I’m getting managed out. Can I do anything, even for my own sanity?

[Anxiety17]

Name change here because I’m anxious about all of this.

im mid management level in a global company - management of the service rather than a people manager, if that makes sense, but seniority wise sitting at second in command of the team in the UK with three new employees under me.

been at the company four years, first three I absolutely flew - promoted, manager respected me, lots of responsibly etc.

got a new manager last year and me and them do not gel. Think very different viewpoints on life and also to be honest I think they were intimidated by me because I know the company and systems inside out. I’ve tried to remain cordial, polite, friendly at all times - I respect that they are above me. But there’s holes in their work, changing processes but not knowing the reason we do them etc.

I was promised progression at the start of the year in an area of responsibility but this was taken away and now slowly each of my responsibilities are getting removed too. I enjoy being under pressure and doing a lot, and I have seen this technique with colleagues to “manage them out”. It seems the new manager wants a fresh start and new team of more junior staff. I was concerned about redundancy but not so much now - at least I’d get a payout. But I’m concerned my life is getting made more and more difficult to make me leave.

a lot of weird happenings - eg edited messages on slack after one thing was requested and delivered in a certain way. Power plays like hyping up very normal work critique to something which feels insane (“you may want to sit down whilst I deliver this news”) etc, feeding back to me that “no one likes me”.

I’ve tried to go above but because this manager was a high profile hire, above him just protect him.

Unsure what to do. Unions not recognised, we don’t have a HR dept really and I’m worried about it becoming so unbearable. Am applying elsewhere but progress is slow for this type of role. Am writing down any conversations had as a log.

anyone been through similar?

My issue is with a grievance I think is that it feels like a lot of the problems could be argued away. Eg a responsibility that usually goes to the second most senior person on the team (me) and is good for progression is now spread out between far junior staff members - but manager claims that’s the way he wants it. A lot of “senior manager in X department has seen you on slack threads and doesn’t think you’re handling things correctly” etc etc

Sorry, the context to the above is that it’s a lot of pot stirring, making me feel like everyone is talking about me or dislikes me etc

Would prepare to go:
Get your CV and LinkedIn profile en point
Do you need to unskilled in any area? Now is the time to take a course or two whilst you are not under pressure to do so.
Is there a conference or wvent you could attend for work - but use it to get contacts for a new role.
Start quietly applying to other roles.

OP why don’t you print (from home) a bullet point list of every immoral, unkind and incompetent thing this prick has done and stick it to the back of every toilet door in the building?

I want to write it on every whiteboard.
there was an incident regarding comments over my sex life as well (noted, written down, colleague witnessed what happened) and I just feel so gross going in every day.

Disgusting. Did you ever raise this?

I immediately confronted it because although I’ve done a fair bit of playing the corporate game, no one should have to deal with more senior managers making sexist jokes. Im also basically writing a daily diary of interactions to demonstrate a bigger picture but it’s just mad. Stuff like getting me into the office (3 hours away) endlessly last minute then complaining about train fare (written in contract they will pay) and asking me to get a coach instead. Have kept all of this noted

For what it's worth, what you describe, IMHO, it's very hard to fight. Most things can be justified by a manager explaining things away.

I would be tempted to be upfront and say something like 'I feel as though my role has changed significantly, just so you know I would be open to voluntary redundancy'. That way it's on your terms. Sticking around will mean that you risk losing confidence and you will likely leave on bad terms.

I wrote up a grievance and paid a lawyer to give me a view on whether I had a case. I did, even though a lot was the kind of microagressions you're also talking about, a bit of bullying and harassment, potentially sex discrimination but not cut and dried.

Anyway, long story short I wrote a letter saying what I would accept to leave, attached the grievance, got a good settlement, left and then found a role elsewhere.

It was pretty horrible and I spent some time on sick leave from the stress.

Good luck

life lesson: HR does not work for you- they are the agent of the employer.
I landed a great job in pharma however was under one unskilled manager in my area. Everybody else was specialized. He was the only one with no hard skills and took it out on me.
if you know you are leaving I would advise to confront each and every situation from now on and clearly point out to them where they go wrong. (In addition to logging). ALWAYS bring up specifics- not “that he is trying to manage you out”. Lots of small shots each time. It should help build a case and he can’t say he wasn’t aware. I have done this with my bully and boy seeing him shrink (the obnoxious liar he was) in his seat and APOLOGISE was the best thing. Good luck, short term - confront and log, long term apply and upskill.
the management always wins and unless criminal the company always backs the management. Their expense policy gives me an idea it’s poorly managed anyway so take the skills you built up and time to move on. Sometimes life decides for us. I got a better job for 30% more salary and wfh leaving pharma, who knew this is what’s in store for me when I was dealing with the dead-eyed prck. Good luck- it is a marathon to outsmart a liar.

