How do I tell a coworker I don't want to socialise with them after work?

[user1471867483]

I treat myself now and again to fringe theatre about once a month and I go along with my out of work friend or my mum! A coworker also goes to the theatre, but she sees more 'glamorous' shows than me and is willing to travel into town (London) to see them in the west end. I've given up travelling into London for shows and am quite content to see performances nearer my home; my local small theatre. We swap stories and share what we've been to see lately in emails. She has now started to ask me to accompany her to the theatre. Simply, put - I don't want to! She invited me to a tribute act, but at the time I couldn't make it anyway. Now I received an email asking me if I'd go with her to see a show where you get to me the actor afterwards and she said, 'I don't want to go alone'. I'm not interested in this actor nor the show, nor do I want to spend as much money as she pays by going more frequently than me. About 5 weeks ago she asked me to see a band popular in the 80's and I told her I'm not interested in going back over in my life and wouldn't spend money on something I no longer have interest in.
How can I get out of this situation? I don't want to be associated with her especially out of work. TIA. Also, I can't make the 'I'm saving money excuse', as she's previously offered to pay for me! ☹

Just tell her you do local theatre only.

But as an aside, of course you can use money as an excuse, because surely you wouldn't accept her paying for you anyway?

Just say no, it's not my cup of tea, if it isn't. Or it's not worth that much to me. And I prefer not to travel into London for shows. Tell the truth (kindly).

"I've never really liked socialising with work colleagues, I prefer to keep home and work separate. Good luck with finding someone to go with."

'It's just not my thing, I hope you find somebody else to go with'. Don't make excuses or give reasons, she'll find a way round them.

And definitely don't make something up, she'll keep asking and you'll have to think of more lies (plus it's just plain daft).

This is tricky because in other circumstances, what she's doing is a nice thing and exactly the right way to build a good friendship with someone who you've got something in common with. The only problem is you don't want her to be a friend beyond work, which is totally fine and just a mis-match of wants. I think I'd give it a couple more goes of just saying 'It's not my thing' or 'I don't want to go London' and see if she takes the hint, but if she doesn't and keeps on asking, then say something more general like: "I like our chats about what we've seen, but I only go to see shows with a particular friend so there's no point asking me.' Something along those lines so it knocks it on the head. I know what it's like for her, there's not always a lot of people who are up for seeing shows, so she thinks she's found a kindred spirit but you aren't so don't give her any hope.

Just say no. Or that you prefer to go with your mum because of what it means for you both.

"I don't want to be associated with her especially out of work."

You sound a real peach.

Just keep saying "no, sorry. Not my thing" each time.

Thank you people for your replies so far. It's really helped me xxx 😘😘😘

It sounds like she likes you and wants to be friends. If you're not interested just keep saying you're busy and don't make contact with her out of work. She'll get the picture.

Or "fuck off, I aint interested" is another good option! LOL

I can understand why she's asked you - she knows you're happy to chat with her about shows so of course she's going to invite you to one. It's just what people do. Just be honest with her about not wanting to see her outside of work. She'll probably stop the chatter with you at work but it sounds like you'd be fine with that.

Just keep saying no, thank you.
She'll get the message eventually.

Maybe stop chatting with her. She has mistakenly assumed that you like her and might want to socialise with her. You clearly don't like her.

This isn’t necessary

Just say you have your theatre buddies and routine and you aren’t up for extending it - but hope she finds someone

Is it just that those things aren't for you or do you want to avoid her completely outside work? There's nothing wrong with saying, "Oh that's not my sort of thing" if it's the former.

'No thanks'
No need for an excuse or reason. Just 'No thanks' every time.

Say you don’t fancy it. Do you want to do anything with her? If not you need to be quite direct