My boss gets too close

[theninthwave]

I started a new job three months ago and I initially thought my new boss was lovely. He's about 35. I am a 59 year old female.
However, not long after I started I noticed he always seemed to be in my personal space and sort of touching me. He then leant on my back during a meeting with both his hands touching my upper back. I had only been there for 3 weeks and it felt really uncomfortable.
I thought probably he was just a bit unaware, but I asked some other women there who I get on well with and they said they hadn't had the same experience.
Last week in a one to one with him I was treated to a full view of his naked belly and chest! I initially thought it was just his top riding up, but it has bothered me, especially as the more I think about it the harder I find it to believe his top could ride up that much on its own.
Apart from that he's a really decent boss. I just can't work out whether he's just clueless or whether there is something else going on, like some sort of power play. He also insists on shortening my name even though I have asked him not to numerous times. I don't want to make things awkward if he is just clueless, but it feels so uncomfortable. Thoughts?

Thoughts?keep fastidious records, time,date,event.
complain to hr with the dates,times,etc
if you’re in a union raise a complaint

He is gross and it’s purposeful. He’s using diminutive of your name,despite you indicating you don’t want this
He lays hands on you, but not others. That is intentional

He's a sexist twat and he's doing it purposely to make you uncomfortable. Go to Hr.

Power play. Only respond when he uses the name you told him to.

Imagine him as an overgrown toddler who thinks his willy is magical cos mommy told him so.

Keep details records and sue the fuck out of him.

How did his tip manage to ride up so far? I'm trying to imagine it.

I once had a boss with a giant belly sidle up behind me and press his belly against my back. I very firmly and clearly said “back off”. He never came close to me again.

you need to clearly tackle this. When he laid hands on you “don’t touch me” or “take your hands off me” would have been appropriate. Do it in a clear and almost nasty tone so there is no mistaking it. Also, don’t be polite and use words like please or sorry. You are not asking, you are telling.

Also, document and report.

I don’t like my name being shortened. Not sure what else you can do if you’ve told him multiple times not to do it. Send him an email clearly outlining it’s not acceptable to you? This one is tricky, but I agree with PP it’s probably to diminish you.

His behaviour is altogether gross and you should not have to put up with it. It sounds like some kind of domination game with him. Maybe he feels intimidated by you. This doesn’t excuse the behaviour.

Lots of good advice on this thread OP I agree that he's behaving really badly.

Don’t put up with his behaviour, as suggested keep notes and if he touches you again use a clear, loud and firm voice telling him to get his hands off you. Make sure others in the office hear you.

🫣🫣🫣

^too

^top

Dear God.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Did he have a direct say in your hiring? Is there any chance he’s attempting to push you out through making you uncomfortable?

There was a woman at work who would stand too closely when talking to you. One day she was doing it to someone and he said "You're in my personal space." and she stepped back and carried on talking.

You could try that.

He is a bit chubby and was wearing a shirt with a tank top type thing over it. He never tucks in his shirt. He leant back in his chair and that's when I got an eyeful. It could have been an accident, but then he needs to sort out his wardrobe!
He also always has really bad breath and belched in my face once 🤢

He was the hiring manager. The company is an absolute mess (large, well known organisation too). They messed me about dreadfully during the hiring process and I was about to tell them to get lost when they made me the offer. I am on a fixed term contract so not overly invested in the job, but there are some good points and most of the people are lovely. Have prepared my resignation but why should I resign when he is the one acting poorly?

I was imagining a honed muscle man showing off his abs - not a flabby stomach appearing as he stretched!

I think he may feel intimidated by me as I stepped down from more senior roles to do contract work and focus on other things.
I can't think he fancies me as I am overweight and old enough to be his mother, although look younger than I am. Unless he has a granny thing going on???
There was a team meal lately. I didn't go but one of my direct reports told me she felt quite uncomfortable as there were sexist comments being made by my boss and another male employee.
It's awkward as he is long term mates with his boss, who is female and was also at the meal. My direct report said she acted like she was their mother!
Even if I say something it feels like it will always be awkward, because of the relationship with his boss.

You don’t need to resign. Next time he touches you tell him you don’t like it. If he continues then you make a harassment complaint. At the moment he’s not really done much to you, you need to use your words to see if there is actually a problem or he’s just a bit of an idiot.

Whether it’s on purpose or not if it’s making you uncomfortable it’s inappropriate. Nice boss or not he sounds like a pig. Belching in your face YUK ! Report it to HR.