Is relocating for work selfish with young kids even if I'm miserable?

[CatCharlie]

I have a well paid job, with good flexibility and ability to work part-time. We live in a lovely part of the country, albeit it is slightly remote. Our dc are close to a good school, with dd (age 4) about to start school and ds (age 2) still at nursery. Dh has a well-paying job too which he likes and is a permanent position.

My contract is coming to an end at the end of this year and I should have an option to apply to a permanent post (no guarantees I will get it of course). However, I have not enjoyed the role for at least a year. I feel like I am about to burnout due to workload and I am struggling to get senior people to engage with me about my workload. DH can relocate with his current company, and I have qualifications which mean I could apply for the same/similar jobs across the country, retaining same pay and benefits. However, there is nowhere we could go that would not require us to move.

We have family and friends in London and surrounding areas (on both sides including ageing parents for me and a disabled ds for dh). That region contains multiple different options for us both to gain employment. If we moved, we would choose to go there.

Our house has de-valued so we would take a financial hit in moving. However, we both have good enough salaries that I think we could recover in 4 or 5 years, even accounting for London prices.

I am miserable due to my job tbh. However, miserable too at the thought that moving for the sake of me could lead to major family disruption. Given everyone except me is happy and that dd1 is about to start school and we would have financial strain for a few years, should I focus on staying here and finding ways to cope better with work? It may even be that I'm not cut out for this work, I can no longer tell. Maybe I'd feel the same in another organisation. Although if we move to a more built-up area then there are other roles I could take on, which aren't available here. DH would be happy to move if I said I needed it, as he'd be happy to be close to his family and friends, but equally he's not desperate to uproot.

However, I'm particularly worried about disrupting dd at this critical point- perhaps it could lead to long-term ramifications for her mental health in moving half way through her first year at school?

I know it's impossible to convey everything in a single post. But even if others have similar experiences to share, it would help me get some clarity! I keep going round in circles and it's making me miserable tbh.

Why is changing jobs without relocating not your first option?

Kids move school all the time. As long as future moves are minimised, it’s fine to move schools.

My son moved school at the end of Reception and stayed at the next school until year 6. He went up to secondary school with some year 6 friends too and has never commented on the fact that he had to move schools.

A miserable mother is much worse for DC than a move at this stage, I think.

Sounds like a great idea if it gives you more employment options and access to your elderly family and dh's disabled ds. Your joint children are tiny and will easily adapt, plus in the long-run the area around London will present more opportunities for them too.

Your husband has a disabled son in London and lives in a remote area?? On those grounds alone you should relocate more locally!

Several kids moved and joined my DC school in reception, with no ill effects. I wouldn't worry about the impact unless they're secondary age.

Sorry, that is me mis-typing - it's his sister!

Is the DS a sister? As I assume your husband hasn’t moved away from a disabled son.

Sounds like you'll be trapped in your job if you stay. Which doesn't sound sustainable.

Yep, agree. I didn't want to make my post over-long by going into it (and potentially give away too much), but we are positioned so that finding a job that would give sufficient pay/flexibility to have the benefits (for family life) of the current one has been impossible so far. If I moved, but stayed in same role, I could retain those benefits. I am looking for remote work in other sectors on an ongoing basis though.

I'd say your kids are kind of perfect age to move tbh - it only gets harder as they get older. Under around 7 ish they make new friends so easily. It definitely won't have long term ramifications for her!

Ok, sorry, OP. I take back my WTF reaction in that case.

Relocating while your children are little is so much easier for them than later in when friendships become very significant and exams loom. I would say go for it - a 4 year old will settle in no time.

I moved significantly on three occasions before I reached adulthood. The early years move barely registered, only the mid teens move caused me problems.