If you never had a ‘career’ before children…

[Stillhaventfoundwhatimlooking4]

I am approaching my 40s and find myself career-less and not quite how to get started. I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions on how I should try and proceed. I’ll do my best to keep this brief, but outline how I got to this point.

The TL/DR is basically: if you didn’t have a career (as opposed to ‘just a job’) before kids, how did you manage to carve it out afterwards, especially if you upped your education but don’t fit into the grad scheme parameters, and don’t have the same flexibility as a 21yr old without dependents.

I was bright at school but to be honest I was there for the social elements and didn’t put the effort in that I should have. I had an accidental pregnancy in my final year and left school with results that were ‘fine’ but not special (BBBC).

I moved to the university that my BF(now DH) was going to and took a year out but started a BA when DC was 1. It was really tough having no support other than BF, and really struggling financially. BF finished a year before me, and was offered an amazing opportunity with a city law firm and fully paid for conversion course/training contract. We therefore moved again to accomodate this. I went p/t and commuted 2 days per week. But it was 2 hours each way and became unpractical when DC started school. I deferred with a view to restart but never went back.

As most people are aware, the TC/early years in city law are very full on, often being out of the house for 14hrs+. We made the decision that I would be a SAHM. It was the financially sensible decision for the family at the time.

For the next 15 years my DH worked FT in the city in v demanding roles and I took on all household responsibilities/kids etc. He barely saw them in the week. In between multiple children I did some volunteering with a family based charity and some minor p/t retail jobs, because they fitted in with the kids.

The pressure of DHs job was becoming too much and he decided to change career path to something that used his experience but much less stress/better hours over the week as a whole. It’s still full on (eg he’s still not home this evening, having left at 7am), but nowhere in the same league. Unfortunately this came with a huge pay cut…. But overall I think we are all much happier. This meant being a SAHM full time was no longer really viable.

When covid hit I’d been doing a p/t admin role locally for a few months but that all fell apart when the business closed due to rules and financially struggled after.

I decided to finish the degree as this would give me more opportunities. I completed it with the OU and gained a first (non vocational, traditional humanities subject). I loved it so much I did a masters. I got a distinction.

I secured a job teaching adult ‘learning for pleasure’ courses, based on my master’s subject. They were happy to pay for a L3 teaching qualification for me. I was over the moon. However, due to poor student numbers the start date of my courses kept getting pushed back. I therefore started p/t retail job v local to home. The course ended up being cancelled due to lack of student numbers. I am still working in the retail role locally.

I am wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation, where they never really got started on a career before kids, and then lacked the flexibility to be able to attempt the usual grad scheme type programs that one might normally aim for post uni.

I’ve been looking to try and move out of retail and towards something more mentally challenging or interesting. My youngest DC is still in primary school. I felt that a lot of the traditional grad schemes would be a struggle due to often placing you anywhere within the UK/moving you around/lack of flexibility generally.

I thought that even if I aim for something like admin/office job I could then move up/onto something else after 12m. But I’m finding that even for a lot of entry level jobs (min wage), they are asking for a lot of experience in similar roles (I even came across an entry level internship in HR the other day saying they would prefer someone with previous HR experience!).

In an ideal (and probably unrealistic) world I would like something part time, or if full time flexible with core hours/hybrid as (like most people), juggling childcare is a struggle. We live in a rural-ish village in the SE with limited after school/holiday clubs and no family support to help.

If I were writing out a cheesy skills section I’d say I was/had: adaptable, good customer service skills, capable of teamwork and independent working, competent at IT/Microsoft office, good research and writing skills, good organisational/time management skills, approachable, quick learner.

I appreciate this is probably a massive stab in the dark with no easy answer but I just wondered if anyone else had been in a similar situation and could explain what they did/what path they went down.

Thank you

Not me but following with interest!

Might it be worth investing in a few sessions with a really good careers advisor/ coach?
A good person should be able to look at your academics, employment/ volunteering history, the constraints of family life within which you have to work, your interests and passions and would likely do some psychometric testing to gain insight into your personality traits, strengths and weaknesses.

They should then be able to come up with ideas and suggestions to consider. Once you’ve narrowed it down you could then make a plan of action with tasks and a timescale.

There are so many interesting things you could do...
Is your primary motivation earning money or personal development/ satisfaction, really? Or a bit of both?

I fell into my role.

no degree, only a levels, never a job beyond hosputality/retail.

I started working as a PA for a family with various needs.

Left the job. Happened to see that our local authority was looking for workers on the mental health I reach team. I had an interest in mental health and the job was also an apprenticeship.

I got the job, I’m now on a career path in social care.

Best thing I ever did.

I think you sound very capable and competent but need to rethink your skills- good and competent as key words won't make you stand out, and the skills you've listed are really minimum expectations. So if you are only good at Microsoft for example up skill, and rather than saying customer service and adaptable for example think about your life experience - I bet you're excellent at conflict management with multiple children, decision making etc? Key skills and capabilities organisations want.

I'd look at local authorities and arm's length bodies. If any are recruiting, they are more likely to be open to non-traditional career paths than the private sector IME. If your CV crossed my desk I'd be intrigued to interview you.

