Mid 30s woman bias

[AmberMaps]

Hi everyone,
I’m looking for some perspective on a work situation that I'm sure I'm not the first to post about.

I recently went for an internal promotion and didn’t get it. The person who did is a man of a similar age, and to my knowledge less direct experience and time in this line of business than I do (I know that's not all that matters of course). Its left me feeling frustrated and confused. I’ve just got married and I can’t shake the feeling that the possibility of future maternity leave might have counted against me. I have no proof but it’s really lingering. I told my manager in confidence I had a miscarriage recently and she told her boss and I kept wondering if I should have kept my mouth shut.

I’m finding it hard not to wonder whether being a woman in her mid-30s makes people question if you're the right choice. I want to be clear that I’m not accusing anyone of discrimination and it's very possible that the successful candidate was the best choice and will be fantastic. But I just feel uncomfortable about it and not sure if this feeling that my career is being hindered by being a woman at this stage of my life is real or imagined?

Has anyone else felt this? Is it reasonable to suspect that gender or life stage might be playing into how opportunities are handed out? Most importantly, what can I do about this feeling?? It feels bitter and I don't like that I feel this way.

Have you spoken any unions?

Are you public or private sector

Public sector

However I can help either way

Of course they discriminate against women of childbearing age if they think there's a good chance you might be wanting maternity leave within the next 10 years or so.

They will deny it till the cows come home though.

How was your interview do you think it went well. I know in the public sector it's usually scored on points. It could be that he did a better interview.

Possibility but no proof. If you were an employer what would you have done in that scenario?

I really feel for you. When I was mid thirties, recently married, we had to move to a different part of the country. I was in experienced, excellent references etc. I could cry when I remember the number of job interviews I prepared for and the number of presentations I did. Honestly more than 20. In the end I had to accept a demotion in my field at another company before finally being able to progress. And I didn’t even have children for a while after that anyway. I was so angry. Saw countless men who were less experienced than me getting the roles.

That should say I was experienced sorry!

Fairness should be a primary consideration. The possibility of future parental responsibilities should not be a reason to overlook an individual for promotion. Additionally, appropriate measures can be implemented to support pregnant employees

As an employer, what would you have done?

I employ women all the time. I’m asking what the OP would have done had she owned the business. Also with her knowledge of her trying for children.

I think it does happen.
I recruit staff and have heard Managers make comments about women of a certain age “they’ll soon be getting pregnant”.
I complete ignore any comments and recruit based on best candidate and have recently recruited 2 females of child bearing age.
We will manage if they go on Maternity Leave.
It does happen though.

I'm asking you what you would have done.

I don’t think your age is necessarily relevant, men get hired over women all the time regardless of being recently married or mid 30s.

Given that you have advised your manager of your miscarriage, you could challenge them on whether it was due to your miscarriage that you were not promoted. But are you sure they had any involvement in the promotion process? As you are burning a bridge if you make that accusation so you must be sure.

Personally if you are intending to take maternity leave, your best bet is to keep quiet at work for now, get pregnant to secure your maternity leave/pay then change jobs/employers when you return to work.

because if you did complain about this, it’s very unlikely that you would be given a promotion so be careful about that. and if you were to change employers now as a result of complaining about this, you may not be entitled to maternity pay?

I would not discriminate based on someone potential to have a family, but also pick the right candidate. I think I was clear in my post that I don't know if this was even something that occurred to them or not (though my recent wedding was raised by one of them).

Even knowing someone might have children is not a good reason not to pick them. If anything it means they might stay in a role longer for want of stability.

The post was more about what I can do about it personally. Maybe that's just mindset, mentoring or something.

I'm also intrigued to know what you might have done differently though.

I'm not actually intending to complain. Its likely I didn't get the role because the other candidate was a better choice. It's more a lingering feeling.

My manager was not involved in the hiring process but they're part of the same group of department heads and she openly told me she'd told her manager so I wouldn't be surprised it is common knowledge. It's rubbish because I told her that in confidence because I needed support at the time.