New job, but very anxious!

[Tigerbabby]

Hello everyone

I posted a while ago about some work trouble I had and everyone that posted was great and helpful.

I got a new job and the first date I was meant to start my stepdad went into hospital after collapsing at home so my start date was delayed.

We agreed to start on Monday. The induction is about four hours travel away and I will need to be away for the week. However today I have started having awful anxiety about leaving home and leaving my children and I'm not even sure this is the right job for me now ! Unfortunately my parents are both very unwell and I am terrified something is going to happen again whilst I am away. My mum has stage 4 cancer and my stepdad has heart failure.

I am thinking of telling them I can't start but I feel terrible about letting them down !

Can I withdraw from starting this job now ? I know this feels very unfair to the company but I don't know what else to do.

I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time,personal anxiety & unwell parents/SD
it is a big step to withdraw from a role at last minute and will have repercussions eg loss income,need to job hunt again
Can anyone else watch the children whilst you do the induction at the other location
Your parents are unwell, yes . Not being blunt but they could deteriorate anytime, not necessarily whilst you’re on induction. Cancelling the induction will have no impact upon their health condition
on a practical level if you do not have a job how are you going to maintain lifestyle? How are you going pay your rent/mortgage? Pay the utilities and all the usual outgoings.
I would think really carefully before giving up on a job because your parents are not going to become less unwell or less dependent because you didn’t take a job
You need to think through the ramifications about professional reputation and getting another job sure you could decline this one at the last minute it will certainly not be favorably looked upon but of course you can do it
I would also consider seeing your GP to discuss your anxiety maybe consider medications and ask for a referral to talk therapy improving psychological therapies where you can participate in therapy that will help you manage your anxiety
avoidance as a technique seems appealing in the short term and that you don’t have to do the thing that you think you don’t want to do however it makes it more difficult as you go to have resilience so undertake activities that you feel or too stressful and you can get locked in a cycle of avoidance and not putting yourself in any anxiety provoking situation. This end up that the anxiety cycle spirals and everything becomes anxiety producing because you’re not engaging in any activities that are potentially stressful.
purposefully making yourself jobless is a really big deal. I would really carefully think about that.

What are your options about childcare when you’re away for the induction at the other location?

Don’t know your job but Can you work locum or agency? At least that way you work as and when and hours that suit?

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.

I think my concern was being 4-5 hours away. My stepdad went back into hospital and was only discharged yesterday and he helps with my mum but I have been doing it in his absence . I have contacted macmillan for some support and my mums breast cancer nurse but not heard back yet. The difficulty is the job is full time after my induction and I can't meet the needs of my children and now my parents working full time. Now my stepdad is poorly they are relying on me more heavily which is fine. I am married and we have some savings which we could use for a month or two until perhaps I found a zero hours contract job. To be honest that didn't even cross my mind so thank you for suggesting it. My head is a bit all over the place at the moment. My husband was going to look after the children whilst I was away but on top of this he has been referred by his GP as urgent with a suspected cancer. So to be honest it's just not good all round at the moment!

I’m so sorry you’re experiencing all this
When you decline the job, do it by telephone and succinctly explain and let them know circumstances have changed. Don’t just email and leave it, I know it’s a tricky conversation but it offers context

Yes do Join an agency or a zero hour contract get a flexible role

Take care and do apply for carer benefits
Also local authority care act assessment as a carer

Best wishes at a really challenging time