Advice

[staceylouise91]

Hi everyone, I’d like some advice. I started a new job around 6-7 months ago. Was welcomed into the new job with the 2 people I work with, became close with one of the colleagues, was having a laugh in work, felt like I could actually have made a real friend as I don’t have any. These past few months the person in question has become very distant with me, hardly speak when we work alone together, she gives me 2 word answers, doesn’t really want to be anywhere near me ( if I walk into the same room as her, she’ll purposely walk away into another ) she was really really nice to start with but now I feel as though she’s purposely trying to make me feel like this so I quit my job or she’s genuinely just trying to make me feel as uncomfortable as possible. She has said if she had an issue she would speak to me to my face but it’s also recently come to my attention that she’s been talking about me & my business outside of work to people that are customers in our work and also people we both know. I have had 1 person see me outside of work and has kindly come up to me and said things have been said about me purely because I just mustn’t fit in this persons circle or whatever but surely if someone as an adult can go behind someone’s back by trying to bully, degrade them and then be nice to their face they’re maybe doing it as a bit of ego boost because they’re bored and have no morals?

Luckily I’m not working with this person for a good few weeks but the anxiety I have right now or not being good enough to be anyone’s friend or even just someone that I can actually have a genuine friendship with is really upsetting. :(

any advice on this would be great. Thank you ❤️

Genuinely not entirely sure that haven't noticed that you are slagging off your colleague on the internet to a bunch of strangers, which isn't a lot different than what she has done, and you consider her to be "doing it as a bit of ego boost because they’re bored and have no morals".

You cannot require somebody to be friends with you, inside or outside of work. But it very much sounds like she is angry with you, so are you very certain that there isn't a cause for that? Even if someone doesn't like you, they generally don't walk out every time they see you.Perhaps if she was your only friend you became too clingy or demanding? This comment "the anxiety I have right now or not being good enough to be anyone’s friend or even just someone that I can actually have a genuine friendship with is really upsetting" would possibly support such a view - you go to work to work, and seem to have invested an awful lot into your work about quite serious friendships.

That said, if you do not want someone to repeat things you have told them then you don't tell them things.

In all honesty I think you have to rise above all this and ignore it. Just get on with your job and be friendly with people without expecting anything more than that from them.

whats your relationship with your manager like? l would voice your concerns to them especially regarding your colleague speaking about you to customers

Also not sure that you should listen to the person that has previously commented as not very helpful@staceylouise91

That's your opinion. Perhaps you could give some actual advice instead of attacking the advice of others? How would you force someone to be her friend? Because that was the question.

Talking about your personal life to customers is really strange. You need to raise your concerns with your managers. It absolutely could be classed as bullying and needs bringing up. Not everyone has to be friends at work but that doesn’t mean she can gossip about you to clients.

@staceylouise91
why don’t you have any friends in real life?