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Original poster

What reason to give to colleagues about why I'm leaving?

30 replies

Newstart9764826 · 28/04/2025 07:06

I enjoy my job and get on with everyone there, they are all lovely, apart from my direct line manager. This person seems to take pleasure from making people's lives hell. There have been complaints before and nothing done so no point me complaining.
I could tolerate this person better if there were more of us in the office but we work closely together every day and there's only a couple of us. It has come to a head now where my mental health and even physical health is being affected and I have made to decision to leave.
People will be surprised and I expect a lot of people to come and ask me directly why I am leaving. I dont have another job yet either so can't just say that.
The singular and only reason that I am leaving is because of my manager but I can't say that to people as I need a reference from work.
I have put the reason on my resignation as personal reasons but I will probably be asked to expand on that by higher ups and may even be asked to stay but I cannot. Nothing is worth how this person makes me feel and it is a low paid job.
I dont want to leave on bad terms.

OP posts:
RichWithNoSelfControl · 28/04/2025 07:11

Just say you want to find a job with better pay or more progression opportunities.

Or be completely honest and that you're leaving because of management. That might be the kick needed to deal with that manager.

AliBaliBee1234 · 28/04/2025 07:14

If you have an exit interview, I would be honest in the hope it brings some change.

It's incredibly risky for a business to give a poor refeerence because of your reasons for leaving.

Misspotterer · 28/04/2025 07:20

Just say 'health reasons'. You don't have to expand on that.

Roselilly36 · 28/04/2025 07:24

Just say you are ready for a change OP, good luck

Original poster
Newstart9764826 · 28/04/2025 07:27

Its a small place of work where people like to gossip. They don't seem to follow steps that other places do , my friend recently left (same reason) and there was no exit interview etc. They are not going to be happy I am leaving as its going to leave them in the lurch for a while but I can't bare another day there. Having to work the 4 weeks notice is bad enough.
I think alot of people will be able to guess why I am leaving

OP posts:
Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 28/04/2025 07:31

Just go for the leaving to get a better work life balance argument and that you are fortunate to be able to leave first and concentrate on finding the right job to give you that.

HelpMeGetThrough · 28/04/2025 07:31

I’d say personal reasons, but if someone asks “is it because of xxxx?”, I wouldn’t deny it.

AliBaliBee1234 · 28/04/2025 07:33

OP let them be unhappy that you're leaving. It serves them right and is a result of poor management.

I would just say 'i need a change' and people can read in between the lines.

Mumoftwoboysaged4and5 · 28/04/2025 07:34

I could have written your post OP as I’m in the same situation. I plan to book a meeting with my manager’s manager (who is lovely) and explain exactly why I’m leaving. It might come to nothing but at least I tried.
I would also recommend leaving a review on glassdoor after you have received your reference to warm others exactly what they are in for.

Don’t be scared to tell the truth for fear of a bad reference, you don’t have to have your direct line manager provide a reference anyway, you could always ask someone higher up in management who you get on well with.

1457bloom · 28/04/2025 07:35

The main reason people leave work is because of their line manager, you are not the only one!

Haveapotato · 28/04/2025 07:37

'Just fancied a change / new challenge / new job comes with a payrise'. Keep it neutral IMO...I left my last job for similar reasons and a lot of people knew why without me saying anything, but didn't want to burn my bridges just in the remote chance I end up applying for another job there at any point in the future.

Felt vindicated when my boss didn't even sign my leaving card, she was a horrible woman.

SamDeanCas · 28/04/2025 07:37

Do you have kids, maybe say that you want to spend the summer with the dc.

Or as other have said, health reasons

Or just say you fancy a few months off during the summer and want to explore other opportunities more in line with your hobbies

MushMonster · 28/04/2025 07:44

Newstart9764826 · 28/04/2025 07:27

Its a small place of work where people like to gossip. They don't seem to follow steps that other places do , my friend recently left (same reason) and there was no exit interview etc. They are not going to be happy I am leaving as its going to leave them in the lurch for a while but I can't bare another day there. Having to work the 4 weeks notice is bad enough.
I think alot of people will be able to guess why I am leaving

So they can guess.
Well, leave it at that.
Just say you are ready for a change. You are taking a little break for your wellbeing/ health and then look for wider horizons. End.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 28/04/2025 07:46

You just say you were head hunted and the job was TOOOOO good to turn down and you are so sad to leave.

