Freelancers - or anyone with a less than solid job - how do you manage self-esteem?

[lookbook321]

Feeling very, very low at the moment, and can't seem to snap out of it.

Been freelance for a decade, don't want to say exactly what in case outing. My industry has undergone huge changes in the past few years - as a result there's less work all round in what's always been a very, very competitive industry.

Rejection is rife, as is disappointment - it absolutely goes with the territory. Trouble is, I have gone from being very resilient and robust to feeling really burnt out and stressed by it all.

I recently faced a big and surprising rejection from a client I'd worked with extensively with in the past - and he handled it very poorly/unprofessionally, which I think was the trigger for me becoming so low.

Rather than shrugging and moving on, which I have done easily in the face of past challenges, this experiences has left me feeling worthless and fragile. I can't seem to pick myself up from it - which I really have to, as a freelancer.

Any tips on how to make myself feel better? Thanks

Anyone?! Maybe I should have placed this in mental health 😅...but I imagine it's something a lot of freelancers have to contend with...

Bumping for you

I am not a freelancer but I know how hard it is. Rejection isn't personal and this clients poor behaviour is on him, not you.

Thanks @L00pyLou - I don't know why it's hit me so hard. It's by far the first challenge I've had to navigate in my area of work (like I said, 'rejection' and disappointment is part of the job) - but somehow it's sent me into a spin, and I feel like I can't cope with more unexpected knocks like this one.

It's really difficult. I'm not a freelancer, but I remember struggling greatly to get back into teaching after taking time out with a baby. I was (I think) an excellent and experienced teacher in my 40s - but that made me expensive. I can remember crying all the way home from another failed interview where there was me and a girl who was 4 months into teacher training - and they gave her the job.

She'd basically done about 8 weeks in a classroom being observed - and they said 'she taught an excellent lesson', which made me feel utterly shit. I'd been teaching for about 20 years. I KNOW it was because she was about £20k a year cheaper than me, but it's so hard not to take this personally.

I found myself thinking I must be really poor at my job - which I'm not.

You have to rationalise that your self worth isn't linked to your job, and keep telling yourself that CoL crisis means people are cutting back and that things are tough at the moment - but it's not a personal reflection on you.

I had exactly this too. It really does knock you. Sending sympathies, a cup of tea and a hug OP!

Well if I didn't have an excess of Self confidence I would never have become a freelancer.
Its not for everyone and you need to accept that there will be highs and lows. I love it and could never go in house now

Thanks everyone. @Hatty65 - interesting and thanks for the empathy. I'm also in my 40s and pretty experienced. I'm not sure it's really anything to do with people not being able to afford me, as it was with you - and this one DOES feel personal tbh. We'd worked together across several projects, he had hired me several times before...and has now gone COMPLETELY dark on me. I know he's not dead or whatever 😂 It's knocked my confidence as I thought we'd had a really great working relationship.

@WhiteCloudd - thanks, I need it!

@Hoppinggreen - this is the thing. I'm usually pretty thick-skinned and robust, you have to be in this game. I'm more than used to projects not working out, other people being hired instead of me, pitching for gigs that don't happen. But having someone I worked with for a long time then decide to blank me without any explanation feels crap - and it's making me doubt myself tbh.

@lookbook321 That's terrible! I'm really sorry to hear that, and understand why it feels 'personal'. As you say, if he's not given you clear feedback and has just 'gone dark' then he has handled it badly and unprofessionally.

I am cross on your behalf! When you know someone and have worked with them I think you owe them a graceful rejection if not using them - something as simple as an email to say, 'Thanks very much for pitching for this one, Lookbook. We've decided not to go with your ideas/project on this occasion as we're heading down a different route - but certainly hope to work with you in the future and have been impressed with your work on previous occasions'.

Bloody rude man! Please don't doubt yourself - it says an awful lot more about him than it does about you.