In your shoes I'd be tempted to keep a log of everything but just coast it now. If they want to take more things off your plate then fine, just sit and play candy crush or whatever.

I left a place last year, think 3 directors and one of them was so toxic I had to leave. I flagged all of my issues to the other 2, provided all the evidence, repeatedly used the words "bully" and "bullied". Sent proof my emails were being read. Had to email this proof from my own personal email address so the other director couldn't see it.

Genuinely one of my most horrendous times in a job I absolutely love doing.

My current employer, the senior manager who recruited me had the CEOs mate join the company at the same job title as him. Even I knew he was about to be phased out. He sat tight and got like 6 months pay for his trouble when they eventually asked him to go.

In your shoes I would say absolutely nothing about realising what is going on. If you play dumb then you have the upper hand when they eventually step out of line (and they will). If they have a hint you will take a package they will lowball you. Whereas if you appear blissfully unaware they will have to make an offer too good to refuse.

Look up the Peter Principle, if you are unaware you are viewed as "incompetent" you'll get less tasks and a bigger pay out.

Thank you so much for all of this. Yes this is exactly the problem - each cut is so tiny that it is hard to put your finger on, but so consistent that it has to be deliberate. I think on a personal level I want them to know that they aren’t being as sly and cunning as they think, I know exactly what is happening, but professionally I think best to smile and wave for now.

it’s so frustrating - it should be an environment where it’s fine to do your job well and progress without worrying about personality clashes.

Have others before you been able to get an "exit package"? If there is a precedent for that, then I would probably try it, given the terrible environment. The other question I have is that you say someone else needled you into admitting there is a communication problem. Is it possible that the other colleague made redundant had some unflattering comments on their way out that has now alerted management that your manager may be problematic? If that is a possibility, would it make sense to be honest with your manager's manager? I don't normally recommend going above someone to resolve an issue, but if you are on your way out, and your manager is this problematic, asking them for the exit package may backfire, especially if they are feeling eyes on them right now.

Hey, thanks so much for this. I know informally there’s precedent for exit packages, but the company is top heavy so my role is comparatively junior (even though in other jobs I’d be mid senior level - does this make any sense?) so I’m not sure they’d take my request seriously.

It’s well known there are communication issues. When I went to his manager (on his managers request to have a meeting with me) I said that we were having them, that I struggled to get a straight and clear directive on what was needed, that tasks weren’t communicated clearly. His manager AGREED with me and said he understood. I actually framed this for diplomacy as “I can try to meet him in the middle, maybe our communication styles don’t naturally mesh” but was told in no uncertain terms they understood communication wasn’t my issue.

i just don’t know what to do, it’s getting worse every day. Applying for jobs way way under the salary as of this moment as I just need to be out - but it feels so unfair. I’ve worked so hard and every performance review prior I’ve had “outstanding” or been promoted / given a bonus.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, OP.

Sadly, I'm in a somewhat similar situation and need to start tracking things. Mostly, these are rather subtle expressions of distrust, exclusion, and contradictory or absent directions which my response is then criticised, rather than direct accusations or bullying. I don't know how best to set up a system to quickly and consistently track these to build up a picture.

Can anyone recommend a system or template to log work incidents like this?

i just wanted to say solidarity here and please start logging and screenshotting as this is how it started for me.

if it helps I spoke to acas today and they said basically it’s super difficult to get a constructive dismissal case upheld unless it’s actively made impossible for you to work there - so being subtle is exactly what they know they need to do to push you out.

again, so sorry this is happening to yoj

Solidarity right back atcha!

Really useful to know. I think, much like you, I'll style it out for as long as poss while noting everything, and applying for other jobs. The market is not buoyant in my area so I don't know how long I'll need to hang in there. I really hope you find something soon.

In terms of logging things, I did a bit of online research and came up with a list of info to record, and have made up a spreadsheet I can throw things into quickly. If anyone else is looking to do something similar, it's just a column each for: date, time, context, what was said, what was done, how I responded, how I felt, witnesses.

I lost my job today, as predicted. Hope you’re all well

Oh no so sorry to hear this. What happened in the end?

Urgh I'm sorry to hear that, what happened in the end? I'm sure there will be something much better which will be a wonderful fresh start but it's horrid to go through.

Redundant or fired? I’m very sorry. I hope happier times come out of this. Out of adversity and all that

Sorry to hear that. What happened in the end?

I got put on a pip for not showing enough growth in the last year, with 4 weeks to turn it around, so I said let me go now. I think this is against the law (the 4 weeks)

Been there unfortunately. Job market for my role is dire. And I’m in my 50s. So I’ve retrained in Agentic AI and I’m having fun.
if you want a recommendation very happy to give one.
ObvIously not the outcome I was looking for but who knows maybe I’ll make my millions.

Sorry to hear that. Did they offer you a payout?