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Should I say something?

9 replies

Newnamehiwhodis · 20/06/2025 03:52

A woman in my workplace who has worked there for over a decade but hasn’t advanced (she just lacks the skills and capacity. She’s lucky to have the job she has) was hovering over my desk, looking into my purse when I came back after helping out in another room.
her job is such that her duties would never take her near my desk.
I just moved to place my books down and move to my chair, and she walked away muttering to herself “probably just trash anyway, I don’t care.”

I have had some things go missing at work before, but there would be no way to prove it’s her, nor would I really want.to.

I have a senior role to her, but I’m not her supervisor.

of course from now on, I’ll take minimal things to work, and leave them in my locker - and I won’t leave my purse open like that.

but I’m wondering if I should tell my supervisor? It’s such an odd thing to experience, and I don’t think there’s anything he can do. But I have my performance review coming up, where we’ll talk about how things are going, and I don’t want to hide this from him, either. (He’s an awesome supervisor, and a lovely human. I trust him.)

what would you do?
this woman has already been vocally quite rude … she’s very obviously neurodivergent in such a way that it stops her from advancing at work, and she’s bitter about that. She also tells lies, and it’s obvious when she does. So maybe I don’t need to say anything?

thanks for your thoughts on this.
it’s trivial. With all that’s going on in the world and all our various struggles in life, but it bothered me because I trust my team; I’ve felt safe and happy in my department, and this was -
just gross.

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 20/06/2025 04:00

Why didn’t you say something to her at the time. Such as ‘what are you doing at my desk looking in my purse’?

3luckystars · 20/06/2025 04:04

Of course you should say something. Definitely

Newnamehiwhodis · 20/06/2025 04:48

HoppingPavlova · 20/06/2025 04:00

Why didn’t you say something to her at the time. Such as ‘what are you doing at my desk looking in my purse’?

It was so busy yesterday, and the internet was down. Trying to keep this vague so it’s not too outing.
I had my hands full, and my brain didn’t really process what I saw until after I’d had some sleep!
I know how weird that sounds. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I tend to go into autopilot when something surprises me that much.

OP posts:
Newnamehiwhodis · 20/06/2025 04:51

3luckystars · 20/06/2025 04:04

Of course you should say something. Definitely

Ok, thank you. I wanted to check with unbiased others, to see if maybe I was being a petty person.
I don’t like her, but I feel that has no place in the workplace I’m in - and I don’t want my personal dislikes to inform my actions.

OP posts:
helpmebudget · 20/06/2025 05:09

When you say purse do you mean purse with your money/bank cards in it or purse as in handbag?
of course neither is acceptable and nobody should be looking in either. Definitely mention it to your line manager

Choppedcoriander · 20/06/2025 05:16

Actually looking in your purse? Or do you mean your bag? Either way, yes, tell your line manager.

PurpleChrayn · 20/06/2025 06:42

Newnamehiwhodis · 20/06/2025 04:51

Ok, thank you. I wanted to check with unbiased others, to see if maybe I was being a petty person.
I don’t like her, but I feel that has no place in the workplace I’m in - and I don’t want my personal dislikes to inform my actions.

So if you did like her, you wouldn’t mind her going through your stuff? Liking her or not has nothing to do with it. Report what you saw.

Iamnowthetealady · 20/06/2025 13:40

I would absolutely say something! Ask them to put CCTV in! We had a guy at work going through women’s sports gear and smelling it. They put a camera up and caught him and he was sacked. You should feel safe at work

LadyLapsang · 20/06/2025 19:35

It doesn’t sound like she had opened your purse / wallet. Was she just near your desk and looking in your bag? Don’t leave your bag unattended.

Years ago there was a rather attractive young temp working in DH’s office. One day a colleague returned to his desk from lunch to find his credit card in her hand - she had just removed it from his wallet. She was sacked on the spot and they escorted her out but didn’t tell the agency why. I told them they should have called the Police and of course told the agency - they didn’t.

The shocking but slightly amusing denouncement was when the men ( it was all senior well paid men she targeted) got their credit card bills that month they found she had been buying clothes and even going for long lunches where she had expensive cut and colour appointments charged to their cards. DH even said they had complemented her on the hair restyle! Even then they didn’t contact the Police.

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