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Narcissistic staff member

8 replies

Newyorklady · 07/05/2025 21:49

I previously posted on here about a member of my team who was returning from a career break and how I was dreading it.
He’s manipulative and generally quite unpleasant to deal with.
He flits between charming when trying to get his own way, to back handed compliments, to maligning me behind my back to customers, to personal attacks face to face if I give feedback.
In a return meeting he became extremely personal when I tried to outline expectations for his return and how I wanted to see things move forward.
Since his return he’s giving me the silent treatment passive aggressive responses for instance replies to emails saying Fine by me. Or not replying at all. Not communicating with team members in group chat but individually.
Its all about control.
Failed to communicate something important to me where he chose not to attend some training but did not inform me. I emailed to outline expectations about attending training, no reply or acknowledgement.
I want to meet to outline expectations however need it to be constructive and not result in personal attacks on me.
Any advice.
I am building up a chronology of events and I fully intend to start processes if I find out anymore negative behaviour.

OP posts:
BeNiceWhenItsFinished · 07/05/2025 21:55

I'm assuming you are senior to him?

You need solid evidence of his insolence and downright insubordination.

Newyorklady · 07/05/2025 21:57

BeNiceWhenItsFinished · 07/05/2025 21:55

I'm assuming you are senior to him?

You need solid evidence of his insolence and downright insubordination.

Yes I’m his Manager.

OP posts:
HelplessSoul · 08/05/2025 17:53

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/work/5319687-narcissistic-staff-member-returning

As I said to you in your last thread, you need to discipline him - and FAST.

Once you have a little bit of evidence, come down on the fucking cunt like a ton of bricks and get him fired.

What you should be doing is emailing him specific tasks to do - and when he refuses, presto - theres your evidence to bring him down and get him out.

Narcissistic staff member returning | Mumsnet

So I have a member of staff I manage returning to work within the next 2 weeks from a short career break. I am dreading it because he is a narcissist....

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/work/5319687-narcissistic-staff-member-returning

ShortyShorts · 08/05/2025 18:03

Can you speak to your line manager rather then a parenting website?

Newyorklady · 08/05/2025 19:15

ShortyShorts · 08/05/2025 18:03

Can you speak to your line manager rather then a parenting website?

Isn’t this a work forum ?
My line manager is currently on LTS and covering Manager is hopeless.
i would normally.
Useful response from yourself !

OP posts:
Avidreader12 · 08/05/2025 20:12

With respect you don’t sound very confident at managing. Your previous thread said you had issues with managing him for two years but he’s still there and you are again re-seeking advice from mumsnet. If you have gathered the evidence use it and implement your work processes and procedures.

HelplessSoul · 08/05/2025 20:28

ShortyShorts · 08/05/2025 18:03

Can you speak to your line manager rather then a parenting website?

Of all the most useless responses I have ever seen, this one is a winner.

Sure, its a parenting website, but this section covers work. The OP has every right to post here.

Unbelievable really 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

Newyorklady · 08/05/2025 20:56

Avidreader12 · 08/05/2025 20:12

With respect you don’t sound very confident at managing. Your previous thread said you had issues with managing him for two years but he’s still there and you are again re-seeking advice from mumsnet. If you have gathered the evidence use it and implement your work processes and procedures.

I am confident and manage a happy team.
Unfortunately he’s extremely sly and we have hopeless HR. We literally can’t get anyone out without it taking years.

OP posts:
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