Work and burning out again... (trigger warning)

[Greenartywitch]

I am working in a senior role for a really chaotic, disorganised and inefficient charity with a lot of politics and back-stabbing.

I had a really bad episode of depression/complete mental breakdown about a year and a half ago and some of it was definitely caused by work.

I managed to get back to work after a month and half off. The charity was really unsupportive, although I had declared my long term issues with depression and my autism to HR/my manager, but I managed to carry on.

Fast forward and I can feel myself slowly heading the same way due to ever increasing workload and tricky colleagues.

I am starting to get physically and mentally exhausted again and I am worried I am heading for another burnout. The last one was so bad that I was suicidal so I never want to find myself in that place again.

I have worked to put better boundaries in place but there is little I can do to change the organisation culture and of course me being more assertive is ruffling some feathers.

I also already do everything I can to eat well and exercise to keep myself as healthy as I can and work on my mental health with things like meditation and I had trauma counselling already.

I have been job hunting for a while but as the job market isn't great and I am the only breadwinner I am still stuck in this role which I have grown to hate...

It would be really helpful to hear about others who found themselves in the same situation and suggestions on what to do.

I was in a similar situation and ended up burning out for a second time 😞 I really think changing jobs is the only solution when it's organisational culture that is the root of the problem.

I have a new job now and the culture here is so, so different to what I'd become institutionalised to. It actually took a while to get used to!

Could you expand your job search and transfer to a different industry?

I had a breakdown. You won’t change them it the culture. The only answer is to leave. You deserve better than they have to offer.

Thank you both for the feedback.

I know that a new job is what I really need but the search is proving frustrating.

''@Anatomical · Today 16:41

I was in a similar situation and ended up burning out for a second time 😞''

Sorry to hear that. That's my real worry (that I will reach that point again).

Does the charity have a policy for employees with protected characteristics? They should help you based on Equality Act 2010.

OP, use the absolute max you are allowed for paid sick leave, including solid time off. Six weeks was not nearly enough if you were burnt out to the point of suicidal. The organisation is clearly horribly run, so no reason why they shouldn’t pay the price of their horribleness with the increased inconvenience/cost of people being off sick- when they are genuinely struggling- which you are.

I had a serious burn out last year, in significant part due to the company treating its people badly. I felt hugely guilty and stressed, the idea of taking medical leave. But once I did it was a huge relief and enabled ne to rebuild. I did come back to quickly though- so now I’m on unpaid leave- not sick enough, I felt, to take medical leave again- but too burned out to do a decent job.

Please don’t hesitate to take medical leave if you are feeling unwell, due to the organisational climate/culture. You are right to think you must avoid ending up where you were before. Don’t leave it too late. Meanwhile, yes, keep looking for another job.

Good luck!

@financialcareerstuff
Thank you for your post. It is really helpful to read about your own experience and I am sorry to read that you have had to deal with similar issues.

I am feeling so tired this week, really struggling to do basic things like cook meals and do anything beyond seat down and try to rest...I can't seem to 'function' for more than a couple of hours.

If nothing improves after the bank holiday weekend I will make an appointment with my GP and consider taking more leave, preferably a holiday but if I can't do that it will have to be sick leave.

@timoteigirl · 01/05/2025 17:24

'Does the charity have a policy for employees with protected characteristics? They should help you based on Equality Act 2010.'

My manager was awful to me when I came back from sick leave after my breakdown. My GP had written a fit saying clearly that I could only come back to work with specific reasonable adjustments put in place. The first thing my manager did on my first morning back was to ask me how 'flexible' I was about these recommendations ...she only backed off once HR and occupational had to be involved.

OP, you are welcome. I am going to push you a bit more though. Why should you take holiday when you are clearly sick? If you are unable to function and afraid you will break down to the point of it endangering your life, you are sick and have every right to take paid sick leave. That is what it is for. You have earned it as a loyal employee. This would be true even if the employer was wonderful and caring and not the cause for your sickness. It is doubly true when they are so part of the cause. Do you know the maximum amount you can take off paid, for sick leave? I would start planning to take it.