Don't bother giving any feedback in exit interviews. Never in over 20 users at any business have i ever seen it acted on.

BottleBlondeMachiavelli · 28/04/2025 07:46

“Ah you know; Time for a change”. Smile enigmatically. Switch subjects. Rinse and repeat.

PinkCatInATree · 28/04/2025 07:57

Time for a change is a good reason and if they press why you are doing this without a job to go to just tell them you won the lottery.

user1492757084 · 28/04/2025 08:09

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 28/04/2025 07:46

You just say you were head hunted and the job was TOOOOO good to turn down and you are so sad to leave.

Don't bother giving any feedback in exit interviews. Never in over 20 users at any business have i ever seen it acted on.

Edited

That you are looking for a larger workplace with more opportunity for promotion.

You are at your prime and most adaptable age. You will take some time to upgrade specific skills and you're really excited about future prospects.

HelpMeGetThrough · 28/04/2025 08:12

PinkCatInATree · 28/04/2025 07:57

Time for a change is a good reason and if they press why you are doing this without a job to go to just tell them you won the lottery.

The dad of a school friend of mine gave “I’ve won the lottery” as the reason they quit. Nobody believed him.

You should see the house they live in.

Greenartywitch · 28/04/2025 08:32

If your workplace is gossipy and people can't be trusted not to twist your words, then keep it simple.

You could use anything like: 'I am looking for a new challenge' 'I am taking some time off to do a course' or 'I am off travelling this summer/for a few months then I will go back to my career'' or if you have kids ''I am going to focus on my family for the next few months'' or ''I need to take a break to focus on resolving health issues''.

On a different note if the manager is the issue I would request an exit interview with HR and make it clear to them that you are leaving because their management style is affecting your ability to do your job and your mental health. Agree with them that when you job hunt again you will give HR as a referee rather than your Line manager, because you don't want your current manager to potentially sabotage your job search.

AmandaHoldensLips · 28/04/2025 08:35

You don't have to give a reason for leaving. Tell them, "I'd rather not say".

That will speak very loudly indeed....

BigDahliaFan · 28/04/2025 08:38

I know someone in your position, he told managers manager, who had a word and it got better. He figured it was worth a try as he was going to leave anyway.

MargaretThursday · 28/04/2025 17:52

Please be honest in your exit interview. You don't have to say anything to anyone else.

But I was the person who tried to stand up knowing that 2 people had left paid employment and at least half a dozen volunteers had stood down because of those two people. I did it knowing that they would continue with their bullying if it wasn't brought out publically.

And I got that it must be a me problem because no one else had said anything (although they also weren't prepared to go and ask them, even though they said they would be happy to talk, I'll note). And they're continuing their bullying - I get a message/tearful phone call from different people about every 3-4 weeks over their behaviour.
The powers that be knew exactly what was happening, but because nothing had been said formally, they could hide behind "can't possibly be true as no one else said anything".

If one of the people leaving had had the courage to say it was because of them then I think things would have been different. Instead, they felt emboldened because the powers stood up for them. The powers now do everything possible to hide the situation because if it comes out they tried to sweep it under the carpet with me, then they're implicated too. So they're stuck.

Wishywashylaundry · 28/04/2025 17:54

What you say shouldn't affect a reference. By law references can at worst state only that you worked there from X date to y date.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 28/04/2025 17:55

I would tell them. Say that you would love to stay but x has made your life hell. Also definitely say why in the exit interview. What do you have to loose?

mugglewump · 28/04/2025 17:59

I would just say 'a variety of reasons', then talk about thinking about exploring new opportunities/different career path, wanting a break while researching new ideas etc.

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