Work life balance

[bumblebee2025]

Interested in getting some thoughts from others to help me make a decision.

Husband in the Navy, works away at base during week as well as long periods away. Only a few years off the end of the contract so we’re holding out for the full pension benefits.

2 kids, one in infant school, other in nursery.

I work full time, busy role, mix of work from home/office and long days/evening work to be able to do school run.

I'm not career motivated, only thing motivating me in current line of work is financial security. We bought a small house well under budget so we could try and overpay. Also in catchment for a poor secondary so our two long term goals were over pay mortgage and save for possible private secondary. Both achievable as part of 10 year plan.

But I am finding having to juggle full time work and looking after the kids mostly by myself exhausting. Contemplating asking to reduce to 4 days, although this would mean less money for savings (no impact to day to day living expenses).

Do I try and stick it out now and be mortgage free earlier, or go for 4 days? Short term pain, long term gain?

My thought process is skewed by growing up in a deprived area and seeing the impact that lack of financial security can have

I would go down to 4 days now. Personally I think it's hugely important for young children (through primary school) to have a parent present. I actually think that will have a bigger impact than a better secondary school (assuming the secondary school they would go to isn't terrible)

So because I work flexi hours (2 extended/long days, 3 days of school hours plus evening working) I am around 3 days a week and do school drop off and pick up. My plan for the extra day off when they were in school/nursery was house work, batch cooking, running errands etc. so I didn’t have to try and cram this into the weekend when they were with me. When I felt a bit more on top of things, I would take my youngest out of nursery on the extra day to spend some quality time before she starts school.

I’d prioritise financial security, change work pattern to be more than 0.8fte but a little less than full time, use wraparound care to reduce the evening working.

i would also move house close to a popular secondary school, due to the hugely increasing costs of private school.

Cannot use more wraparound care (2year waitlist, already lots of people struggling to find wraparound care).

I do not want to move. We live in a lovely family friendly area, kids out on their bikes, lots of green space, can walk to the shops etc. Moving would increase our day to day costs (far more expensive houses) so less savings and we would end up in a more built up area where the kids would not have the same quality of childhood.

The options are stay as I am or reduce my hours but push out the timeframe for our savings goals.

Given what you say about your role, are you likely to fall into the trap of doing the same amount of work but getting paid less for it?

Yes this would likely be the case. The entire department is chronically overworked and understaffed.

I would reduce your work hours. Quality of life matters and it seems like this would improve the quality of yours and in turn your children's (they can tell a stressed out overworked parent from a more laid-back one!).

I wouldn't take a pay cut to do batch cooking and housework. Could you get some sort of '"mother's help"/housekeeper on a weekend so so you can be fully present for your kids, without having to worry about chores?

You said in your first post that it wouldn’t impact your day to day living so based on that, I’d go down a day. Do you earn more than the cost of childcare/ home help? If you do, it would be worth outsourcing some things.

What is the rush to be mortgage free?

I definitely snap at them more than I would like ☹️

Where's hubby in all this??

Apart form in the navy, obviously

I have never heard of a mother’s help, what kind of jobs do they do?

Definitely reduce your hours. When the kids are 15 it won’t matter if you’ve reached your saving goals (in 10 years) if you’ve had a back breaking 10 years. What’s the point? Childhood is to be enjoyed. And so is life now, not tomorrow

Yes I could keep youngest in nursery (I would drop one of my short days/evening working) and take the time to organise life and hopefully go to the gym as well as get my evening back

There is a personal reason for wanting to be mortgage free relating to health.

When he’s home we split things well. But when he’s away for long stints and during the week I’m on own.

You’re right, I want to enjoy my kids childhood

Could you spend the money between 0.8 ft and ft on getting some help at home? Can you spend some money to make life easier? Buy from cook, get a cleaner, laundry done or something?

That might be best for you. Don’t underestimate the need to look after yourself too.

Mother's help = Good with kids plus housework https://www.snuggleschildcare.co.uk/mothers-help/, e.g.:

• Preparing and cooking healthy meals
• Keeping toys and play areas clean and tidy
• Running light errands and helping with grocery shopping
• Light housekeeping including tidying, hoovering and ironing

Thanks all. Interesting to see a mix of stick it out and reduce hours. It’s a very tricky decision.

Reduce hours. I did it and never looked back. We get so little time with them as it js.

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My advice is ... do it, now!