Work issue male/female

[mulberrybag5]

Hi all

I’m after some advice on what to do/not do.

I line manager a female under age of 30. She’s had some difficulties in the last few years for which she’s been supported.

i have suspected she’s started to fancy another colleague - who is much more senior and is a position of significant authority. He is at least 15 years older.

We left a work event recently and I believe she went back to meet him. Alone. I don’t know for sure but there are a couple of things I saw that suggested that was happening.

I also know his wife. As do my other colleagues and a close friend of mine.

Do I confront him and risk my own job? Speak to someone more senior than him and risk my job? Or just stay quiet and pretend I didn’t see anything and just tell myself I can’t be sure?

so many of my friends know someone that knows someone that I can’t share this in real life and hope I’ll receive some sound advice here.

thank you.

Unless you have actual proof - not a hunch, don’t do a thing. And if you do have proof, go to HR.

do I do anything different in terms of how we arrange things at work when he will be there? I’m conscious she might be vulnerable given things that she’s been experiencing in her personal life in the last few years. I suppose I can’t really do anything to protect someone when I don’t have direct proof

I think that if these two colleagues want to have a relationship, they will have a relationship regardless of how you arrange things at work

i agree with that. It’s highly inappropriate and if it is happening then probably career jeopardising for him

I would just enquire if she's ok, so she knows you're available if she needs support. Other than that stay out of it.

It's not really right for you to leap to conclusions that there's something going on.

Even if she does fancy him, which you can't prove either, and they were somewhere outside of work together briefly. It was a works do. So it wasn't like they necessarily have any communication at all outside of work.

It would be bizarre for you to start telling his wife. I mean, what could you say?

People may or may not fancy their colleagues. Unless it's directly affecting your work or there's a blatant affair then I'd just ignore this aspect of this woman and just manage her business performance unbiasedly.

Even if it is what you think, have they done anything wrong, as far as work is concerned?

Why are you thinking it's your business? Are you thinking disciplinary or support for the young woman?

I might be inclined to let the woman know that her secret isn't quite a secret as she thinks and have a chat about senior men and abuse of power, give her details of where she should go to report any concerning behaviour, but beyond that I don't really see what it has to do with work.

I think you need to approach HR for a confidential chat without naming either party at this stage, if you can keep them anonymous. You need to know your work policies and ensure you're not inadvertently putting her in any awkward situations. If as you state she may be vulnerable and you think there's an abuse of power element or grooming, then you need to be clear in what your role is, because if shit hits the fan and it turns into a sexual harassment case you'll want to make sure you've dotted all your is and crossed your ts.

And yes adult women (and men for that matter) can be groomed.

I'd check the Code of Conduct - there might be something specific in there, but it depends on the details. A previous roles have forbidden certain roles (e.g. auditors) from any in-company relationships. Another banned relationships between people of different rank in the same reporting line. Not sure what my new job says, but I would assume something similar. (Might look it up - I should at least know where the CoC/staff handbook is, and I'm sure I was told in the billion hours of compulsory on-boarding training.) Usually such policies are about an imbalance of power.

I would also chat to HR, as suggested by a PP, but it's good to check the official line first.

There's not much you can do without proof, but code of conduct training or sexual harassment training for all to help focus minds could be an option, if available.

that is a good point about sexual harrassment training and grooming. There’s a very significant imbalance of power so I’ll check our policies. We are also a highly regulated service with farer reaching consequences for this sort of thing.