Long term dream is to get any other job. Lost for what to do in short term as was another day work has brought me to hysterical tears.
I’m feeling sick with fear about work tomorrow, can’t pull a sickie as will be accused of lying (mentally I feel very ill and have history of depression).
Manager shares additional niche task in our group chat, asking for volunteers to pick it up, sharing a jira link with steps. No one volunteers because it’s a confusing task, involves testing system process we’ve never worked on etc. Will take triple the time because of guesswork involved on what is even being required. It’s on top of BAU workload too.
Manager then forces me to pick it up, I’m not allowed to say no - I tried to politely hint that although I’m happy to help I’m on annual leave so may not finish it in time. (Task has multi steps for each day of week). Unsurprisingly manager doesn’t care, for context they are unapproachable and don’t seem to like me.
Task steps on Jira ticket are poorly written by manager (as usual!). Manager has form for getting angry if you ask questions because claim they’re ‘busy’ and if you can’t magically figure it out they will turn it on you for being lazy/incompetent. I don’t expect to be spoon fed but how is this a productive or sustainable way of working if so many hours wasted simply understanding basic reqs of the task.
Steps mentioned to refer to specific team for a report. Had done so but that team tells me there must be mistake, they’re not responsible for xyz and directed to another team instead. Believe it or not, the same thing happens repeatedly and I end up on a wild goose chase for a report which every team I reach out to doesn’t know about. I keep my manager updated whilst doing this but they don’t give any helpful tips instead just more confusing responses. It gets to end of the day, and I’ve nothing to ‘show’ for it in terms of task progression so I’m feeling panicked. I work overtime (literally still logged on), but it feels I’m pissing in the wind as still don’t understand the task.
I will be blamed for this lack of task progression even though I’m desperate to find answers/solution. I’m scared for tomorrow
Icing on cake is that it’s a low paid role with no career progression yet I’m brought to tears with the stress. I know many others experience work stress but at least their role is counting for something? From external recruiters perspective my job probably seems low skilled, and it’s a stigma I’ve been stuck in this bad role for so long (not by choice!)