I’m pushing on this, because I think women are so socialised to sacrifice their own wellbeing, and feel guilty for care they receive (because we are taught it is our job to care for others… not to be cared for).
I think we also tend to delegitimize mental unwellness over physical. Would you feel guilt if you had a germ giving you a snotty nose and horrid cough? That is far less serious, less debilitating and less long lasting. But it maybe feels ok to take sick days for that but not this deeper, more fundamental lack of wellness?

If you are reluctant to take sick leave, because you want to reserve your days allowance or something (ie your own self interest), fine, but please, please don’t do it for their sake or because you are feeling guilty when you shouldn’t be. That is one of the things that can lead to burn out- pushing yourself, without allowing yourself to receive what you can and should receive… it’s great that you have worked on your boundaries and are saying no more often. Saying yes to getting the help you need and owed is also important!

sending hugs.

I’m very lucky that I haven’t experienced burnout like you have.

But I have had the exact same experience of a toxic workplace in the charity sector. Once I started looking for new roles I realised that some of my concerns were inherent in the charity model, with lower wages attracting people who would never have remained employed in the same role elsewhere.

The incompetence in the way the organisation was run led me to decide to move away from charity. I’ve since worked for ethical companies and charities who are run as businesses and have been much much happier.

Talk to recruiters and get support with cv, applications
I am leaving the sector from a senior role and going to a civil service role, with no line management duties. I can’t wait. The charity sector is hell.

My own experience of burn out was that it only changed when I left the job; sorry I know that’s not helpful as you want to anyway but for me I knew nothing would change and it’d happen again.

I have been there. Trying to fight a culture when the management, policies, people and ethos is cruel is like fighting the sea. Do yourself a favour, look for a new job. Staying can erode your confidence which will put you at a disadvantage during interviews. Do not die on this hill as it is so not worth it.

Charities only work on the constant discretionary effort of its employees, who are usually paid low, crap pensions etc. I’ve seen people burn out over and over and it’s why turnover is so high in the sector

It worries me that I've seen more and more posts about this relating to charities.

I had a horrific experience that ended horrifically and like you was very low in a similar way.

I'm now in a different organisation. Honestly- I do think there is a degree of insanity at a lot of charities. Currently at one which I would lovingly describe as well managed shit show but the people are nice.

This has been my career for over a decade and I've now come up boundaries which am trying to enact.

Light work like looking at my upcoming calendar and to do list or reading is okay on a weekend. Actual work work is not okay...I'm not doing it. If I do end up doing a couple of hours later into an evening then that's toil and I am taking it back.

I've found a perk in my current role which is that we have good annual leave entitlement, so those days are invaluable and I will try and use them well.

I absolutely will not work in a toxic organisation. If I dislike my manager or how I am being treated then I am out of there. I clung on to one role for far too long and it broke me - fortunately I also got NHS therapy after (but that was an enormous battle to get as well). My current place is much nicer. Agree with PPs - it's never a hill worth dying on!

I no longer take responsibility for strategy (not a requirement in current role plus even in last role I didn't get much of a real say..) - I do what is set out and I do it well.

In terms of applying, find a place whose values you really like. I went through the job search from a pretty deflated place - took around 4 months. Also conveying the utmost enthusiasm for the new org in interview seemed to help - I spent more time preparing for the tell us why you want the job/to work for us than any other answer. So the main thing is keep applying.

It may also be worth applying to Access to Work for neurodiversity support.

Thank you to everyone who commented! it really helps.

It is interesting to hear about other people who work or have worked in the same sector have has similar issues.

The charity I work for has a huge staff turnover because of the toxic atmosphere. We have really useless, out of touch trustees who bully Senior directors and it all trickles down to every part of the organisation.

Question to those who have replied to the original poster, saying the only way is to leave this employer and change roles. If that's what you did, how soon did you recover?

