Bereavement absence at work

[Usersdfghjkll]

There are sadly a number of staff who have lost immediate family members, let’s say all parents. However, the way managers and the company deal with these staff varies greatly and it seems unfair. One person is in the 7th week of being off, one had had three months of reduced hours, another a phased return (2 hours a day), and another has the basic 3 days off as per policy. This is in a single, but big team! know situations are different and everyone handles grief differently but it just seems unfair to others going through grief as well as affecting colleagues. My job share is at the end of a very long phased return so I get more work because of that. I know you can’t dispute a sick note from the doctor but really? How does your company handle this. Am I being moany/uncaring? My very very close stepdad who I’ve known since I was a toddler is seriously ill, hence being more aware of this also.

People need what they need, everyone is different!

I've lost my son, dad and mum within the last 4 and half years.

When my son died I was off for a year

Dad, I was off 12 weeks

Mum, I'm not back yet but it will be 9 weeks when I do go back

So yes, your being very uncaring! I really don't give a shit what my colleagues have to do. I'm just glad they're not in my position, especially when my son died. We all expect our parents to die one day, we never plan to bury our children.

It sounds as though it isn’t bereavement absence really, it’s sick leave.

Those who feel they aren’t ready to return after the 3 days your company provides are going to the GP and getting signed off, at which point your employer’s hands are tied. GP says not able to work then not able to work.

I had 2 weeks compassionate leave when my dbro died suddenly, I tried to return to work but couldn’t cope so got signed off for another 4 weeks until after his funeral.

I think grief is very personal and people coming back too soon are unlikely to be productive anyway!

I do understand it’s challenging but it doesn’t sound like there is anything you can do.

People are not robots. So we all respond differently to grief. What would be inherently unfair is treating everyone exactly the same. And anyhow as PPs have pointed out, people aren’t being given different bereavement leave. They’ve all had the same bereavement leave but then some people have then had to be signed off sick and have been moved to sick leave/sick policy. Which is exactly what you are describing with time off, reduced hours, phased returns etc.

Sounds like sick leave. All.companies have a standard bereavement leave.

When my daughter died I got the 5 days and used the rest of my AL up for a bit longer. so had 4 weeks off. I couldn't live with not a lot of money coming in if I went off sick.

Surely it isn't difficult to understand that bereavements will affect everyone differently. There are so many variables that affect this.

As long as policies are being applied fairly and consistently to everyone, then it's really none of your business if some colleagues need more time off than others. They will typically get signed off sick in these situations, and decent colleagues will support them to take the time that they need.

It is nothing to do with the manager. Some of these staff have got themselves signed off sick, some of them haven’t. Bereavement leave is only for a few days after this it’s necessary to get a sick note from the doctor. Different people need different amounts of time to deal with their grief.

Unless you know how HR are handling each situation in the background, it is difficult to say. Where I work, you only get 1 week of paid compassionate leave but some people get a sick note from their GP for weeks or even months afterwards. Unfortunately each person has to advocate for themselves and every situation is different.

Surely past the usual few days it’s people being signed off by their GP , if it isn’t it should be .

It's sick leave, as others have said. But your actual only relevant point is:
My job share is at the end of a very long phased return so I get more work because of that.
Bereavement has nothing to do with it. If you cannot cope with the amount of work, raise it with your manager. People are entitled to sick leave, annual leave or whatever other kind of leave. It is not a "them" problem, it is a "you problem" - tell your manager what is achievable and ask them to decide what doesn't get done.

How dare you!
wise up!
Very close step father is not a biological parent, maybe I should put a time frame on your leave!
Unless you know someone is taking the piss, stay in your lane!

No they are not biological but that doesn't mean they cannot be your actual parent. Please do not be that rude to someone who has had a parental figure in their life from toddler age. This is someone they love and see as their parent for all we know they could have been more of a parent than their biological parent was. So don't do the how dare you. You are not walking in their shoes..

