Think manager about to start managing me out and guilty of gross misconduct

[Birdsattthewindow]

My manager has form for sacking people. In the 5 years we have worked together they have managed 4 people out and I’m pretty sure I’m next. She is a bully and highly unprofessional and I’ve been keeping detailed notes on her from almost the start as I came into the job kind of knowing what she was like.

The project we are both working on is failing, I don’t want to out myself but I have worked really hard to make it succeed and it doesn’t look as if it’s going to. The project is my whole job and part of hers and I’ve pretty much accepted that its failure will be enough for her to be able to get rid of me following the disciplinary process

My question is more about the fact that I’ve watched her behave appallingly to people in the years I’ve worked with her. Like many bullies she has her allies and scapegoats and in the years we first worked together I was definitely an ally, though new people have joined the team since and replaced me in that role.

She is genuinely one of the most unpleasant, unkind people I have ever worked with and has made peoples lives a misery at work. It has been horrible to watch,

One of the worst aspects of this was that one of the people she managed out had health issues. She shared screenshots of the person discussing these issues with me in order to mock thrm and later made several scathing cruel comments about the persons issues. I still have the screenshots, alongside Teams screenshots of confidential emails between my manager and HR regarding this person’s disciplinary process and between my manager and the person, all shared with the intention of mocking the person.

I have similar screenshots from her on
WhatsApp and Teams about other employees discussing confidential issues that were shared purely to mock/gossip.. She has broken employee confidentiality on countless occasions.

I feel that no one in mt organisation is really aware of what she is like and that once I’m gone she will find another victim. I want HR and senior management to know about her behaviour and have years worth of notes about times she has belittled and humiliated me, treated me unfairly, blamed me for things I did not do. Plus other examples of unprofessional behaviour such as slagging off the company to an important client because she was pissed off at being left out of something.

I actually do not think she is completely sane sometimes based on her behaviour, she is very unstable and works herself up into furious rages about quite minor things, ie a small comment someone made. Her ego is enormous and fragile. I go into our weekly 121s feeling sick and for my own mental heath I know I need to leave.

i also know for a fact she has shared confidential information about me with others.

My question is, will HR just view my complaint as a disgruntled employee lashing out or are they bound to treat it seriously?

Not if you get there before she starts managing you out. If you know it’s coming do it now.

As long as the content of your complaint can be evidenced should be fine

as for managing people out with high sickness I’d keep away from bringing that up as unpopular as it is ultimately business will be impacted by high level of sickness it’s standard practice.

I feel for you, having experienced a similar scenario myself. The sort of person you describe is fundamentally power mad and the more they get away with the more they like it!
They are very unpleasant individuals and usually very clever in how they operate.
My "perpetrator" was highly unprofessional but somehow managed to blindside his superiors, based I suspect, on maintaining high value customers. He also shared personal information with me and others on numerous occasions. Some of it, highly confidential. I too, was made to feel like an alli, this is part of their process, on keeping you on side so to speak.
I was eventually made so ill, I had to be signed off with stress, having worked for the company for nearly 30 years, with an exemplary record.
You are doing all the right things with screen shots etc. I eventually involved ACAS, who were quite helpful with advice on how to proceed. Eventually, I accepted voluntary redundancy and I'm so glad I did, my mental health was far more important to me than that toxic environment.

Good luck with your plight. I fear you will need it!
Just to say, the "bastard" eventually got his comeuppance and was ceremoneously sacked! Couldn't have happened to a nicer chap! Sadly, too late for me, but at least justice was served. I often wonder, whose life he's ruining now? Incidentally, he was a very unlucky person in his private life, karma I suspect!

Thanks all and sorry that happened to you, Buddha. There are so many of these people about who get away with making people’s lives hell.

Re the sickness, it was actually thr employee mentioning that she was menopausal and saying that this has caused her to feel unwell and was also affecting her memory, both of which were quite possibly true but this was met with rolled eyes and utter derision. I’m a while away from the menopause but it made me hope to god I’m nowhere near this woman when it comes around if that’s the kind of sympathy I can expect.

She sounds horrendous and if you think she's going to try and get rid of you anyway then you have nothing to lose by actually addressing this and filing a complaint against her.

Tackle the bully, report her, I hope she gets sacked

Yes, do it now, I don't think you have anything to lose.
Are you a member if any union? If so, I would get their advice.

I’m not a member of the union but I think I will join before this starts!

Does your business have a confidential hotline for reporting concerns? You could use that rather than go to local HR. Or someone in the Legal department who is in charge of business conduct?

Local HR will likely have been involved in the managing people out. Bullies like your manager tend to do things just enough by the book to get away with it.

If I had this much evidence and this many concerns about someone, I wouldn’t wait til I was on a performance plan to raise them. Do it now, then it can’t be seen as retaliation and potentially undermine the seriousness of her behaviour.

HR often get behind this kind of manager if there is an issue in my experience, they are not interested in fair play.

@Birdsattthewindow
are you a teacher by any chance? This happens a lot in primary schools…

No - not a teacher. I think I maybe will raise my concerns now before this goes any further for me.

Hope not as she said in op that the project they have been working on is failing. I wouldn’t have guessed teacher from that

Better late than never, if you'd have reported sooner she wouldn't have had the chance to come after you- happy to watch it happen to others though.

I agree with this. Sounds as though you were content to accept and even collude with her bullying behaviour until she turned it onto you, Op.

I would look for another job
in fact I would have done that years ago

You should put in a grievance against her for bullying, you have a lot of evidence and sounds like you have nothing to lose.

Why haven't you addressed the behaviour before now? You could have raised a grievance at any time but it seems like you have amassed the evidence to have a hold over her when she eventually got round to getting rid of you.

If your performance is such that you are about to be managed out then bringing up the evidence you have saved against her won't necessarily save yourself unless you are planning to try to blackmail her into not managing you out?

Even if she has managed out other people that may well be on the instruction of people above her. Yes the breach of confidentiality in sharing with you and eye rolling is appalling and unacceptable. Did you say so at the time or laugh along?

By all means raise her behaviour with the company but don't expect it to save your job if your performance is such that there is a good reason for them to sack you (which obviously none of us can comment on but you do refer to the failure of the project being sufficient reason ).

To be honest this was my take on it. I would, in the employers shoes, look to discipline you both. You have had evidence of appalling behaviour towards your colleagues for years, evidence that shows unlawful and nasty behaviour, and you sat on it because it suited you to. I don't honestly see that you have the moral high ground here.

Report her now with all the evidence you have.

I’m between minds on this one, I still think you need a new job. A past boss of mine went on to work for an absolute narc of the highest order. The were both in senior management but the narc was a step higher. My ex boss resigned got a new job and wrote a letter detailing the narcs issues and he was unceremoniously fired shorty after. He has affected multiple, multiple of his reports and had a big unseen impact.

I agree with this. You were happy to let this slide whilst you were her “ally”. Observing her bullying but failing to take action makes you just as bad….your silence condones her actions and emboldens/strengthens the bullies position.

This looks like sour grapes - you are failing, and feel she’s turned on you (her view is that she’s managing poor performance and you aren’t responding positively/don’t like it) and so you’ve decided to take action.

If you are being harassed and bullied, record that and take the appropriate steps to deal with it.

So you were fine to watch her bully other people and you did nothing about it then?

Same. I reported bullying when I saw it. Twice the bullies got sacked.

The time they didn't get sacked, , and absolutely should have been (there were several payouts to people who had left because of their bullying) I found a new job when I realised the employer would do nothing about it. They didn't share my values.

Looking the other way when someone is bullying makes you complicit.

Maybe she has other personal stuff to deal with