Ending maternity early - not ready to be back and employer is asking when I will be upping my hours

[AmberPoet]

Hi all,
Just need a little bit of advice returning back to work after 4 months off on maternity. It wasn't ideal me going back so soon, but the lack of money from SMP meant I had to make the difficult decision.
Anyway, I went back for my 1st day today and I have only gone back 2 days per week, and straight away 9am I was bombarded with information from my manager and the 1st question I was asked was when will I be upping my hours. I did agree to phase my return to full time, but was told it was up to me how I wanted to work that. Dont get me wrong, I know they need to plan ahead to know how they deal with the workload, but all of a sudden I feel like I'm being pushed to agree to more hours sooner than I'm ready. I broke down on a meeting and finished early, and I'm thinking I've made the wrong choice. I should've asked to defer my mortgage payments and taken more time off. I spent my maternity dreading going back so soon, but my boss wasn't hiring anyone to replace me, so I felt like I was only letting them down.
I've really had minimal contact with HR. They never contacted me for a risk assessment through my pregnancy and had no contact with them regarding my return to work. Basically, I feel a lack of support. All I feel is bombarded and like I've made a terrible decision.
I have checked and and I am able to ask for further parental leave under shared parental leave. But I'm not sure if they will agree to this?
I feel so miserable, anxious and annoyed with myself and the situation.
Does anyone have any suggestions? I'm so at a loss. I'm thinking of going to the docs to manage my anxiety.

You don’t need to panic.

You do need to put yourself and your baby first - hold your boundaries and if they don’t have enough people then that’s a them problem; not a you problem.

Stick to your 2 days for as long as you can afford to! Don’t give in to the pressure.

What do you have agreed in writing?

I’m sorry you’re struggling OP, I only went back to work earlier this year after my maternity leave and I can only imagine how hard it would be after 4 months.

Regarding your hours- what does your contract say? Are you full time? If so, a phased return usually is around 2-6 weeks typically and agreed between you & employer so you both need to figure out what works. Longer term if you want to remain part time could you put in a flexible working request? Worth a try while you maybe look for other jobs?

Re. Shared parental leave, they can’t really refuse it but they can deny it if you wanted to do e.g. 2 weeks in 2 weeks off. If you tell them you want to go back off on SPL for a few months then that’s that.

Is your partner able to contribute more financially to take some pressure off going back to work?

My old contracted hours were 39 hours, but my new contracted hours are 16 hours. It is a change in contracted hours.
I would like to ask for another few months off. Maybe even another 5. I would defer our mortgage payments and hand my car back in (PCP). Honestly need to just put my mental health and baby 1st right now 😔

That sounds really tough. I know I needed at least 9 months to recover from the pregnancy physically. I went back PT after that. 2 days a week for at least a further 6 months. You have to do what is best for you and for baby. Don’t worry about them not having enough people working, that is absolutely for them to worry about not you.
Sympathy. I hope you find a solution.