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Original poster

feeling guilty

7 replies

learningallthetime · 27/05/2008 14:05

I know ths has probably been done a thousand times before but I'm feeling really guilty so please indulge me!

I'm due back to work in August, not sure of the hours yet but probably only going back part time 2pm - 6pm. I have no choice but to go back due to bloody money and the sodding mortgage.

My DD will be 9 months by then, I have always worked full time and didn't think returning to work would be a problem, but now I feel as if Im letting DD down. I feel as if our relationship will suffer? I feel like I'm being a complete idiot for feeling like this but can't help it, I know its irrational as it's only 4hrs a day, but feel so bad for doing this.

More than likely be using a cm.

Has any one else felt like this?
Am I being complelty irrational?
Am I right for feeling guilty?

OP posts:
HeadFairy · 27/05/2008 14:10

I think you'll find that there are lots of people who feel like this, esp the ones who are like you (and me) going back to work for purely financial reasons. I hate the fact that I'm not giving 100% to my ds and I'm always compromising on his upbringing. I have had friends say to me no one has to work, you could downsize and live in a crap area in a tiny house if you really really wanted to not work and be with your ds, but to me that would be letting him down much more than me not being around for three days a week. I'm not working to give him silly things like four holidays a year and a new car every six weeks, I'm working to make sure we can stay in a lovely friendly area with loads of young families nearby, two big parks and great things to do on your doorstep (and two cracking primary schools about a 110 yds from our front door!) Another friend put it this way for me, be proud of your choices, those 4 hours a day you're away from him are for him, so he can have the things you think are important. Don't feel guilty, just make sure you have fun when you're together.

nickytwotimes · 27/05/2008 14:12

Hi.
I don't suppose all the blardy sAHM and WOHM threads are a help, eh?!
I don't think you should feel bad at all. your dd will have had you for 9 whole months - good going - and you will still be her no.1 person in the world. If you are working 4 hrs, then that leaves 20 when you are with her. You'll be there to get her up and to put her to bed.
please don't feel you are letting her down. I'm a SAHM, but most of my friends work and I have to say I often feel their dcs are better adjusted than mine is, lol! Seriously, having other caregivers is good for her and for you. There's also a chance she'll be with other kids which is fantastic for developing social skills and confidence.

scootermum · 27/05/2008 14:25

I feel tremendously gulity and sad to leave my dd's.I hate it still and the oldest one is now 2.5.
But I havent got a choice so I just make sure the 3 days a week I am with them are as fun as possible.I dont do housework on those days and try not to do anything that will be boring for them (which is not always possible of course).It doesnt compensate IMO for the time im not there but hopefully they will look back on the time I was there fondly.(And BTW the DD's love it at the CM's.They have a great time with her and love her to death-even to the point that I get a bit at times-I think me being away from them is harder on me in many ways than them as they dont seem to mind!)

Original poster
learningallthetime · 27/05/2008 14:43

How did you go about finding your CM Scootermum?

OP posts:
Original poster
learningallthetime · 27/05/2008 20:32

I only need childcare for 3 hrs a day, from half 1 to half 3.

My husband will have finished work by then and be able to pick DD up.

What sort of childcare does everyone think is best for these sort of hours?

OP posts:
scootermum · 28/05/2008 12:27

I got her off the local authority website-most have lists of registered minders and you ring them and go and interview them and pick one you like.

For your hours though a nursery might work-they might just have your lo for the afternoon session..A cm would equally work if you can find one for those hours but bear in mind that if the cm has other children who are school age she will most likely have to do the school run with your lo going with her which will take alot of the time you are paying for up (no fault of the cm and also wont damage your lo in any way-but if its only for a short time better value for money in the nursery where there will be more interesting things for lo to do in the time they are there?..IYSWIM?)That said I had a thing that when very little (nealry 9 months) when they started I preferred lo's t be in a homely setting..for no real reason, just my preference...now the bigger one is 2.5 I am looking into pre school for her a few sessions a week for a bit of diversity..

scootermum · 28/05/2008 12:27

I got her off the local authority website-most have lists of registered minders and you ring them and go and interview them and pick one you like.

For your hours though a nursery might work-they might just have your lo for the afternoon session..A cm would equally work if you can find one for those hours but bear in mind that if the cm has other children who are school age she will most likely have to do the school run with your lo going with her which will take alot of the time you are paying for up (no fault of the cm and also wont damage your lo in any way-but if its only for a short time better value for money in the nursery where there will be more interesting things for lo to do in the time they are there?..IYSWIM?)That said I had a thing that when very little (nealry 9 months) when they started I preferred lo's t be in a homely setting..for no real reason, just my preference...now the bigger one is 2.5 I am looking into pre school for her a few sessions a week for a bit of diversity..

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