Page 2 | Colleague is suddenly blanking me and nobody else has noticed, it is affecting me quite alot

Motheroffive999 · 2025-04-07T23:09:30+00:00

A colleague and good friend has stopped talking to me and won't even say hello In the mornings. I have asked her if I have done something to upset her, she says not.She is now over friendly with the rest of the team and is whispering to other staff if I approach. It is a very uncomfortable situation and have to go in to work later than I would like. Nobody has noticed , my boss saw that I was upset and I mentioned the situation, boss said he wants to ask her again but she avoids leaving at the same time now or is always on her phone, she is now over the top friendly with my other colleagues. I have looked after her 3 sons and her dog when she has struggled . Please advise me , many thanks

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 11/04/2025 12:34

Also I asked her what I had done and she said nothing but then in front of others accused me of all sorts. Write everything down.

treesandsun · 11/04/2025 13:08

This is the sort of thing that used to happen with girls at school - you would think they have grown out of it by now. I take it you cannot think of anything that happened 3 months ago, no matter how trivial it seems to you that might have triggered this pathetic behaviour? Has she ever mentioned falling out with other people - is this the type of thing she has done before?
If she is answering you about work - I doubt there is anything you can do really.
Regards the whispering, I would mention it - oh what you whispering about, I hope it isn't me? Other than that I would stop trying to build bridges with someone too immature to talk to you about whatever her issue is and concentrate on the others

Original poster

Motheroffive999 · 12/04/2025 10:15

thepariscrimefiles · 11/04/2025 12:16

If you say good morning to her, does she say it back? Is it affecting your work, i.e. if you need to speak to her directly about something work related, will she respond politely?

She doesn't need to be your friend, but she does need to behave in a professional manner. She is obviously talking loudly to other people to make some sort of point. She doesn't sound very nice.

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I say Good morning and she doesn't reply , she is being more friendly than normal to the other colleagues in the office.

OP posts:

Original poster

Motheroffive999 · 12/04/2025 10:19

treesandsun · 11/04/2025 13:08

This is the sort of thing that used to happen with girls at school - you would think they have grown out of it by now. I take it you cannot think of anything that happened 3 months ago, no matter how trivial it seems to you that might have triggered this pathetic behaviour? Has she ever mentioned falling out with other people - is this the type of thing she has done before?
If she is answering you about work - I doubt there is anything you can do really.
Regards the whispering, I would mention it - oh what you whispering about, I hope it isn't me? Other than that I would stop trying to build bridges with someone too immature to talk to you about whatever her issue is and concentrate on the others

Thank you , yes it is like being back at school.
It brings tears to my eyes as I have absolutely no idea what has happened and when I asked her if I had done something to upset her she replied ," of course not !"
I have spoken to my manager about it and they have said that I must have a chat with her again to try and clear things up , or he said he can step in and arrange a meeting with her , but I have said no to that for now as everyone in the office/ shop floor will find out about it.

OP posts:

Gonk123 · 12/04/2025 10:35

I had this years ago. Everyone in the team had been invited to my so called friends one weekend - including a lady who she didn’t even like. There was a build up of mean girl behaviour before this. But the following Monday after their get together they were all laughing and joking and I was completely ignored and had been for some weeks. Again it was over nothing. My manager picked up on it and he was fuming. He was absolutely brilliant with me. He asked me how I wanted to deal with it. We had a meeting with me him and the lady that had gone mean girl. She had nothing to say other than oh is this all about you! Me and my manager were dumbstruck but it was her only way out as she knew it was just nasty behaviour. Years later we caught up and she did actually apologise. But at the time it was horrific and I just wanted to cry most days. The meeting did resolve things as the nasty behaviour stopped but I am sure you’ll know the saying once bitten twice shy! Things never go back to how they were after something like this. I hope you get some support and I hope things work out but don’t be forced out. People get bored and move onto someone else then, hang on in there.

Crazyladee · 12/04/2025 13:36

Gonk123 · 12/04/2025 10:35

I had this years ago. Everyone in the team had been invited to my so called friends one weekend - including a lady who she didn’t even like. There was a build up of mean girl behaviour before this. But the following Monday after their get together they were all laughing and joking and I was completely ignored and had been for some weeks. Again it was over nothing. My manager picked up on it and he was fuming. He was absolutely brilliant with me. He asked me how I wanted to deal with it. We had a meeting with me him and the lady that had gone mean girl. She had nothing to say other than oh is this all about you! Me and my manager were dumbstruck but it was her only way out as she knew it was just nasty behaviour. Years later we caught up and she did actually apologise. But at the time it was horrific and I just wanted to cry most days. The meeting did resolve things as the nasty behaviour stopped but I am sure you’ll know the saying once bitten twice shy! Things never go back to how they were after something like this. I hope you get some support and I hope things work out but don’t be forced out. People get bored and move onto someone else then, hang on in there.

Edited

Sounds very similar to what happened to me but for me, the bully was my manager. It's good you had the support of your manager, but what an awful situation. I am self employed now but after my experience, I've always said that if things change and I end up getting a normal job, I will never work with a big group of women again.

thepariscrimefiles · 12/04/2025 13:46

Motheroffive999 · 12/04/2025 10:15

I say Good morning and she doesn't reply , she is being more friendly than normal to the other colleagues in the office.

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Being ignored and ostracised is bullying. Check on the ACAS website about how you could tackle this. You may need to get your manager involved. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Your colleague is horrible.

happinessischocolate · 12/04/2025 14:20

Motheroffive999 · 12/04/2025 10:15

I say Good morning and she doesn't reply , she is being more friendly than normal to the other colleagues in the office.

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I have this on and off from a colleague and whenever she starts ignoring me I just ignore her back. I absolutely just pretend she’s not there and carry on talking to other people. She always starts talking to me again first and I will initially just be polite and reply but still not start conversations and then she’ll start ignoring one of the others instead who does the same and just ignores her too until she sorts her stupid head out.

I’ve even made sure I wasn’t in the office when she was leaving before going on her much talked about expensive holiday so I didnt have to say have a good time.

I say accept the friendship is over and ignore. Others will have noticed, but don’t assume that because they’re talking to her they’re on her “side” they just dont want to get involved.

Gonk123 · 12/04/2025 21:35

Crazyladee · 12/04/2025 13:36

Sounds very similar to what happened to me but for me, the bully was my manager. It's good you had the support of your manager, but what an awful situation. I am self employed now but after my experience, I've always said that if things change and I end up getting a normal job, I will never work with a big group of women again.

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Sorry you’ve had the same experience. It’s emotionally draining and you feel so lost as you have no control to make things better really. I am the same, I am not sure I could work in a big office environment again. The politics and general nasty behaviour that comes with it is just too much for me to cope with sadly.