Struggling with work

[BigBubblesXX]

So, I went on maternity leave in 2022 to have our rainbow baby (4 losses and fertility issues), then I got pregnant again on maternity leave so essentially had back to back maternity leave. I came back last August and it's been quite hard adjusting. My children haven't settled in to nursery either so picking then up early and working with them around (1 and 2 year old), so it's been difficult to get much done. I've requested a different role, admin based, as I can get work done but can't call customers. This used to be a thing before I went on Mat leave and I didn't know it had changed.
I have struggled massively with depression and anxiety for years, and once my youngest was born I suffered quite badly with post natal depression. It was also just difficult to get access to systems or just log in to my laptop for about a month. I ended up going on sick leave for 4 months and came back this February. I've not been feeling the best mentally, and I've been slipping quite a but. I've not wanted to talk to anyone, especially in work as I don't feel like I fit in (I was put on a new team while on maternity leave and don't know anyone). Managers are supposed to be trained in mental health first aid and spot the signs an agent is struggling, which looking back I can see I showed clear signs of mental ill health. Instead I felt bullied and harassed, as if I was being spoken about behind my back and pushed out of the business. I spoke with my manager about my struggles and that I wanted to move to am admin based role, but was met with the response 'if you don't like it, you should get a new job'. This didn't help my mental state. I was then suspended for 'gross misconduct' due to not hitting target and not replying to Microsoft Teams chats within a few minutes etc. I was given a first written warning as a result. I did a data request for certain individuals, mostly management, for anything mentioning me, including teams chats between each other. That came back today where you can see that they are slagging me off and talking about the fact they want me gone.
This has really affected my mental health, it's taken such a dip because I knew I was right, but when I raised that I thought I was being talked about and pushed out, I was told they do no such thing. I feel like they've all been gaslighting me and laughing about it.
I don't know what to do, I can't trust anyone there anymore and I had just started to try and build a relationship with my manger after the suspension but now I just can't face it.
I no longer want to be there, but I don't know if I'm able to claim benefits while I'm like this. I'm struggling day to day with mental and physical ill health, and a lot of it is due to all this stuff going on in work.

Has anyone had anything similar or just have some advice on where to turn?

Thanks for reading. I'm sorry if it's all a bit jumbled up, I'm in a state.

Go back to basics. You want to work, but at a lower stress role. You don't trust your current management and you don't want to be there so have you applied for any new roles? That would be my first move.

Have you talked to your current manager and agreed a return to work plan? That might be an idea.

You need to leave your dcs to settle at nursery, which they will do if you give them a chance. You cannot work and care for two little ones at the same time. Or if they are still unsettled after a few weeks, have you considered moving them to a child minder with more personal care.

If you’ve got screenshots of those chats I’d chat to ACAS.

What is your current status - have you actually been dismissed for gross misconduct?

Related to the above - If you've had a written warning, they should have put you in a Performance Improvement Plan with clear objectives to meet. Has this happened?

Are you in a Union, if so can you give them the complete description of this situation which seems to have going on for the past 3 years or so, which isquite an extended time (albeit recognising some of that was mat leave of course). and see what they make of it, and what they think your next steps are.

Whilst you may be some protection in employment law, you also need to be aware that you have spent significant time away from the workplace, including your sick leave, they do have a right to dismiss you on the basis of capability, based on the job role you have been employed to do, which seems to be customer service rather than admin (they may not have any admin vacancies which is another concern).

I know this may not be what you want to hear, but it's better to face that potential and decide whether you would be better off looking for a job outside the company that can support your needs to do admin work rather than customer service work,

We have an action plan in place, which is going over the same training. I know how to do my job and it's just about getting back into it, I've known people who have done far less than I do now but as a normal role (without excessive leave).
I know I've been off a while, and that I'm not currently hitting target, but again there are people who are not hitting target without having leave and they're made to feel supported.

I have the chat images available and was considering ACAS, is this something they could help with? Or citizens advice?

I am looking for alternative work, but this has really knocked me down and I'm having serious trust issues. I guess that, coupled with past trauma aren't helpful right now.

I have tried childminders but they weren't settling either, and I've seem how childminders are with children at playgroups so I'd rather a nursery setting for their safety.

I know I might be asking too much, but I'd love to just have my children home with me while I'm working, so I know they're safe at home but I'm also still earning.

It is unrealistic for you to expect to be able to wfh with 2 very young Dc