Am I being discriminated against/workplace bullying

[crazycats1000]

Hi.

I’ve been looking forward to returning to work. I’ve always loved where I work and what I do. I’ve had good feedback and I am confident in my knowledge and abilities. Of course there are always things to improve on for everyone and I am always willing/actively seeking to do so.

All was fine handing over to my cover, but I had a gut feeling she was going to try and make sure she was sticking around after. She hated her other role in the company (it’s not a great department) and so was determined to prove herself.

Credit to her, she’s done a good job.

My line manager has been supportive around me coming back. She has clearly stated that relationships in departments I work closely with have become detrimental in how I am now expected to work. I am absolutely on board with this and only been back a week.

Suddenly managers from the department I work closely with are hinting that they’re worried about me coming back and not being willing/able to form close relationships and that they’re worried don’t trust me to do this as effectively as my cover.

They keep saying how her relationship with them and their team is so amazing etc etc.

They’ve been putting on Team chats (with me included in them) how worried they are that what they have built with her is going to disappear and I have no idea how important this has become.

It was day 2 of being at work, but first day back in the office and lots of meetings and training sent my way. So I cracked on with what tasks my handover had asked me to look at. The next day in the office neither of those managers were in (nor was my line manager or cover), so I spent the morning chatting to the team I needed to build a relationship with (before they even made me aware they had concerns I wouldn’t do this…don’t know where this has come from).

First day in the office the second week they’re claiming all of these concerns to my face and how nervous they are.

i am not a difficult person to get on with. I’m not confrontational. I’m friendly and get on with lots of people perfectly well.

i honestly don’t know where this has come from. I feel like they just prefer my cover to me and are clearly just trying to make me want to leave. As if it’s not hard enough to come back and worrying about your young family, new dynamics and catching up/proving yourself. To have people actually affirm to you that you’re not going to be able to do it, I find that discriminatory and bullying a little bit? Am I being unfair?

It sounds like my cover will stay on along side me and my concern is I will slowly be made redundant or some form of constructive dismissal will happen.

Thoughts? Sorry for the long post.

it might be. or you might just be having a wobble. it's hard to tell from what you have written. it sounds pretty unprofessional on the face of it

have you been on maternity leave?

what do you mean, by....'She has clearly stated that relationships in departments I work closely with have become detrimental in how I am now expected to work. I am absolutely on board with this'?

Does it mean ‘instrumental’ rather that ‘detrimental’?

This is extremely unprofessional of them. Of course it's a bit of a change for these departments and your cover did a good job so they are in their rights to wonder how it will continue.
Explicitly saying they are worried you can't do this without any evidence is absolutely not on.
I'd raise to your line manager and explain that these concerns are being expressed in an unprofessional manner, that you understand the importance of these relationships and will work on building these but you need to have a chance to do so effectively and you need to have support. Follow up in writing. They are on very dangerous ground here as you have a lot of protection coming back from mat leave

Sorry, yes I have been on maternity leave for a year.

I did mean instrumental, I must have missed-typed it (very tired) and phone has autocorrected.

So basically I give feedback to the team (I work in compliance). So although I’m not in that department, they’re basically the reason my job exists. So very close working with them. Half of the team were just starting, as I left. Just a few days before and I didn’t really get a chance to know them, as I was so busy handing over to my cover. We had a very short turn around to do this.

I knew the rest of the team fairly well and had a good working relationship with them. Never receive complaints and they have always given me good feedback.

I do feel like both managers are personally not keen on me (for whatever reason). I don’t feel like we’d ever hang out outside of work, but we got on okay in the office prior. One of them (who again started not long before I went on ML) would never attend meetings I arranged and never came to feedback sessions I held for her team. Even though she would request to, I’d organise it around her schedule…then just wouldn’t turn up.

so there is a little history of awkwardness. Now they’re both banging on about how great my cover is and then saying in catch up meetings I’ve requested that they don’t trust me to catch up to where I need to be and form a close working relationship as quickly as I should.

