Ideas, thoughts, experience please

[Liftmyselfupagain]

I very reluctantly want into a corporate job in my twenties, a nice prestigious one that please everyone but me.

Im 44 now, having had a few jobs since having kids (now 9 and 6) and I just cannot stomach it anymore at all. I mean at all, I don’t know why I feel it so viscerally.

I was always creative, intuitive, empathetic, smart but a generalist, could deal with problems as they came along. Have had quite a traumatic ten years married, serious family health issues which have pounded into to me that there is so much more to life and I cannot sit in an office anymore and fake it.

I would love to do fine art. But obviously like the next person I know that is not reliable. I have considered retraining in psychotherapy, writing, teaching (art), horticulture, something that involves us humans really, something more free spirited. I went so far away from what I wanted all those years ago to be sensible for my parents I can’t seem to find my way back.

I potentially have 2 or so years to retrain. And I am utterly paralysed as to what step to take to make sure I don’t waste this precious time to change careers. Everything seems out of reach and I keep going back to the safe place I have started to really hate.

I'm not sure if im confused, or scared or have imposter syndrome. I feel like I should stick at it and then when I try I just can’t.

Does anyone have an inspiration, experience or thoughts? PLEASE My lack of progress or decision is making me feel so stupid!!

TIA x

I know someone who retrained at about your age as a Garden Designer. I don't know how lucrative she found it, however.

Chat GPT is really good for helping figure stuff like this out.

Could you do a course part-time in something you are interested in and do your corporate job part-time, while you figure a way forward? I guess it depends how much money you need.

I had similar ‘wants’ about 20 years ago, though wasn’t in a career, I was a corporate PA. I did an art foundation course part-time with a view to being a graphic designer. I then changed my mind and did a Fine Art degree and became a painter, which I did part-time alongside working in small scale companies doing admin.

Being a painter was hard, moneywise and isolation. I’ve gone back into the corporate world again full time as I needed to increase my pension. But I also found a company and role that suited me. It’s a start-up, I do all kinds of ops things for them, but it’s also a sector I find interesting, though miles away from art.

I guess I’m saying it’s not all or nothing, there are ways inbetween that mean you can still earn decent money and be fulfilled. I don’t know how much horticulture pays so maybe that could be OK. Everyone seems adamant that teaching is pretty awful.