help at work

[monky77]

I work with my friend for a while (who i have known for 20 years +). She had been acting a bit funny and taking clients from me and not involving me which was raised with management and we had a meeting where she said that this would not affect our work relationship. Since then she has blocked me on all social media and she cant be contacted outside work, I don't want to raise non work matters in work as she has already tried to get me in too trouble. Recently at work she has out right blanked me, she doesn't say hello in front of other colleagues and excludes me, she does involve me in work matters, what do I do as i cant confront her out side of work about our friendship . I feel that I cant address her in work for work matters because of the cold shoulders and professional exclusion. I feel that if I address this with management that this would affect my job role which I still haven't had a probation meeting. Her blanking me is affecting my mental health and doesn't help with our working relationships as we do the same role with in the company also that the management will side with her.

So you've not been there long enough to have passed your probation yet, but you raised an issue re working with your colleague (friend you've known 20 years)?

She had been acting a bit funny and taking clients from me and not involving me which was raised with management and we had a meeting where she said that this would not affect our work relationship.

So you raised the issue with management? Leading to a meeting about it? You didn’t think to have a chat with her about it?

Yeah, if that’s what happened, you’re the one who killed your long-time friendship. You can’t undo that, so you just need to live with the consequences of your actions.

You made it formal. Did she encourage you to apply for the role? Maybe she now wants to keep your “friendship” professional and you have trodden on her toes a bit. If you make waves during your probation you may find the employer decides not to continue it.

(a) There is no friendship any longer so there is nothing to "confront" her about whether inside or outside work.
(b) You went to management about her but say that she tried to get you into trouble? It sounds rather much the other way around.
(c) The only thing a work colleague needs to do is to act professionally when they must have dealings with you. She is involving you in work matters that she must, so she is doing that. Nobody is entitled to hello's and chats, and especially not from people they complained to management about.
(d) The management will side with her because she is a known quantity who has shown her worth to them. You are the new hire who hasn't even passed their probation and is already making waves and causing problems.
(e) You brought this on yourself so it's somewhat rich complaining that it's affecting your mental health. It seems that your first action in the job was to attack your old friend, and you think she is in the wrong? I wouldn't be speaking to you either.

I have been there 2 years but new post for 7 months .. the issue is the way she has been treating me at work for something she is causing

I don't think you understand. As you have said "she does involve me in work matters" That is all she has to do. She is not required do anything about your former friendship. She does not have to engage with you in a social manner. And given that you reported her to management - whether or not that was justified in your opinion - I am not surprised that she wants nothing to do with you.
I feel that I cant address her in work for work matters because of the cold shoulders and professional exclusion - given that she is "involving you in work matters, that is a "you" problem and not a "her" problem.

"Her blanking me is affecting my mental health and doesn't help with our working relationships as we do the same role with in the company also that the management will side with her."
Again, since she is involving you in work matters that is a "you" problem and not a "her" problem. If her work is getting done and management are happy that that is the case, then you will simply have to suck it up and get on with your own work.

Very seriously, when you complained about your friend of over 20 years to management at work, what did you expect her to do? You surely did not expect her to remain your friend after you did that, did you? She is not your friend any more. That is something that cannot be salvaged. So you will simply have to get on with your own job, and limit your interactions to work matters. If that isn't possible then you have two choices. You may complain to management again, but be aware (as you do seem to be) that that will possibly backfire on you. Or you can look for another role.

It may seem very harsh, but this is the reality - you cannot make her be your friend again, and you cannot make her be sociable with you. You can only reasonably expect that she does her job and engages with you when work issues require it. You say she is doing that.

I think u have got it wrong .. if she don't want to be be friends after 20 years and thrown it down the drain that's fine.
But to professional exclude me at work .. she doesn't talk to me or be professional at work she gives me a cold shoulder and blanks me in front of other professionals and you think this is a me problem.
The way she is acting by not communicating at work has nothing to do with me but it's impacting on the job role now. I'm not going to pushed out of a job I love and why should I

I have not done anything wrong at work to deserve this treatment.
I'm reaching out as I dont know whether to talk to management or hr .

This has to be a wind up surely? If not accept you handled a situation poorly and have lost your friend, who is now just a colleague who doesn't trust you. Put your head down, work hard and be professional. You are the new person, she is the known quantity, you need to cope with the fall out of your behaviour, how do you think this is going to go if you keep complaining and running to management or HR or are you really that unaware?!

I am sorry but I give up. If you cannot see any reason why someone who was your friend for 20 years wants no social engagement with you because you complained about them to management rather than talk to them then I don't think it matters whether you go back to management or to HR. You clearly cannot see why she is angry with you and the comment "if she don't want to be be friends after 20 years and thrown it down the drain that's fine." speaks volumes - it was you who complained to management about her and threw your friendship away. There are very, very few people who would speak to or want anything to do with someone who has made a formal complaint about them to their manager. She is in a majority.

Professionals?

Indeed.