Organisational cultures are very hard to change. I once worked for someone who was a known and very controlling bully. They eventually left and another senior member of staff took over on an agenda for change, but what was peculiar was that within a few months exactly the same behaviours were re-emerging. Not just in the new leader but in the behaviour of the staff in resuming the patterns of being controlled. Even more strangely, when the old leader began poaching staff, quite a few people (including those who had been openly critical of them) actually left to go and work for them again elsewhere!

Your comments on the nature of the charity sector are interesting @Secretsquirels. Any workplace has internal politics of course, but add in the pressure of ‘the cause’, the fact that such causes often raise strong emotions, the involvement and influence of trustees and other volunteers plus the perceived need for charities to show that they are leading the way on equalities issues and you can find yourself in a really toxic melting pot.

I am dealing with the chaos of small charity toxicity and burnout too. It's very sad as for years the charity managed to avoid this but ill informed, entitled trustees created a situation that meant I had to put myself first and be signed off.
When I'm well enough I will be looking to move to a different sector.

That's a shame. Sounds like you need a new ceo who can take a broom to sweep out the out of touch trustees and bring in some new blood.

Is there an independent body you can complain to?

Yeah you won’t change it so the k my way is out - which is unhelpful if that is not a quick possibility

i agree you shouldn’t be taking unpaid leave is read if sick leave - why? Who do you think is going to thank you for this martyrdom?

how much sick leave do you have? Do you have income protection insurance?

@BingoBling unfortunately our current CEO is not willing to stand up to the Board so decisions take forever and poor leadership continues to be an issue.

@2024onwardsandup

To answer question about leave provision, my contract states 3 months on full pay per year. I was last sick about a year and a half ago so it would be 3 months on full pay then it goes to statutory sick pay.

On a general note though, the charity sector is desperate for more trustees so it can be a case of ‘Being the change that you want to see in the world’, although obviously not for your own organisation and not suitable for someone already suffering from burnout!

I am a trustee and find it rewarding. A lot of responsibility but worthwhile all the same.

Four months including therapy.

I'd say after about six weeks I started to feel better, probably about nine weeks I was ready to move forward.

The first fortnight I genuinely was a wreck - I didn't know what to do with myself. My brain just couldn't compute. It was like walking through sludge.

Yes, I think retained stress can have a big impact on our ability to think and process information.

I left a very stressful charity leadership role and found that it took a good month just to stop feeling mentally exhausted.

I was in a similar way after burn out from work, also bereavement. TBH it’s taken me around a year to feel back to myself and fortunately (unfortunately?) had some inheritance to keep us going financially for a while. I tried to start a little business from home renovating furniture which although will never make me a fortune has been very therapeutic way for me to recover. No formal therapy, lots of yoga, walks and listening to music, podcasts and self help books to work through it all and find out who I am without my career which I have always let define me.

I started looking for new jobs at the start of this year as I started feeling stronger, missing the mental challenge of my career and working with other people. It has been really difficult- lots of competition, lots of rejections, really thought I’d have a new job by now, but am v scared of getting to that point of burn out again so not sure how to tackle that as have never been good with setting boundaries.

really interested to read that the charity sector is toxic as have mainly been looking at that as felt I wanted to do something ‘meaningful’… maybe I should rethink!!

time away from the thing that is causing the stress is def the key. I always feel we can control our destiny’s- even if you really have to think outside the box for how to make the change work it’s worth it- can you move to a cheaper area/downsize house etc, can you go part time/compressed hours so you can build up more resilience/life away from work before you go back again to shift the balance? good luck!

@homeismyhaven
Thank you for sharing your story.

Yes I also have a routine (meditation, pilates, regular walks/runs, journaling) to try to improve my mental health that I started with the help of the Crisis team when I was at my worst.

It does help but I don't think anything will be fully resolved until I find a different job.

I already relocated about three years ago to a small coastal town when I could no longer deal with living in London and was having panic attacks in public transport. I have done everything I can to reduce my outgoings but still need to work.