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Original poster

Line manager knows too much

16 replies

Newstartandhardenedheart · 09/08/2025 23:24

I recently changed jobs after some major issues with previous long-term employer. Have a tribunal against ex-employer later this year. Barrister feels I will win.

Have been with new employer a couple of years. Realised I needed to tell them about tribunal really as it looks like we won't be discussing settlement and because previous employers are making some very damaging and untrue counter-allegations.

Line manager has been REALLY supportive. Didn't even want to see any evidence. Just believed me. Said lots of kind things about my work, which I am trying to believe.

I just hate that she now knows so much about me. There was a lot of dark stuff that happened to me and I thought I should be honest. But I now feel really exposed and also stupid because I cried.

I feel like my fresh start is screwed.

Has anyone ever been in either position? Where you say or hear too much that you can't take back?

OP posts:
TheSlantedOwl · 09/08/2025 23:28

It’s a vulnerability hangover and it will pass. You do have your new start, with a supportive manager. But you need time to process the traumas you’ve been through. It won’t vanish, but you’ll metabolise it with time and through being in a positive new place.

It’s great you trusted your new manager enough to share. Just give yourself some grace.

FitAt50 · 10/08/2025 00:01

I'm confused as you said recently changed job but also you have been with new employer a couple of years? Do tribunals really take years to take place?

TeenLifeMum · 10/08/2025 00:04

Sounds like you have a good, supportive manager. Don’t let your previous experience ruin your career by letting it get in your head. Your manager knows what they needed to know to support you in a tough time. That’s normal.

Original poster
Newstartandhardenedheart · 10/08/2025 07:03

FitAt50 · 10/08/2025 00:01

I'm confused as you said recently changed job but also you have been with new employer a couple of years? Do tribunals really take years to take place?

It's a very long tribunal hearing. It was due to take place last year but was postponed as the tribunal hadn't allocated enough days. There is a huge backlog in the system and any postponement for a long hearing sadly means huge delays 😥

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Original poster
Newstartandhardenedheart · 10/08/2025 07:06

TheSlantedOwl · 09/08/2025 23:28

It’s a vulnerability hangover and it will pass. You do have your new start, with a supportive manager. But you need time to process the traumas you’ve been through. It won’t vanish, but you’ll metabolise it with time and through being in a positive new place.

It’s great you trusted your new manager enough to share. Just give yourself some grace.

I had never heard of this vulnerability hangover but wow, yes. Googled and seems familiar.

I was diagnosed with PTSD regarding the original issue (non work related) and then the victimisation that followed, and I try and avoid telling new people anything about it.

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Original poster
Newstartandhardenedheart · 10/08/2025 07:07

TeenLifeMum · 10/08/2025 00:04

Sounds like you have a good, supportive manager. Don’t let your previous experience ruin your career by letting it get in your head. Your manager knows what they needed to know to support you in a tough time. That’s normal.

Thank you

I think normal to me now is not supportive, but the opposite.

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Original poster
Newstartandhardenedheart · 10/08/2025 07:08

I think I just worry now that she either feels sorry for me or is watching me for signs of trouble

I feel like I have to prove myself more than ever

OP posts:
Chazbots · 10/08/2025 07:12

Assume you are not trouble, have been good in new job?

Get some irl help for processing the trauma.

Your manager is obviously ok with what she's been told, stop thinking for her.

zaazaazoom · 10/08/2025 07:13

I completely understand how you feel. For me the cure weirdly was talking more about it to trusted people. It then became a bit of an andcdote/story that I could control the narrative of. Found it much better than the times I have held things inside.
The vulnerability bit lessens.

My was incredibly embarrassing and public and violent all in one. My mum was my best advice giver. She basically said anyone that judges you isn't worth caring about. So true.

Edited it to get rid of the random tit word (not too out of place in my story actually 😅)

Original poster
Newstartandhardenedheart · 10/08/2025 07:58

Chazbots · 10/08/2025 07:12

Assume you are not trouble, have been good in new job?

Get some irl help for processing the trauma.

Your manager is obviously ok with what she's been told, stop thinking for her.

I have absolutely been trouble for previous employer but only because they treated me so badly and I didn't stand for it. Including mistreatment when pregnant and made up accusations which are easily disprovable.

I think I am good at my job and she says so. But have zero confidence now.

I have had lots of NHS therapy which has now finished but they said I need more after the court case concludes.

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Original poster
Newstartandhardenedheart · 10/08/2025 07:59

zaazaazoom · 10/08/2025 07:13

I completely understand how you feel. For me the cure weirdly was talking more about it to trusted people. It then became a bit of an andcdote/story that I could control the narrative of. Found it much better than the times I have held things inside.
The vulnerability bit lessens.

My was incredibly embarrassing and public and violent all in one. My mum was my best advice giver. She basically said anyone that judges you isn't worth caring about. So true.

Edited it to get rid of the random tit word (not too out of place in my story actually 😅)

Edited

That is really useful to know. Thank you.

I am sorry you have had a horrible event too.

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Chazbots · 10/08/2025 08:38

I meant in your new job.

Look at working on your internal sense of safety.

I agree you feel vulnerable because you had to tell people again & it has brought it all back up.

TeenLifeMum · 10/08/2025 09:47

Newstartandhardenedheart · 10/08/2025 07:08

I think I just worry now that she either feels sorry for me or is watching me for signs of trouble

I feel like I have to prove myself more than ever

I completely get it.

My advice is, you have to think the best of people until they show you otherwise. Think the best of your manager and do your job. The situation is massive to you but to your manager, she might keep an eye for a week or two but she will soon be distracted onto other things xxx

BourgeoisBabe · 10/08/2025 09:49

I'm a manager and I try to be supportive to my team when they need it. Try and take her support at face value, it's almost certainly genuine.

NigellaAwesome · 10/08/2025 10:01

FitAt50 · 10/08/2025 00:01

I'm confused as you said recently changed job but also you have been with new employer a couple of years? Do tribunals really take years to take place?

I’m entering my 8th year of tribunal litigation. It feels endless.

Original poster
Newstartandhardenedheart · 10/08/2025 11:44

NigellaAwesome · 10/08/2025 10:01

I’m entering my 8th year of tribunal litigation. It feels endless.

Show quote history

@NigellaAwesome , doesn't it?!

I hope yours ends soon and brings some peace.

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