Losing my mind at work

[LemonBeagle]

I seem to work in what feels like some kind of circus at times. I was aware that half of the role was quite stressful and have had quite a lot to do. The other half of the role has also become stressful.

Somehow I was given work to do on a fairly short deadline from someone very senior with no instructions but a sort of implicit understanding that I would know what to do.

Dear god I've been round the houses with dud information, and one of the key people I needed has also been away.

I'm at the point where I want to detach from it but it feels a bit too soon to be checking out.

How can I get control back? I have holiday booked in November but that's sooo far away.

Is your manager aware?

What are the consequences if the work isn’t done?

Could you go back to the person who gave you this job and explain the difficulties you are having? Better to say something now so that the organisation has the opportunity to give you support. Then if it goes wrong you can at least say you flagged a concern.

Sorry it sounds stressful.

First post nails it.

I know this sounds like a ridiculous question...when you say aware, aware of what? This is how confused I am. She knows the work is due, and let me know she was around to help this week.

If it is not done, bad consequences. If slightly late, OK.

I initiated the work but didn't expect it would happen now IYSWIM. She isn't my manager which is feeding my confusion about who I should be going to.

I'm on the verge of a breakdown. Someone offered to help this afternoon, so I took them up and went to get in touch. They didn't answer! Who does that?!

I’m sorry to hear it’s making you so stressed you are on the verge of a breakdown. I always judge a job on how do you feel over the weekend are you constantly worried or do you switch off when you leave work on a Friday? I might sound blunt but you need to start disconnecting emotionally it’s a job. You’ve been given work reframe it they gave it to you as they thought you were confident to do it. Are you saying that someone offered to help but then let you down but your stressed by the deadline or stressed by the actual work?

Go to your line manager and be very open about how confused you are. They should be able to help you make a plan of action, and clear up anything that the senior manager has just assumed that you know.

I've been unable to switch off properly at the weekends for a few weeks.

I am stressed by the deadline. I am stressed by the actual work too.

Thus far I've now created the work but am confused as to whether its right and who it's supposed to be signed off by.

I'm also confused as to whether I've done it all, as part of it had no deadline. Initially the focus was only on the deadline part but now people are asking me about the rest of it. I'm unsure why that is.

When people say go to your line manager, in what way? An email? I'm at the stage where I try and write that and I can't actually summarise what the issues or questions are.

Face to face meeting - IRL or on Teams. You need to be able to mind-dump.

Duplicate message

I've asked for those a couple of times, one was ignored, the other wasn't possible. What sort of time frame is reasonable? My job has to move fast so I don't always know what or when I will have blocks. There is a weekly slot but its not very long. I'm not needing long periods of time.

I've never worked anywhere that felt like getting an appointment with the Queen just to have a human convo.

Edited to add if I don't give context, request gets ignored. If I do give context, get a written reply that not that helpful.

Ah, that's a massive pain! Are you fairly new in the job?

Are there any other more friendly 'old timers' who you could ask a favour from, who could go through it with you? Could you ask to tag another 30 minutes onto your regular meeting with your manager? Is the manager who you are doing the work for friendly/approachable enough to ask for a meeting with them, or even someone in their chain of command?

Your line manager is at fault here, but I know you have to deal with the situation as it is! It does sound to me that this is company common practice that is too complex for an email. Your line manager might give you 'Jan' in an email to shut you up, but actually you need 'normally Heather reviews it and then afterwards you should email it to Jan with Amy and Susan copied. And actually, Jan hates it in that format, so present it like this instead'. So don't waste your time getting half-answers over email.

There's no point continuing to flounder, you won't be able to guess this stuff. Hopefully my questions above might give you some avenues to explore to get some answers? Or otherwise, I think you might need to send an explicit 'I don't know what I'm doing' email to your manager, asking for a meeting at a time that suits them, so that you have a paper trail for later. And then just wait and see what happens next.

Thanks for this.

Yes. My manager was involved a lot in my first few months. Without getting deep I don't think that built my confidence, and with the sudden stepping back I feel abandoned. But I recognise that's not the case. I just can't keep up.

I did think maybe I could ask a colleague for an objective look. I'm the only person at my level though. But worth a try.

I do think I need to ask for a longer regular monthly meeting face to face.

Her initial feedback was don't bother with the part with no deadline. I can't really say I've not done it because you said don't do it.
But feels rude to say if you now want me to do it, please clarify whether I should prioritise x or y.

The correct answer is I should have checked at the start. I've let myself be misguided and feel sick with worry.

So I've now had a few hours sleep and am going to work through the night in a few minutes on the piece that has no deadline, while trying to ignore how low I feel.

I tend to spend my weekends in a state of shell shock.

I did at one point find a work coach, then had some unexpected expenses. I think that will help so will try and find one again.

Compile a logical and coherent list of the questions you need answers to and email it to the person in charge of the project.

I took some of the advice and managed to get helpful input from the lead on this.

I was a bit taken aback as been told that I should do the part with no deadline, from both sides, which I'm quite upset about as in no part in writing, nor in conversation, was I told that this was the expectation.

Not only that, the deadline I've been given to do this is extremely short thus needs doing over my weekend.

The only saving grace is that my communication skills are good so I will use them going forward to ensure there is no more misunderstanding.

If you haven’t been in the job long I would listen to your gut, you asked for help but from your last post you advised they expected you to know the expectation which has upset you. Deadlines being short meaning you work over the weekend is that normal? You state work is like a circus it doesn’t sound like it is doing you any favours. I would consider looking for new employment especially if it’s getting you down and affecting your health.

My manager has form for pressure, but no its not normal, its obviously come from higher up. As mentioned in first post have holiday booked in November so will reassess then.

Update. Finally, on attempt three its done.

It turned out that I was not wrong about the lack of clarity and staff underresourcing played a role. Lessons learned.

I can't believe it's done - will need to sink in that's over.

Well done. You seem so relieved.