Compassionate or parental leave

Doherty2 · 2025-06-19T19:24:53+00:00

My job has giving me a monitoring form as I’ve been off 4 times. 1 time was due to my own sickness, but the other 3 days were due to my 2 kids (3&4) being sick. In my work the policy is your only allowed 3 sickness periods a year. My argument is the 3 of the sickness wasn’t me and was my children. I rely on childcare so if there sick I can’t send them to school r childcare. I have asked my work for the guidelines r policy’s that are in place for parents as I don’t believe this is right? Has anyone even experienced this before or have any advice?

Mumof1andacat · 19/06/2025 20:32

I work in the nhs. Sickness days are for you. Your child being sick is generally first day carers leave then after you need to find alternative childcare so you can work, take annual leave or be unpaid

Marble10 · 19/06/2025 20:33

It’s not compassionate leave. But it can be classed as unpaid leave. My work pays for ‘my sick days’ when I am ill myself but if my kids are ill I have to take leave or unpaid leave. Sadly sounds like your company is similar.

Motheranddaughter · 19/06/2025 20:39

You weren’t sick so why would you get sick leave/pay ?

HamSandwichKiller · 19/06/2025 20:40

It would be dependents leave where I work. Which is unpaid. In some cases colleagues would be allowed to take annual leave which is paid but there isn’t an endless supply of days obviously.

WallaceinAnderland · 19/06/2025 20:46

It's not sick leave because you weren't sick. It's not compassionate leave as you don't usually get that just for childcare. Parental leave usually has to be approved in advance and is unpaid so if they do grant it retrospectively don't expect to be paid for those days.

Was there any reason why didn't you take annual leave?

Mrsttcno1 · 19/06/2025 20:49

Did you not take them as sick days yourself? They aren’t compassionate leave or parental leave.

BernardButlersBra · 19/06/2025 21:01

Mumof1andacat · 19/06/2025 20:32

I work in the nhs. Sickness days are for you. Your child being sick is generally first day carers leave then after you need to find alternative childcare so you can work, take annual leave or be unpaid

This. Why would be allowed to use your sick leave for someone else?!

RidingMyBike · 19/06/2025 21:06

Sick leave is for when you’re ill.

Check your work’s policies for dependent’s leave. It might have a slightly different name. Often you can take one day (unpaid) to deal with a family emergency. After that it’s unpaid leave or annual leave. You’re also entitled to four weeks of unpaid parental leave a year, although it normally has to be booked in advance so isn’t much help for caring for sick children.

FelloffaCliffedge · 19/06/2025 21:07

So you should only have 1 period of sickness as the other times you weren’t sick. Because of sickness absence monitoring it’s really important you don’t get registered as off sick when you’re not ill.

What did you agree with your manager when you rang to say you had a sick child and wouldn’t be in?
With many companies it would be carers leave (paid or unpaid) or you’d have option to take annual leave.

You need to speak to your manager and remind her you weren’t ill yourself on those other 3 dates. Remind her you were off because you had a sick child and get the absence changed to something other than sickness absence

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 19/06/2025 21:11

Did you call in sick when your kids were off, or did you ask for annual leave/unpaid emergency leave for dependents? Your post doesn't make it clear.

Parental leave usually needs to be taken in week long blocks and has to be requested in advance, so I don't think this would apply.

I'm not sure why you mentioned compassionate leave? It doesn't sound like that's relevant here.

DurinsBane · 19/06/2025 21:13

That is emergency annual leave in my place. So your work put them down as sick days?

LeedsZebra90 · 19/06/2025 21:13

It would be discretionary leave at my place, or a flexi day and id work back the time. Discretionary leave could be paid (more likely in an emergency, kids in hospital etc.) but if the kids were off school ill it would be unpaid.

lyinginthebathpondering · 19/06/2025 21:16

In my - and the vast majority of - workplaces, you would need to take this as unpaid leave (or annual leave).

Why on earth did you think it would go down as sick leave?!

I have worked in some very family friendly places previously where we got up to 5 days paid per year for such things, but unfortunately that’s rare.

TartanMammy · 19/06/2025 21:18

It's not sick leave if you're not sick. It's not compassionate leave either.

At my workplace it would be 'parenting leave' we get up to five days a year paid, but this is a perk/benefit of the job, most other places I have worked it's unpaid leave for sick children.

Original poster

Doherty2 · 19/06/2025 21:18

Thank you I work for a government department but I’m employed through an agency so I have to go back and fourth with the two. I have questioned a number of times why I’m being put down as sick when it’s not me, just to get a reply that it’s the agency who decides this. I contacted the agency who said they just put it down as that but nothing can be done. I honestly just let it go but now I’ve been giving a monitoring form I’m not happy with it and just don’t know were I stand. I’m happy to take the time unpaid. I’m usually off no more than a couple of days if they are sick. I have doctors appointments to prove my kids were all sick at the time I’ve had to take time off as they all req doctors visit's.

OP posts:

SquashedMallow · 19/06/2025 21:18

Learn for next time: lie and say you're sick is the easiest way around it. I don't care if it's controversial. I haven't done it but know people who have (I'm talking solely for when your kids are sick and need mum )

Take unpaid leave - at least you can be off. Mum duties come first. Your employer will replace you before you're cold if you died, so put your kids first. Even if that means telling a white lie that it's you that's sick.