Also said based on me trying to put their mind at ease, that I am going to be doing this as best I can and in the time I have (I have a lot of work to do to in order to meet a deadline too), that they don’t believe I want to do it. I think this is completely unfounded and unfair.

I honestly don’t know if I’m being over sensitive and having a wobble, as someone suggested. Maybe I am and I just need to crack on prove them wrong. This whole experience currently is really effecting me mentally though.

my initial gut thought is that they like your cover, because she was newer to the company than they were. they didn't feel confident because they were new and potentially felt intimidated by you as you were established

there is no basis for them to worry that you can't have a good relationship with them. they are effectively saying THEY can't build a good relationship with you?!

whatever. they have expressed their concerns. but tough tits basically. it's your role and they will need to get on with their job. they are equally responsible for the relationship between them and yourself.

hopefully they will get to know you and quit making a problem, where there isn't one. very unprofessional

keep a diary of everything and keep emails, just incase they cause a problem. register your concern with your line manager

Also said based on me trying to put their mind at ease, that I am going to be doing this as best I can and in the time I have (I have a lot of work to do to in order to meet a deadline too), that they don’t believe I want to do it. I think this is completely unfounded and unfair.

oh, I missed this bit, when I responded! this isn't acceptable. who did they say this to? you are in a really difficult position because they are making it really hard for you to build the relationship that they claim is so important. so it's a self fulfilling prophecy for them

urgh...is it possible to work on a different project/team??

They’ve been putting on Team chats (with me included in them) how worried they are that what they have built with her is going to disappear and I have no idea how important this has become.

I would reply with something placatory-'let's keep in regular communication so you can let me know specifically what you've felt has worked really well so we can continue this good working relationship :)'

Where is your maternity leave working now you've returned-is she still in your department?

I can see they might be a bit sad if they got on well with your maternity cover and she is now going to leave, but this sounds more like bitchy that they prefer her to you.

is the situation, that you are checking their compliance with 'something'

because I agree that the best and easiest way for this to happen is with the regulator as a 'helpful friend's. but they best be aware that you can also check their compliance if they insist on a hostile relationship. their choice

maybe take control and make it clear that you will be doing this job, no matter how much they complain that they prefer the other woman. but run it past your manager first. cheeky fuckers

actually I want to amend this. don't 'run it past your line manager'. this is a job for your LM, she needs to demonstrate to them that she has your back. also if she talks to them it leaves you free to build good relationship. is your LM aware of what they are saying? I would intervene sharpish if I were them and make it clear to them that they are equally responsible for good working relationships, their comments are damaging and inappropriate and you will be doing their compliance regardless

My manager is somewhat aware of it but has since gone on annual leave. I’m going to bring some of the recent remarks up, so she is aware.

I also believe what they’re saying/doing is counterintuitive…already making it difficult by putting these barriers in. It doesn’t make me feel welcomed back or wanted…so how is that helping their cause?

Ultimately it’s my role, but I’m concerned they’re going to try and slowly push me out of it.

My cover doesn’t want to go back to their department within the business. It’s possible they will be kept on in the role to work along side me. It’s going through the process. If she doesn’t she’ll be leaving the company, if she does…there is going to be work for me to make sure everyone is on board for us working together and a preference for one over the other is not going to be an ongoing issue.

@crazycats1000 is it possible that they know your matty cover outside of work and that she has asked or coerced them into this action?? has your cover returned to her previous role??

I think she’s networked well and possibly has gotten quite close to them and maybe some things have been said etc. No proof though. No, has not returned to other role. She has until the end of the month and then finds out if the CEO agrees to keep her on to work along side me.

i’m just concerned they will try to force me out eventually. Not a great situation to return to.

This could end up being maternity discrimination so if I were you, I'd contact Pregnant Then Screwed and ACAS to find out what your rights are.

Their behaviour sounds unprofessional. They have not given you a chance to settle back in and get to grips with changes to your role. It is their job to train and support you, not to immediately undermine you.