Managers always the targets

[Newyorklady]

I manage a large team.
One or 2 challenging team members but in the whole a nice team.
Trouble is the one or 2 drag the team down.
Tried to speak to one today about how he needs to change his negative attitude, generally moans about everything, sense of entitlement, displays manipulative behaviour. Constant demands.
Is charming when he gets his own way, I’m the best Manager ever.
When he doesn’t always turns this into a personal attack on myself. I’m this or that.
Became extremely defensive and confrontational today.
As a line manager I find staff seem to be able to say what they like to us but we can’t say anything back. We are easy targets fur abuse. Very little support from HR. They are afraid of any union challenges.
How do you as managers deal with this.
Its always done in a narcissistic way.
I hate dealing with this person but am stuck with them.

Being a manager can be really challenging. Been there, done that and could quite happily never manage a team for the rest of my working life.

What support are you wanting from HR? They can’t advise you to not follow process and procedure, or do your job for you. The support they can offer often involves processes that feel long and drawn out, but they are to protect the manager as much as they are the employee. A watertight, well documented PIP is far safer than winging it, and leaving yourself with a lack of evidence to back up any disciplinary action taken, for example.

They can source training, if there are certain aspects you feel have skills gaps in eg difficult conversations.

As soon as he becomes abusive stand up and end the meeting. By being abusive, he's sort of proving the point you are trying to make - tell him this. It's not really a negotiation, as long as you have examples.

I manage a team some are more competent than others and some need more support than others. None speak badly to my face though, because I’m their manager!

always always say thank you twice and raise issues in a timely and private manner with a clear focus/desired outcome.

if it’s a one off mistake that someone has made and you know they won’t make it again and it’s not serious enough to warrant disiplinary action- don’t mention it. There’s no point and potential for damage to good relations is too high.

With your team member I think I would call a meeting with another manager or HR to go through his issues. And if/when he says he doesn’t have an issue explain in front of a witness that he must never speak so rudely to you again.