I'm burnt out I just need hand hold.

[Needafriend14]

I had a 'calling' to go into this line of work 20 years ago. I thought I could make a positive difference in the lives of CYP. I know I have made a difference. I have contributed in turning thousands of CYP lives around.And it is and has been very rewarding.

However last night after another 12 hour shift I sat down and I cried,Over the years I have been spat on ,thumped, kicked, choked ,hair pulled, had chairs thrown on me, shit thrown at me, drinks and whole packet of crisp poured on my head. I have witnessed and had to endure verbal and racist abuse and more. Although challenging this hasn't bothered me in the past 'it goes with the job

But yesterday after working on adult male for just under a year with staff shortage. I lost it. A service user ran up to me and my colleague ( one that I have supported as a teenager) wafting a dead rat in our faces.This is not a mental illness but behavioural. All the therapy in the world will not help these people . They are back and forward in and out of services as have their parents and when it comes down to it ,it is not their fault it's the systems!!!! ,Most come from dysfunctional families and backgrounds have been abused and neglected.

Early intervention and care is needed and it makes me so angry that very little is available. l looked around and saw what an horrendous place this hospital is,Its just a just a money making organisation and Im ashamed to be part of it. I feel as if Im banging my head against a brick wall.I no longer feel I am helping people. Does anyone work in health and social care and feel this way, I feel hopeless exhausted and drained.There Ive said it.

Find a way out. You have done good in the world and I am sure you will do other good things in your life. Turn your own life around, Find a job you can do, get paid for and maybe even enjoy with the threat of physical violence. Wrap yourself up in cotton wool, calm your nervous system, allow it to heal. Learn yoga, singing, drumming... Love yourself.

You're absolutely right many of our systems are broken in this country with big hearted people like you picking up the pieces until it all feels impossible. You really will have made a difference to so many people but maybe the time has come to make a difference to you.

Your skills and compassion could probably serve well elsewhere now. You have done so much good and I really wish there were more people like you in the world. Only you know the best way forward, if you're able to take some time off to have a good think about your future that would help but I really wish you the very best in life and am grateful people like you exist, I wish I could give you a hug x

I do yoga and try other holistic therapy. I used to love my job, just recently with the cut backs it has become horrible. It's the realisation that nobody really cares they just want to make money.

What is CYP please. Guessing young people but what is the C?

Children and Young People. It's heartbreaking when you meet them again in adult services. Listen to their aftercare support -which is very little again due to cutbacks- then find it all starts again :bed, assessment, diagnosis, medication referral, back into community care. Then guess what admission again or forensics.

You’ve worked hard, made a massive contribution and a difference. You’ve done enough - find another job which is easier on yourself.

Thank you MN I appreciate your kind words, it helps. I think it might be time to move on.

You've done 20 years in a worthwhile job that's a huge achievement. It sounds like you want to move on and I'm sure with all your experience and skills there's another path out there for you.

You don't need to have just one career, you've given a lot over a long time and made a huge difference for all those CYP you've worked with, it's reasonable but not in your best interests to be burnt out, take your vast amount of experience into another line of work. You'll be surprised how transferable your skills are & how lacking they'll be in most other job applicants. If you stay put it'll likely rear it's head again. Jump ship & prosper.

In ASC it is recognised that burnout is usually at 10 years, so you've done a more physically harder role for 2 more years.
I would give yourself some love, take some time away from this line of work and look after your own needs for a while. There are other positions that wouldn't be so trying but would love your dedication and experience once you're back on your feet. Good luck x

20 years working in a role like this is a huge achievement. It's OK to say you've done your bit and move to the next part of your working life. Personally I'm not sure the distinction between mh and behaviour is that clear but anyway there's only so much second hand trauma workers can cope with ,without it having a personal impact. It is soul destroying but you are not personally going to fix everything and need to protect yourself.

I take my hat off to you, OP. As PP have said, you’ve done enough now. I made a career change ( just different specialty) and my only regret was not switching 5 years earlier for my own MH.

It sounds like you’re fighting a losing battle, it’s time to put yourself first now.

I get it I really do. Spent 20 years in the homeless sector. I worked in a low threshold emergency hostel. Every day was mayhem but I loved it, loved working with the clients. I know I helped people and made a difference but slowly started to realise after so many years, it was pretty much the same people or their family members coming and going. A sad truth I learned is many people in “the system” just never get out, often by choice sadly. I think many people are afraid and become institutionalised and lose the skills they need to live independently the longer they stay in these hostels/institutions, if they ever even had them to start with. I knew I was done, I knew that whatever kept me going in every day, weekends, holidays and nights was slowly leaving me. I was heartbroken, but knew I needed to move on, so….

I got out of hostels and worked as a housing officer with a Housing First Charity thinking this will be a fresh start, the goal of independent living has been reached. Oh dear god, it was so so much worse, it was the most horrible thing to realise the people housed just didn’t have a clue how to live independently, they smashed up flats, tore out fixtures and fittings from flats to sell, drug dealing, fighting, penniless constantly no money for rent, food, electricity. Keyworking over 100 clients gave me no chance whatsoever to even touch the edges. So I left feeling defeated and like I was letting all my clients down.

l’m two years away from the homeless sector, I miss it every day in some ways. It was a long hard battle to get to a place where I’m happy with my choices but I can honestly say, I am now. The difference in my relationships with my family, my friends even my neighbours has changed hugely. I have a life now 🙂. It’s only when you move away from these roles that you realise you lived and breathed it. It becomes your identity, I mean who was I if I wasn’t out there fighting for marginalised people. I discovered that many of those marginalised people wanted to stay exactly where they were and I’m OK with it. I don’t live my ex-clients life and I can now respect their choices.

@Needafriend14 you sound like someone who really cares and do your best to support and offer change to your client group which is a beautiful thing to still hold onto after 20 years it’s a massive achievement and you should be proud 😊 but maybe it’s time to “meet the client where they are at” and focus on finding out where you are 😊