Due to start new job very soon - worried

[newjobnervesyikes]

I'm not entirely sure why I'm posting but I'm due to start a new job very soon, having worked from home for years. The new job is much much more corporate (power dressing/hair/makeup expected!) and requires a 90-100 minute commute each way, 3 times a week. I have 3 children but a DH who can be around for them. It is a very big deal that I make this role work as we need the money and finding a new role was a challenge in itself.

The problem is that at 50 and menopausal I'm often exhausted already (on HRT and magnesium supplements to help me sleep for several years) without getting up at 6am. I also don't know how late people work but it definitely won't be 9-5, more likely at a guess 8-6.30/7 plus the commute home 3 days a week with wfh the other two days. I'm now worried about coping - physically as much as mentally with the pressure of being impressive. I was made redundant so this wasn't by choice.

I've prepped a new work wardrobe (which was a nightmare finding cool smart clothes for hot weather), I'll make sure clothes are ready each night and try to make mornings as simple as possible to get out of the door. But I'm worried as to how I'll cope as just writing it down makes me feel exhausted. Not to mention I'll miss being around for the kids, two of whom have SEN.

Any suggestions of what I can do to a) feel less panicked before I start and b) cope once I do please?

I generally present to others as cool, calm and organised but that's a great front I put on, inside my overweight 50 year old self is panicked!

I think the thing to remember is it’s not your life forever if you can’t cope. Appreciate the job market is tricky now but you’ve managed to get this job so if you give it 3 months and think ‘what the hell have I done’ you can look for something else less high pressure.

Or if they are an understanding employer these are things you can discuss - options for more flexibility, leaving on time etc (not sure what’s normal in your industry but if you’re a strong candidate / performer they may try and work with you on what you need).

Just breathe and try not to worry — it’s all unknowns at the moment and it could all end up being OK. And if not, you can make a change. You’ve got this x

I think the worst thing is the anticipation. When you actually start, you will make it work.
children with send or not are adaptable and dad has to pick up the slack.
you are bloody amazing - you landed this job fair and square. You can do this - you’ve birthed three human beings - that makes you unstoppable so a job is more than doable.
if you were an average bloke you wouldn’t even be having these feelings of doubt (bit generic I know, but 5hey just don’t seem to doubt themselves in the same way).
the job is your. You WILL be brilliant. It is the anxiety talking. Don’t give into the puddle of anxiety.

good luck.

Will u be driving ? If so have a nice audio book or playlist for journeys. If on train, maximise on the journey time by doing some work. If you are driving leaving for office or home earlier or later rather than during rush hour could make your commute easier. Is it an option to stay at a budget hotel day 2 of commute? U will save on petrol and could be more relaxing too.

Try to focus on one day at a time and look after yourself: exercise, mindfulness, vitamins, etc.

A bit of paid help in the house with cleaning, etc to relieve some pressure.

I enjoyed the corporate world 3 years, I am early 50s and off for burn out. Not sure what I will do next but taking the time to recover first.

Thankfully I didn’t have to dress up every day

Hi @newjobnervesyikes
Congrats on the new role. There has been some good advice so far and you have made a plan to organise your wardrobe.

Will you be taking lunch in? You could prepare something night before eg of they have fridge/microwave, maybe take in leftovers and use up for lunch? If going by car, maybe a cereal bar and a drink in car in case of hold ups? Being aware of alternative route options to navigate the unexpected. Where will you park? If by train, options if hold ups or bad weather cancellations?

Good suggestions to consider staying over on Day 2 (if they are consecutive working days)? Maybe a work colleague would rent a room at their home? Or check out intranet for similar? Would be less exhausting than travel home to sleep and return (could face time the family)?

See how things go in your first week and adjust accordingly. You can definitely navigate any challenges if you enjoy the role x

Thanks so much everyone. It has helped to see some calming responses written down.

@PinedApple that's true, it's not forever, I think I need to repeat that in my head! It's an investment bank so I suspect they won't be that understanding or accommodating to any requests to be more flexible too soon! Thats true re the unknowns being the worry.

@Pippatpipyour reply made me emotional, nobody has really said I'm amazing before! Very true re most men not doubting themselves in the same way.

@BCBird driving to the station, then train, then underground. Definitely a good idea to try to make the time work. Staying over one night somewhere is something I've considered for one night and may well give a go, although it is quite hard to find somewhere one night a week that doesn't cost a fortune. It won't save on travel as I'll need to buy a travelcard still due to the way they price the fares. @LemonLassdefinitely won't be taking lunch as I think organising that will be just another hassle. No alternative train route either unfortunately.

@newjobnervesyikes are you sure you need a travel card. TFL definitely have a daily price cap.

@HarassedevicteeI don't for the underground part but will do for the train into London as it's not under TFL. The annual card is an eye watering £6700 (underground I'll do pay as you go as for 3 days that cheaper)

I have a 60-70 minute commute 3/4 days a week, leaving at 0645.

Honestly, I value the quiet time when I can get my head and schedule straight and sip tea out of my travel mug without interruption. Don't listen to the news on the car radio (I tend to go radio 3, but alternatives are available).

You have absolutely got this.

Ok. This may sound bonkers but it worked for me. Have you checked the cost and flexibility of daily tickets doing the reverse journey.

For example St Albans to London had restrictions on the type of outward ticket I could buy meaning I needed a ££ ticket. However, a London to St Albans return allowed me to travel on rush hour trains from St Albans because it was the return portion.

Day 1 morning I bought a months return ticket from St Albans to London and travelled on the outward portion. Day 1 evening I bought a return from London to St Albans and travelled home on the outward portion. Day 2 I travelled London to St Albans on the return portion. I kept a note when I needed to use the Day 1 return portion. By mainly using London to St Albans tickets the overall cost was cheaper. I hope that makes sense.

I also agree with a pp staying overnight so you can do two longer days in the office can help with the impact of the commute.

@Harassedevicteethat is a stroke of genius. Unfortunately I've just checked my train provider and the costs are the same in both directions, actually a bit more if the return journey isn't the same day even buying in the opposite direction. Shame!

You’ll be grand! I have a similar commute and trained myself to nap on the train in the morning.

I then wake up, eat breakfast (oats, yoghurt and fruit in a jam jar made the night before) and apply make up. I get a coffee just before I arrive at the office so I can hit the ground running.
On the way home I write my to do list for the following day and catch up on messages from friends/family. Sometimes I do a short guided meditation (with earphones).
My most important means of coping though is exercising 3 times a week. Such an stress-buster! Really helps me keep things in perspective and feel can cope.

Best of luck @newjobnervesyikes- you’ve got this! 🙌

just say ‘I’m just going to see what this is like’ and see how you get on.

you are not locked in forever, just take one day at a time and try to enjoy it as much as you can.

The fact that you got such a good job shows you are really brilliant at interviews and I think you are going to knock it out of the park. Good luck x

You can also listen to audio books on the commute! Good luck x

Banking has changed since covid and these company’s are much more aware of family policy’s/ work life balance/ meaningfulness. Is the 3 days a week in the office set in stone?. Surprised that corporate banking in London expects a office presence this amount of days. If you can push as much for remote this would save you time and money.