Ex-colleague wanted me to change my working week for her 'visit'

[user1471867483]

My working week is Mon-Thurs, a routine I've had for about four years now. It’s been a little frustrating dealing with the expectations of an old colleague who left at Christmas. She'd been with us for four years before moving on to a different site, roughly eight miles away, and ever since she left, there's been this constant promise of her 'calling in to see everyone,' a pledge that finally materialised about three weeks ago. I was on holiday at the time, but she texted me, cheerfully announcing her planned visit for a specific Friday – the very day I don't work! Her text included, ‘maybe you could swap your days – lol'. I politely reiterated that while I'd genuinely love to catch up, I haven't worked Fridays for years. It’s as if she expects me to completely rearrange my working week, and my life, just to accommodate a fleeting 20-minute visit! Why should I adjust my working week when she can choose a visiting day when she knows I'll actually be there?

You need to calm down. Just say no.

Its not like she was demanding you change your days. It was a simple, friendly ask.
I have Fridays off and would change my days to see an ex colleague that I liked. I dont have fixed commitments on my days off though.

Storm in a teacup OP. Ex colleague probably doesn’t expect you to - it was a mere quip - and even if they did, you just say ‘sorry, no can do’ and forget about it. It’s really not a biggie.

The suggestion she made is what is referred to as a "meaningless pleasantry." She didn't really intend for you to switch your days; she was just signing off on you telling her you couldn't make it - a bit like, "oh well, never mind, another time then?"
Move on with your day.

I have fixed commitments every Friday, hence why I dropped a day.

You're over-thinking this. She did not and does not expect you to change your working day, commitments or not.

Is there any day she'd get everyone, though?

Maybe you can pop in to see her on a non working day if you like? But even if that's not possible, I'd say it's nice she's remembered your working pattern and given you the heads-up directly.

It is absolutely impossible to get these events to suit everyone in my company.

So you just explain you’re sorry you’ll miss her and wish her well. It’s really no big deal.

It was a vague suggestion, not a command.

Relax.

She doesn't expect you to rearrange your life. She's over-compensating for the fact that she's arranged to come on a day you're not there as she's not that arsed for seeing you, but reframing it so it looks like you're not that arsed for seeing her. Just keep it breezy - 'Ha ha, can't do that, but see you next time!'

Goodness.

she made a light suggestion not a demand.

get over yourself.

Really doesn’t need to be that bit of a deal.

You let her know that as much as you’d love to see her you’re not in that day and have commitments.

End of, don’t give it a second thought.

🤷
It's a total non event, just polite chit chat. She didn't expect anything.
Maybe Friday suited her and* *she wasn't actually fussed if you were there or not.

In the nicest way possible, get a grip. This is such a non event that you are getting worked up over! She wasn't demanding, it was a suggestion.

I agree that it wasn't a command. Bit odd she didn't make it another day, but would she have missed others? Bit surprised you've made a thread about it TBH! IF you really got on, why not try meeting up outside of work for a coffee etc?

The 'lol' makes it quite obvious she doesn't expect you to change your day. If you are always like this I suspect she chose Friday deliberately.

Guessed I'm cursed with a sensitive nature.

She’s picked a day to visit and she’s acknowledging you won’t be there but is thinking of you/likes to see you by saying a passing comment about changing your days.

She doesn’t expect you to cancel your commitments.

Do you always over react like this?

I think so too!

Communicate with your colleague, I take it you don't like her or something...?

It doesn't sound like she's putting a lot of pressure on you - she just mentioned that you might be able to swap your days. You can't and that's fine. Don't overthink it!