Colleague gave me a diet book

[mummytoonetryingfortwo]

I’m looking for some advice here as I don’t know if I’m just overreacting slightly.

I’m 26, I’ve always been small but over the last six months or so I’ve gained a stone or two, I’ve gone from a size 6 to a size 10. It’s definitely noticeable, but I’ve been trying to conceive for years now and I just got a bit depressed.

One of my colleagues, she just be about mid-50s and brags loudly about going from a size 20 to a size 18, gave me a book on Thursday afternoon and said loudly in front of the office “maybe this will help you resist those Easter eggs!”, and handed me a fast800 book. I don’t know if I’m being sensitive because of the fact I’ve been struggling to get pregnant, or if this is just plain rude? What do I do?

Perhaps she’s eggcited about losing weight and wants to spread the word at Easter.

It’s nothing to do with you trying to get pregnant. She is rude.

i’d leave the book on her desk and find a way of telling her that I didn’t appreciate comments on my weight.

I’d say ‘Thanks Brenda, but come back to me when your a size 10 hun’.

I’d speak to HR

That was a nasty thing to do.

I think I’d leave it on her desk with a post it note saying “I’ve no need of this book but thanks anyway - regards x”

She’s a CF and you just need to grey rock. This gesture is everything to do with her weight-obsessed worldview and nothing at all to do with size 10 you.

Ha, I did feel like saying this but I couldn’t tell if I was just being sensitive because I’m being negative about my body at the moment anyway. It just feels very cheeky for someone who is double my size, if not triple, to try and humiliate me

Get her a book on ‘make-up tips for the over 50’s’ ?

That is rude!

Don’t stoop to her level though, no need for insults regarding weight or age!

No, you are not being over sensitive at all. It’s such an inappropriate and deliberately unkind thing to do. It’s bullying.

I'd say this too and I'm 63. That's incredibly rude. A simple, you look great today is a far better motivation than a diet book.

I would just hand it back and say 'it wasn't for me, but thank you'

or just leave it on her desk - she'll get the silent message.

She's probably just offloading books and hopefully it wasn't meant unkindly, but was just a bit thoughtless.

When you're back in the office hand her the book and say 'Gosh CF look who it really was couldn't resist those Easter eggs'. J/K of course. She was rude and she was looking for attention as interest in her size drop has probably waned now. She needed eyes on her. I wouldn't bother giving her back the book, don't interact with her at all. If she makes another comment ignore her completely, don't respond to her, don't accept anything from her. This is about her trying to use you to get herself some attention. Answering her back, making a comment to her, interacting with her will give her that attention. If she continues, have a word with your manager about her making inappropriate comments.

Just return the book, as you have no need for it. There is no need to do anything else.

If you're still well within a normal healthy weight range, I'd be tempted to say, "thanks but I've put on a little due to doctors advice as I was a little too small before" (even if that's not the case).

I can't imagine you're overweight now at size 10.

Should suitably embarrass her!

I’m all of nine stone, I did actually put on a little (half a stone) to see if it would help with TTC, and it spiralled. But I’m working to get back to my healthiest point, it’s just thrown me off!

Exactly.

My first instinct would have been to say “oh but isn’t this that book that hasn’t really worked much for you?”

But don’t. The incident has passed now. If she brings it up again perhaps tell her quietly there are issues impacting your weight that you don’t wish to share and ask that she doesn’t mention it again.

She's a cow. A nasty bullying, bitchy, cow. Ignore.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing op, but as she did this on Maundy Thursday, the most appropriate come back would have been. See You Next Tuesday - tinkly laugh.

I'd be tempted to stir a spoonful of Epsom Salts into her tea or coffee.

Does she have form for being rude or is it possible she's got a little over excited over her own weight loss and genuinely thought she was trying to help? Either way I think I'd just quietly leave it back on her desk and if she asks about it just say 'Thanks but I really don't need it - not for me'

Every Monday she declares “the diet starts today” and by Friday she’s “off for the weekend”, and I don’t think she’s exactly lost enough to be excited about it to be honest

I’m afraid I actually feel a bit sorry for her. She sounds trapped in an obsessive weight bubble.

What she said to you was rude but if it’s any comfort I suspect she is suffering more herself.

Have you mentioned or complained about your new size or weight gain in work?
Is it possible she was actually trying to be helpful?
If she is infact double or triple your size I don't see how anyone could ever think she was shaming your size.
In my experience people hiw wear size 20 think size 6 to 10 wearing people are very small and slim even when they themselves can only see a flabby belly or new love handle.

I have friends I talk to about weight and diet, but this, from a random colleague, that’s really rude.

I’ve not mentioned anything, nobody knows about my struggles with my body (in any sense) because I don’t think it’s appropriate to share at work

You said that you haven’t discussed your weight with said colleague so it is obvious that she was deliberately being rude