Starting a new business - biggest mistake of my life

[Bluebells81]

I started a new business 9 months ago, which started trading 3 months ago. It is something I've always dreamed of doing. Everything was discussed extensively with DH who really encouraged me.

But the reality is so different from the planning. I think this is possibly the worst mistake I've ever made. Crisis just follows crisis. I just feel like I am messing up every single day. I am mentally and physically falling apart.

Another issue is that my contribution to our family finances is 20% of what it used to be. I plan to increase this as the business builds, but I have many bills to cover first. Juggling the business and childcare is a nightmare. My DH now swings between being supportive and being resentful.

I have supported us both in the past (e.g when DH was unemployed for a few months) and I also took on the majority of responsibility for childcare when DCs were babies, while working in a job I hated, because this was better for everyone else. DH is in a higher earning industry and I also supported him when he took a big pay-cut to train in a new area. I feel like it is 'my turn' to do this for my career.

But I totally understand that the ongoing uncertainty is massively stressful for him too. I couldn't help feeling resentful tonight though when he said I wasn't "thanking him enough" - this followed me asking him to be more specific about which days he needs to work over Easter so that I can organise my work/ our childcare.

I know that starting a business is always hard. Someone who advised me said that the first two years of his business were a nightmare nut things did improve.

I have a mentor who is supportive. I am trying to bring in extra help but it is hard to find the time to train people and then they are also often unreliable which often makes things worse e.g they drop out of shifts at the last minute.

Any words of wisdom from people who have started businesses and come through rough patches to thrive would really keep me going right now.

Is it a café / food outlet? That’s absolutely gruelling until you find your reliable ‘key person(s)’.

I know you’re talking about your relationship, family, and sense of wellbeing, but if you can give a few more details of your business it will enable other posters to give advice.

No cafe or food involved. The business involves support for other businesses.

Have you reminded Dh about the times you supported him and that you did more than your fair share of domestic work and child care to support him and it's swings and rou d a outs. It's your turn to have support.
I've always been emoyed but Dh has his own buisness and at times it has been gruelling. Hopefully better times will come as you get established.

Good luck

I’m 25 years into running a business, everything you’ve described is 100% what it’s like but it doesn’t get easier, you are adjusting to the rollercoaster ride.

I set it up then had to babies, so managed through pregnancy and raising two kids. The rewards if you get it right will come into their own and aren’t even financial.

my advice would be get great accountants, stay close to the money and put what you can in a pension.

i also employed and that’s the hardest part, the staff drive me bonkers as much as being amazing they can be equally frustrating.

and hold on!

Thanks for the advice! Rollercoaster sounds about right. On good days it is amazing. Then there are bad days I really struggle. I feel like I need to find a way of getting the ups and downs in perspective and enjoying the journey. It's just when I am not supported by DH I wish that I'd taken an easier route to earning a living.

What is your household financial situation, ie can you afford to be earning at your current level for another year?

do you think, based on the best evidence you have, the business has reasonable odds of being more profitable within a year or two?

Do you have proper childcare in place or are you trying to both do the business and parent in business hours?

Your H is U to want to be ‘thanked more’ for doing his fair share of parenting, after you did more to facilitate his career.

I couldn’t have run my business without my DH being supportive, he worked away for 3 years of me running the business so I was doing everything for a long time, but right now this exact moment he’s in the house hoovering, sorting tea and arguing with a grumpy teenager.

He will feed and walk the dogs etc as I have some deadlines to meet and I’ve told him I’ll be working till 8pm tonight - so I find separation is the key, to be in a room or building away from the house and to be really clean with your times and

For most of my career I’ve had offices, but have given them up last year as costs kept rising.

Without support no way would I be able to run a business no man would be expected to run a business a house and a children, you will totally burn out so need to have some tough shit boundries and lay down the rules now.

Ive paid a cleaner for most of the time I’ve been running the business as even thought my DH is around he’s still working a job himself so we both need some extra help, he’s also not great at the deeper cleaning, so we can just relax about that once a week.

@Loopytiles If my husband keeps earning at his current level and we cut back some expenditure then we can afford to keep going at this level for a year or two.
My research on similar businesses suggests that it will take c.12 months to be able to start paying myself a better wage. We've only been trading 3 months, but so far the numbers are going in the right direction.

@almostbloody50 I am trying to do too much. But finding the balance between the requirement to increase my earnings fast and not burning out is what I am finding hard.

DH is so b**y resistant to me trying to cut expenditure on fun stuff and setting schedules for the family or get him to commit to what time he needs to work in advance. This is what got us in a mess this week. He didn't want me to book holiday club because he wanted to spend more time with the DCs. Then decided on Sunday that he actually needed to work all week. So guess who has to take the children to work!

He has got his career into a nice place where he earns comfortably in a satisfying role and can take time off during the week. It was partly me working part time and doing lots of childcare during the tedious toddler years that enabled him to get to this place. A story as old as mumsnet I guess.

When I explain that I need to schedule shifts in advance and I can't cancel work at the last moment because he has a deadline, he gets huffy because "he is earning all the money at the moment and I need to be thankful for that", which is true. Basically I need him to work harder, be more organised and take on more domestic stuff in order to help me do my thing - quite a hard sell!

Oh blimey, well good look you don’t have a business problem you have a DH problem.. also as old as mumsnet.

I can guarantee if he decided to set up some random tech investor style business he’d expect you to run around swooning over how clever he was being, while he spent 3 years earning jack shit.

Honestly if my DH had pulled that childcare stunt I would have told him to leave and packed his bags.

You really do need to get tough if you want the business to survive, he’s basically trying to make you fail which is foul, essentially he’s scared you may out earn him!

Jeopardising your wives business is not what partners do.