Mums who have gone back to work full time - is it copeable not seeing your DCs during the week?

[2point4kids]

Sorry this is long....

When DS1 was born I quit my job as it was long hours and there was no possibility of going part time. Stayed at home with DS1 until he was 10 months old. I then started working 2/3 days a week helping a friend set up a business.
Finished doing that at the end of last year. I was then 6 months pregnant again so didnt even think about jobs for a while.

DS2 is now 3 months old and I am ITCHING to get back to work.
Sounds terrible (and so unfair on DS2) but I feel like I have 'done' the SAHM thing and now need to go back to work to keep me sane. Its not that I dont enjoy being with the boys. We are always out and about doing lots of fab, fun things. I just need something else. Other adults to talk to. To use my brain again!
Ideally I'd work 3 or 4 days a week and still have some time with the boys at home.

The problem is that not only are there no part time jobs in my industry. There are no jobs at all in my industry that are local.
We used to live (and I worked) in London but moved after I had Ds1.
I am only qualified/have experience in one industry and that industry is almost exclusively based in London. If I get a local job then I will at best be looking to earn less than half the salary I was on before I had DS1. Its very unlikely I will find anything that will actually pay enough to even cover the cost of putting both DS's in nursery.

On the other hand, if I go for a job in the industry I have experience in, then I will have to commute to London again. A 1.5 hour each way commute.
I would have to leave the house at 7am and would not be home until 8pm. My DH does the same commute every day.
I would have to employ a Nanny for the Dcs, but I would be able to earn enough for this and the travel costs and still have a (little) bit of take home money afterwards.

I really dont think I am cut out to be a SAHM mum for a long time, but going back to work now is going to be all or nothing it seems.

Any advice from Mums that have been through a similar decision??

I am not cut out to be a SATH mum either and I refuse to beat myself up about it.
As a small family we have a far better life with my working. I do a minimum of a 4 day week but a s a Manager I tend to cover alot of hols and sickness so this can be up to 6 days a week. I returned to work when my DS was 5 months and have no regrets.
He is the ahppiest and healthiest child I know and I absolutely do not feel he misses out on anything.
He has loving parents who work hard to supoort him and his future. I do not see anything wrong with that.
DS will be 3 in Nov and we are starting to plan another and again I would return to work. My salary is equal to my husbands and to be honest we like the money and the life it gives us.
Maybe as they get a little older I will rethink the situation but we have just moved to a fantastic big house which we would never in a millionyears would have bought on one salary.
Also, children are more likely to be better educated working adults themselves if they see their mothers working. I read it the other day.
Go for it, if it doesn't work at leats you tried.

I have not been in similar situation, but I do normally work fulltime. However, I think 7 am -8 pm for both you and your DH is far far too much. I think the key is to strike a balance.

I think it's harder if both parents are doing those sorts of hours/commute. Most families I know where it works out ok, one parent works locally (often the dad btw).

I think it is just about do-able if you only work 3 days a week - apart from not seeing your dcs, you will be exhausted. If you haven't already got one, get a cleaner!

One thing I think you need to consider, though, is the logistics once your dcs start school... will you still want to pay for a nanny? Any other childcare is virtually impossible to find after 6-6.30 in the evening. And you will need one who is prepared to take them to after-school activities, etc....

Would you consider moving closer to London again?

We moved to Surrey when I was working in North London and the commute was roughly the same as you are talking about. It was sheer hell. I was constantly exhausted and stressed. Had zero quality of life.

And I didn't have children.

Sorry but I don't think it is do-able. You will be totally exhausted and I would imagine would feel torn in two.

You may not be able to get a part-time job but would there be any chance of working from home a couple of days a week? That's what I do - commute in 3 days and work from home with remote access the other two. It has kept the work-life balance balanced...

We used to commute into London. The best thing we ever did was to move back into central London. I missed it anyway and was glad to be back but we are 15 - 20 minutes (max) away from our work. It has made all the difference. On a good day we leave the house after 9 am and I can be back home by 6.30. Obviously it isn't always like this but it really does work for us.

When I worked part time I used to work much longer hours because I felt I had to prove something.

I could not have carried on with the commuting - 3 hours of my day in limbo when I'm neither working nor being with my dc. Worst of both worlds imo.

agree with Beaulocks. I only work part-time, so it's a bit different. But living in an inner London borough with just a bus to the City means I can see DD before her 7-7.30 bedtime.

And explore any sort of working from home, even if it's just the odd day each month. Or flexible hours. Varying my working hours from 9-5 to 8.30-4.30 has reduced my commute by a third, as I miss the traffic at each end of the day.

Thanks for all the comments. They have been very helpful.

Its not really possible for us to move back to London. We had a tiny place in London and here have a big house with a garden. We couldnt afford to buy anywhere bigger in London and we couldnt fit into our old place now we have DS2 as well!
The in laws also live nearby to our new place and they help out a lot with the children. When I go back to work MIL will look after the boys for 1 or 2 days a week allowing me to find a Nanny for fewer days a week and saving lots of money!

I think that I am realising (and your comments have helped me realise it!) that full time plus commuting would be too much for all of us.
I am going to get signed up with some recruitment agencies and tell them to only put me forward for jobs where I can either do 4 day weeks or 5 day week with 2 of those days at home (at least that way I can do bath and bed time with the DCs and see them when I stop for lunch etc)
Hopefully I will find something!