for no real reason at all.

You seem very over involved in her, finding opportunities for her etc. People can take kindness for weakness, I’ve found this out the hard way as a manager. People can resent you even though you think you’re helping. In future keep relationships less involved.

There are two sides to the issue. One is the performance such as missed deadlines etc. Those could lead to a PIP, provided company policy was followed and support provided.

The other is the insubordination. Missing 1 to 1's, saying she is not attending a team meeting etc. What did you say to her about those at the time. That was your opportunity to be clear that whatever she felt she was required to attend the team meeting etc. This would ultimately take you down the line of disciplinary action if she continued.

She needs to be on a PIP with time specific deadlines and no excuses to meetings or it escalates.
i have a man working for me whose also being difficult and ask week I set timed deadlines and the work was completed

Agree re the two issues.

However, missing 121s, meetings etc - that is flat out gross misconduct and the OP should move heaven and earth to get her sorry ass fired.

The piss poor performance is a very distant "second" here.

HR should have got involved a long time ago. I'd be looking at getting her on capability.

I am with this. I would’ve gone through all the necessary disciplinary steps by now.

As it is, you should performance manage her out the door as quickly as you can allowing for processes and procedures.

I have been hired as an executive advisor into a company recently and it is clear that bad management is keeping incompetent and (in some cases) lazy people in jobs. Management need to step up and get rid of people who are obviously not fitting into the work culture or doing the work. And you’ve shown basic disrespect from her in your post. This cannot stand.

Adding it that it sounds highly likely that she was acting similarly on her previous companies hence the lack of promotion.