@Usersdfghjkll I'm sorry about your stepdad and that work is difficult at the moment. Speak with your company about your work load and see if they can support you better.

When my mum died I had 10 days off as compassionate leave then went back. I needed normal to cope. When mil died dh had 3 weeks off as he needed he time. We are all different.

@Enko
it’s not the same!! no matter what way you look at it.

I lost my mum very suddenly in March. I was in work for a couple of weeks after because I was on some high pressure projects. I then fell apart, and had a week’s bereavement leave. My director started making noises so I went to the GP to be signed off. I expect I will have had 6-8 weeks off work by the time I return and I think that’s been totally needed. I’ve needed time to just be, and the difference being able to switch off completely has made is incredible. In many ways I feel worse now than I did immediately after she died, even though I’m not randomly sobbing, the gravity of her not being here is immense. You are being incredibly unreasonable to say your company is being inconsistent if your colleague is signed off by her GP. You are also being a horribly unempathetic as a colleague and I would hate to job share with someone unable to recognise the trauma of this life event.

No its not sometimes it's better. As I said don't speak until you have walked in their shoes.

I was called at work by the hospital to tell me my mother was dying so I left work and drove to the hospital and she died at midday on a Monday. I text my manager to tell them she has died and then took Tuesday off. I received a message later on Tuesday asking if I would be in on Wednesday. So that’s when I returned to work. I’m always interested to know what type of employment those who take months off are in. Public sector maybe?

That's appalling that you had to use annual leave in those circumstances and couldn't take longer off. I'm so sorry for your loss

Mind your own business and hope that you're one of those people who don't have to take months to process their grief. After all, you wouldn't want to create more work for your colleagues.

Yep - normally public sector. There doesn’t seem to be much control over sick leave and this sort of leave. A friend works in the NHS and she has someone in the team who for the last 2 years seems to lurch from sick leave to feeling stressed but comes back when they know the pay will reduce.

Having worked alongside public sector for many many years but actually being employed by private sector that my company wouldn’t have stood for it.

You are getting a lot more work because of their absences.
Your manager needs to manage this or accept sooner or later you too will be on the sick.

Having worked in the public sector for many years, it always interests me when I hear these stories. Yes, our sick leave was more generous than most of the private sector (our pay wasn't though) but (a) there are no prizes awarded for having crappy sick leave that doesn't cater for employees needs and (b) anywhere I have worked in the public sector, someone doing this would have been sacked! More generous has never meant the same thing as "stupid", and full pay / half pay is generally strictly limited to set amounts of time in any period. And repeated sickness would have ended in a capcity hearing. I am disabled, and my "target" (slightly more generous than other people's) before which I ended in in managing absence (leading to potential dismissal) was 11.5 days or 3 occasions in any rolling year. Long term sickness was 5 months, and accumulated potential dismissal if repetitive. Theoretically, for long service, we had six months full and six months half pay - it was exceptional circumstances if someone didn't then get sacked. Maybe the NHS is easier, but I keep hearing how tough the Bradford scale they use is?

Every case needs to be assessed individually by Managers.
its usually 5 days maximum bereavement leave then if people need longer (which this depends on the relationship). It’s then sick leave.
There can’t be a one size fits all for this surely you get that ??

I think a mature approach is to allow people the time they need within reason.

A parental loss is not the same for everyone. My father died on a weekend and I went to work on the Monday. That’s because we were never really close once I became an adult so life didn’t really change for me. Others I know who are much closer to their parents had very different reactions and that’s fine.

Different things are important to different people. There are other non family members whose deaths would impact me far more than a parental death.

Know your employees and give them the time they need and don’t get too hung up on specific policy details.

Thing is every scenario is different. Losing a parent in their 80s who had been unwell for a long time is a different scenario to losing a parent of 46 who drops down dead or has an accident.

There’s short term compassionate leave and then longer term sick leave

don’t confuse them