Hi I am 41 and in a very similar boat!
Following for any ideas.
Have you been in contact with any temp agencies?

If you’ve done some admin before, you might be able to get a temp contract. It’s great as you can experience different roles/companies and find out what you like.
It is competitive at the moment though for entry level /anything but still worth registering
with an agency.

I’ve looked into bootcamps, but they tend to be tech focused (eg data analyst) and I don’t think I have the skills to go into that area.

Some offer job interviews after the course though if there are areas you’re interested in.

I also look into remote volunteering for charities - but even these require experience! Not all though and could be a way to gain experience.

I’m currently temping in a procurement team and really enjoy it. I’d done some finance admin for my husband’s business whilst the kids were young and used that as my experience /took courses online.

Have you thought any more about the teaching qualification?

Thank you to all for your thoughts.

@LSGXX A bit of both really. We need a second small income (so I couldn’t go down the volunteer route again, even if it were something super interesting unfortunately).

I’m at the point where I’m done with the current retail job. It’s been convenient as a stop gap- it’s 2 min from the primary school and walking distance from home. I was offered the role of Sunday supervisor but unfortunately that doesn’t work with family commitments, so there’s not really an opportunity to progress any further. Most customers are nice enough (some are lovely!), but at least once per week there’s someone who’s either downright horrible or really condescending. But it’s physically quite hard. I’m on my feet for the entire 9 hour shift, with one 20 min break. I really like the majority of the team, but my wonderful manager has just left. She was a genuinely nice person, cared about her staff and balanced the needs of the business and the needs of the team as people. She was brilliant and I don’t know if we’ll be so lucky with the next one.

@IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads Thank you for the ideas re local gov. I’ll have another look, and keep a closer eye on any openings.

@sweetpeaorchestra I’ll look into temping agencies. Tbh I hadn’t gone down that route yet, as I assumed that they’d want an immediate start and only full time 9-6 type roles. But nothing ventured, nothing gained, it’s worth investigating perhaps!

I got a rejection today… an entry level role with a charity I have a genuine interest in, and part of an apprenticeship with a heavy emphasis in the ad about supporting development/ further training up to level 7. The agency that advertised it said unfortunately such roles were attracting over 1000 applicants.

Thanks for your advice @B0bbingalong. To be honest those were off the top of my head as I was writing. When I’ve done applications I’ve gone through the job description/required skills and tried to demonstrate how I have each, with an example. But I will absolutely take your advice on board.

Thank you all for your help.

In reality I think it's very hard to start building a 'career' mid 40s regardless of qualifications. If you don't have relevant experience you need to be prepared to start at the bottom, which is a bitter pill to swallow. My SIL is the same, she has a disabled dc and as a result hasn't worked for years. She has kept up relevant qualifications and is always doing courses, but says that now she's trying to get back in even voluntary roles are very competitive and there are interviews to do for some places.
OP try your local FE colleges. Ours are always looking for short term essential skills/ESL teachers, and this could be a foot in the door.

very similar to you. I have a degree but had dc, dh worked away and I did not work until youngest ds was 9. I did do volunteering before that though. I then started part time at a national charity which was great. In the 10 years since I have slowly built up my hours and experience and at nearly 50 now work for a different charity in a mid senior role. It is a job I love and definitely is now a career I can build on over the next few years. Now dc are older i am able to put myself and my aspirations first and am really enjoying having a job I can do well in and progress. It is possible!

I went to uni at 38 and then became a teacher

Would this programme be of any interest (nothing to do with me but looks like it might be): Visible Start

You did really, really, well in a humanities degree and Masters. What about policy officer/researcher roles? I think you're right that charity sector could be a good idea, they are often family friendly employers.

Temping if possible is a great idea.

If you like teaching, have you thought about doing PGCE? Some subjects are funded.

Another tack is to look at the largest nearest employer and see what kind of work they have. Also have a generic humanities degree and only had work experience like hospitality/admin in my CV.

There are several large banks near me and I took up a temping contract in a department that took people in entry level role not requiring much experience (essentially complaints administration). It didn’t set my world on fire but paid well for an entry level role and had good benefits like private healthcare which helped me support my disability and flex working policies. It got my foot in the door and some experience. I spent the year networking and learning about other roles in the firm and then got a second temp contract in a more complex and less entry level department (payrise). I converted to a permanent role from there and just started building my skills. Eventually the firm trained me as a project manager which got me into middle management and I’ve now had a variety of interest roles in change/transformation/strategy and earn a really decent wage. For me it was about a firm with scope to learn/progress/change roles, rather than knowing exactly what role I wanted to do. Once you have your foot in the door of a large corporate, it’s much easier to move around to gain experience/skills and they often pay to train specific skill sets.

This is excellent advice and financial services and tech in my experience are great for this

Maybe not what you're looking for but watch out for parish clerk jobs. I took one in retirement after being asked three times, as no-one had applied and they were desperate. It was very, very part-time but I insisted that if I was going to do it, I was going to do it right. The council paid for me to undertake a qualification - it would be a walkover for you - and now (well and truly completely retired) in theory I could work in any town hall in the country. It's perhaps not what you're looking for but who knows where it could lead, and you would not have to travel.

Brave Starts could help you.