I guess if you're flagging up on too much time off, unpaid leave may be the better option

Motheranddaughter · 19/06/2025 22:09

SquashedMallow · 19/06/2025 21:18

Learn for next time: lie and say you're sick is the easiest way around it. I don't care if it's controversial. I haven't done it but know people who have (I'm talking solely for when your kids are sick and need mum )

Take unpaid leave - at least you can be off. Mum duties come first. Your employer will replace you before you're cold if you died, so put your kids first. Even if that means telling a white lie that it's you that's sick.

I guess if you're flagging up on too much time off, unpaid leave may be the better option

Edited

And get fired for lying potentially
Great advice (not)

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 19/06/2025 22:16

Doherty2 · 19/06/2025 21:18

Thank you I work for a government department but I’m employed through an agency so I have to go back and fourth with the two. I have questioned a number of times why I’m being put down as sick when it’s not me, just to get a reply that it’s the agency who decides this. I contacted the agency who said they just put it down as that but nothing can be done. I honestly just let it go but now I’ve been giving a monitoring form I’m not happy with it and just don’t know were I stand. I’m happy to take the time unpaid. I’m usually off no more than a couple of days if they are sick. I have doctors appointments to prove my kids were all sick at the time I’ve had to take time off as they all req doctors visit's.

Is your partner covering a fair share of the sickness absence or are you a single parent?

Do you not have to complete a self cert form when you've been marked down as being off sick?

Comefromaway · 19/06/2025 22:21

By law you are entitied to reasonable (unpaid) dependents leave so it is very important that you impress on the agency that’s MUST be recorded as such. They cannot discipline you for taking this leave although you may find only the first day is deemed reasonable.

SquashedMallow · 19/06/2025 22:25

Motheranddaughter · 19/06/2025 22:09

And get fired for lying potentially
Great advice (not)

Show quote history

Ok. Take unpaid leave. No skin of my nose !?

BeFancyOrca · 12/12/2025 13:40

YANBU. They are conflating 'Sickness' with statutory 'Time off for Dependents' If they are counting your kids' bugs against your sickness record to hit a trigger point, that's just lazy admin. I had this exact battle a few years ago. My HR tried to claim that absence is just absence until we finally got a proper system (edays) that forced them to categorise 'dependency leave' separately. All of a sudden, my quote 'sickness' record vanished because the system stopped lumping everything together. They are likely relying on a basic tracker that lacks nuance. Stand your ground—you have a statutory right to that time off for emergencies.

PigeonsandSquirrels · 12/12/2025 13:43

Mumof1andacat · 19/06/2025 20:32

I work in the nhs. Sickness days are for you. Your child being sick is generally first day carers leave then after you need to find alternative childcare so you can work, take annual leave or be unpaid

What childcare will take sick children? Not everyone has people who will help. My parents are hundreds of miles away…

Mulledjuice · 12/12/2025 13:45

Doherty2 · 19/06/2025 21:18

Thank you I work for a government department but I’m employed through an agency so I have to go back and fourth with the two. I have questioned a number of times why I’m being put down as sick when it’s not me, just to get a reply that it’s the agency who decides this. I contacted the agency who said they just put it down as that but nothing can be done. I honestly just let it go but now I’ve been giving a monitoring form I’m not happy with it and just don’t know were I stand. I’m happy to take the time unpaid. I’m usually off no more than a couple of days if they are sick. I have doctors appointments to prove my kids were all sick at the time I’ve had to take time off as they all req doctors visit's.

It's not sustainable for you to have to take time off work every time your child is sick and you are not - you need to line up some nannies/childminders/babysitters who will do emergency childcare for sick kids if you dont have family /friend support. As PP have said, dependents' leave doesnt really work for this as it is supposed to be week-long blocks and agreed in advance.
Obviously if your employer leave policy has other provisions or you can make an arrangement with them about emergency dependents' leave that is great.

Yes it's really hard.

You might want a file note to clarify that those absences were not your sick leave, but you would need to be able to say which leave type they are otherwise you may get written up for unauthorised absence!

MoreDangerousThanAWomanScorned · 12/12/2025 13:51

Mulledjuice · 12/12/2025 13:45

It's not sustainable for you to have to take time off work every time your child is sick and you are not - you need to line up some nannies/childminders/babysitters who will do emergency childcare for sick kids if you dont have family /friend support. As PP have said, dependents' leave doesnt really work for this as it is supposed to be week-long blocks and agreed in advance.
Obviously if your employer leave policy has other provisions or you can make an arrangement with them about emergency dependents' leave that is great.

Yes it's really hard.

You might want a file note to clarify that those absences were not your sick leave, but you would need to be able to say which leave type they are otherwise you may get written up for unauthorised absence!

Show quote history

you need to line up some nannies/childminders/babysitters who will do emergency childcare for sick kids if you dont have family /friend support.

This literally doesn't exist at a price point that someone who is an agency worker in the civil service would be able to access - and barely exists, and only in a few places, even if you are able to pay the earth for it.

Mulledjuice · 12/12/2025 14:14

MoreDangerousThanAWomanScorned · 12/12/2025 13:51

you need to line up some nannies/childminders/babysitters who will do emergency childcare for sick kids if you dont have family /friend support.

This literally doesn't exist at a price point that someone who is an agency worker in the civil service would be able to access - and barely exists, and only in a few places, even if you are able to pay the earth for it.

Show quote history

Then OP is going to have to negotiate something with work.