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Shitty email out of the blue from colleague- did I handle this ok?

15 replies

Fluffalumpper · 16/06/2025 10:01

Name change for this one but need a hand hold.

I started my job just under a year ago and love it. Lovely boss, lovely people. My team all work from home and half are outside the UK. Breath of fresh air after my last job!

Within our team we all have different specialisms and including myself there are two of us who do what I do. I was hired by my boss, the other lady already worked here but under a different team and was moved up to us.

We get on really well, we have weekly meetings and she often sings my praises to my boss. It’s a very technical role so we often ask for each other’s opinions or suggestions and it works well. I help her A LOT but don’t mind.

I don’t know if this is relevant but for context she’s from a country known for being a bit abrupt and she will say herself that she can be a bit abrupt. This rarely happens but usually takes me by surprise as it often seems out of context.

Anyway, she’s on leave and I was contacted about a project last week. Some projects are assigned to us and some are ad hoc. I hadn’t worked on it before so assumed it was ad hoc (we’re not supposed to cover each others work whilst they’re on leave) as my boss was copied in and didn’t say otherwise, I did the work and sent my responses.

The project manager then responded and copied this woman in and I’ve opened my email this morning to a shitty email she’s sent to us all from her holiday. She appreciates me covering whilst she’s away but this is officially hers, and she would highly appreciate being kept in the loop and for me to store everything correctly for her return in the respective folder.

She’s a bit messy with her folders and has project folders in different places. I didn’t know this was her project but also couldn’t find a folder so had everything stored under mine.

Anyway, after being pissed off for a few minutes I calmly responded that I hope she was having a lovely holiday. I didn’t know who this was assigned to but I was happy to help. Having not being able to locate a folder in her SharePoint I’ve set one up for her (including the link) alongside her other projects and I’m happy to got through it with her when she’s back.

I then went on to thank the other lady for her updates.

Was that OK? I wanted to go for pleasantly reasonable (but also pointing out she didn’t have a folder) in contrast to her being effing rude.

I think she’s going through some stress at home (husband worried about losing his job) but I find this a bit unnecessary. She did something similar the other week that also pissed me off. We’d been discussing something that we’d been told in a meeting and were both equally baffled by as we couldn’t find it online. I was then sent some documents about it so sent it to the related team making it clear it was a bit uncertain but probably useful for them to have it. Instead of coming back to me to discuss it she emailed us all, including my boss, correcting me. Apparently she’d made some calls and got the clarification we needed. She did it in a very condescending way.

There is a lot of uncertainty at work and my boss has told me that if we need to let anyone go it won’t be me. Her recent attitude makes me wonder if the uncertainty is making her trying to make me look bad.

OP posts:
mmsnet · 16/06/2025 10:17

think youre both in the right

its her project and shes making sure everyone knows it, maybe shes afraid of being sidelined

and you were right to be defensive, its not your fault you were asked to help out

Fluffalumpper · 16/06/2025 10:32

@mmsnet yeah, I can understand she might be a bit unsettled. I’ve been trying to encourage her to take on and lead some of the big initiatives we’re having to work on but she’s very reluctant to do it which is now leaving me to take the lead on everything. I’m even having to do some of the technical work on her projects because she won’t read the documents she needs to to understand and do it.

We have a big team meeting next week and she’s not coming. She’s not keen on travel despite our role involving a lot of international travel. I don’t want her to leave, I want is to grow the team not lose anyone but she’s not very reactive.

The point she raised about being kept in the loop was specifically directed at me. She thanked the other woman for copying her in.

OP posts:
healthybychristmas · 16/06/2025 10:46

She's not exactly a good team player is she? She is being very silly letting you take the lead on everything especially if redundancies are in the offing. All I can suggest is that you put your name on absolutely everything you do.

mynameiscalypso · 16/06/2025 10:53

This is the kind of situation that happens from time to time - I also have a couple of colleagues who would react in the way that your colleague did. I tend to roll my eyes internally but play nicely. I think your response was perfect. I wouldn’t dwell on it now.

Blushingm · 16/06/2025 10:56

I think her email just sounded normal - not shitty just matter of fact

Witchling · 16/06/2025 11:00

I’m even having to do some of the technical work on her projects because she won’t read the documents she needs to to understand and do it

Well I'd stop doing that for a start

Spirallingdownwards · 16/06/2025 11:04

Witchling · 16/06/2025 11:00

I’m even having to do some of the technical work on her projects because she won’t read the documents she needs to to understand and do it

Well I'd stop doing that for a start

Absolutely this - or if she wants to start playing the copying in the boss game email cc the boss - here is the info on the tech information you didn't want to read/cba to read and asked me to brief you on!

Fluffalumpper · 16/06/2025 11:11

Blushingm · 16/06/2025 10:56

I think her email just sounded normal - not shitty just matter of fact

it was the responding whilst on holiday (not expected in our company) in combination with thanking the project manager for looping her in and going on to accuse me of cutting her out. She outlined “what she would expect from me going forward”…

OP posts:
TheMeasure · 16/06/2025 11:17

I would imagine that everyone else copied into that email from her (“what she would expect from you going forward??? WTF?!) will be rolling their eyes at her.
She may have just signed her own redundancy notice, actually.

Fluffalumpper · 16/06/2025 11:19

@Witchling @Spirallingdownwards my manager knows I’m having to do this. I have weekly meetings with her to run through everything I’m working on and she knows that not only have I done it I’ve found errors in the original work and other issues and I’m having to propose strategy to solve it.
The team for this project also know I’m the one doing it so there’s no ambiguity about it.

OP posts:
Ohnobackagain · 16/06/2025 11:21

@Fluffalumpper as long as she’s aware you genuinely hadn’t realised it was ‘hers’ and therefore you’re not trying to steal anything, you’ve done enough (I’d have probably responded to that effect on the group chat). If need be, I’d have added something about handing over when she got back (not wanting to mis-file anything). She does sound like she was just trying to point out she’s on that bit of work but a little insecure in how she came across. I’m sure you can clear the air when she’s back.

Sauvignonblanket · 16/06/2025 11:27

Lots she could be doing differently but it would have been worth you checking that this definitely was an ad hoc project rather than one of hers before taking it on - rather than assuming

spoonbillstretford · 16/06/2025 11:35

Sounds like you've handled it just fine to me, OP.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 16/06/2025 11:42

I would ignore it, take the high road and leave it all to play out. People who behave like that usually dig their own grave.

Fluffalumpper · 16/06/2025 11:49

Sauvignonblanket · 16/06/2025 11:27

Lots she could be doing differently but it would have been worth you checking that this definitely was an ad hoc project rather than one of hers before taking it on - rather than assuming

The reason I didn’t was because my boss was copied and she’s very quick to jump in if someone’s directed work to the wrong person(she did this for another email sent from the same person to me at the same time) and I had a call with my boss just after I received the request where we talked about this and she mentioned she wanted me to look at it. No mention that the other person was officially assigned to it.

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