How can I grow a thicker skin to deal with this for a while longer

[KCN2020]

Hi,

I started a new job approximately 6 months ago and I have known since the start that it is not the place for me. But as I have lots going on currently I have been pushing it to one side

I know I need out, but I also would be massively risking our financial position because we are undergoing a house renovation, currently not living at home and we have a small child.

I have begun the job hunt already, but I have a lot going on and not being at home is proving alot more stressful than I first thought….

Whilst I am trying to suck it up, does anyone have any tips to help me cope mentally? Starting to feel my emotions getting the better of me 😓

It’s hard to give you any concrete advice as I don’t know exactly what it is you’re battling with but try to remove emotion. Don’t see it as personal. Just go in, do your job in your allocated hours and go home. Your life is more important than your work and so focus on the positives of what’s waiting for you when you get home from your shift. Good luck with the job hunt

Look on situations and people with mild curiosity as if you were writing a book. How could I use this in a story? How would I change the plot?
I found that if I did this, it eventually helped me to detach from stressful situations and people

I like thw suggestions so far. I am not at all religious but I find the serenity prayer really good to repeat when I am in difficult situations that I have to stay in. Just reminds my brain to concentrate on the things most in my control l.

Sending you strength, I am stuck in a job that is terrible for me so I understand your pain.

Thank you for your kind replies. It’s helpful to hear advice from someone other than my husband.

For some context ….

Management have absolutely no clue what people’s roles are, what it entails, how long things take and how messed up the system is with old data, duplications etc which means everything takes even longer and therefore have no concept of workload, constant pressure of where is this, where is that.

They also assured me of how flexible they are with WFH and hours etc. Turns out they are not.

Hard to say, you don’t mention what you are dealing with that needs a thicker skin.

If its an individual on the daily, slowly write “fuck off” on the roof of your mouth with your tongue when they’re around - tell nobody. Longer term, imagine a sheet of glass in front of you - start simple but it can any type of glass you want (stained glass with pictures, smokey and bullet proof, etc) then practice watching whatever is bothering you bounce off it. Those ideas any help?

Something I did when I was looking for a new job in a role I hated was say in my head "I'm leaving soon". At that point I didn't have a job offer but I had start applying. It helped me to keep all the chaos at work distant from me.
I did get a new job and you will too.

I have a copy of the Desiderata stuck in the back of my diary. I flip to that page frequently, different lines stand out on different occasions. I offer you this line for today -

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

The Desiderata is an excellent call. Also the Serenity prayer, something I recite often when dealing with an unavoidable situation.

It’s amazing how much shit washes over you when you feel the balance of power shifting eh? I have also done this. Good shout.

Just re-read your later post @KCN2020, such a common story. The things they say and the things they do are so often completely contradictory. I feel you.

I think,

Just keep to yourself.
You are paid to be there and work, so go there and work.
Their shit systems are their fault and they don't care, so fine.
Use the time they pay you to be there to navigate their shit systems while reflecting on the fact that they are WELL below your standards.
Deflect stuff if possible.
Refuse and walk away where necessary.
Don't get involved in things; learn to sit by things going on and not get involved.
And lastly, think to yourself 'I am not going to let YOUR shit standards affect MY ability to pay my bills.

But I don’t think any of this involves you needing a ‘thicker skin’. Communicate clearly with management what the issues are that are increasing your workload, and indicate what a reasonable response time might look at from your POV while you jobhunt. And yes to disengaging.

I may have been in your position in a previous life. I coped by doing one or two tasks a day - really, really well. Always appear busy and don’t look at the clock. As pp, once you accept in your head that are leaving - none of it really matters. Just smile and nod at the management, ask them to confirm every decision in a email and coast until you leave.

Thank you all for your words of wisdom, really appreciate it!

I can sympathise as I was in a similar situation 3 years ago, role was completely mis sold/distorted at interview and the sense of betrayal never left me.
I sort of quiet quit in the end and just poured all my energies into job hunting - it took me about 6 months to find something and I left a permanent job for an interim job but I was desperate and on the verge of walking out anyway. I wouldn't necessarily recommend you do that in this market. You just have to keep at it until something comes up - something will come up eventually

Have revisited this post a few times recently for your replied to remind me of The mantras and advice.
Finding it hard today and it is going to get increasingly worse I’m afraid with more staff leaving soon 🙃 meaning even more unmanageable workload and expectations.