Imposter syndrome and severe work anxiety

[exhaustedandwholly]

As the title states. I'm sat here crying feeling sorry for myself. I travel a lot for work and I'm currently away - I miss home dreadfully. I absolutely hate it this side of my job and I very nearly debated turning around and going back home at the import. I keep jumbling my words up when spoken to and can't seem to think straight or do anything right. I know I'm the problem, not the job. My anxiety is through the roof at the moment and I can't eat, sleep or function. It's come out of nowhere. Someone help me please! I feel like a failure at life, work and home. I've always had low confidence, it was mentioned in school reports when I was young so I know I have an internal problem. I've also lost a lot of weight, so feel like I should be more confident but nothing has ever helped me. I know it's all confidence related. What do I do

Bump

Jumbling your words is a sign of quite severe exhaustion and stress IME

I think you need to get signed off for a couple of weeks or even a week if you can (just to get some sleep), see your GP urgently, in your current state you need to go onto an anti anxiety med like sertraline so you can start getting your head above water, and in combination with that start seeing a therapist for CBT - CBT is not the be all and end all - you may need or want deeper therapy, but it can give you basic tools to start getting some perspective and realise that you are as able as anyone else. Most therapists will work partly online if you want, so you don’t have to break when travelling.

There are probably many deeper things you need to do to figure out what’s not working for you, but start with this so you can get back on your feet.

You will need to pay for the therapist - go onto UKCP to find someone. Do look for someone who incorporates CBT as you need some speedy help as well as deeper work. Talk 3 or 4 and pick someone from there.

Take a breathe

I know you've said you've had low confidence since you were young but this particular anxiety -

is it all the time?

Particular times of the month?

Has there been a particular trigger?

Do you hate your job?

OP, clearly your company have faith in you. You would not have been hired if they didn't think you were capable of doing the job. Can you do something to distract yourself, nice long shower, bit of self care, have some chocolate? I would gind a comedian om YouTube to watch. I would not contact home all the time as this will mske you miss people more. Long term, why not consider some counselling? Take care

Ok. Take a few deep breaths and distract yourself.
Everyone is faking it until they make it or acting their way through. Try and remember that.
Also, you've been given the job and therefore earned it. Can you try some Kalms/ rescue remedy to take the edge off. Then have a bath and put a film on? Or are you better thinking through work plan? Rehearsing them in your head?

Thank you to all the replies. I've gone through stages in my life feeling like this, this is the first time I've felt this way about this job (been here two years). I've felt it gradually creeping up the past couple of weeks and now I'm away with work, it's in full force. My confidence has all of a sudden plummeted the last couple of weeks and I kept telling myself it's a phase, I'll get through it. I'm shaken, can't eat, I know I won't sleep and I've got 3 more days until I'm home. I was in sertraline a couple of years ago but I came off them because I didn't want to depend on medication. I had counselling when I was around 18 (10 years ago) but didn't take it seriously. I can't believe this has happened again and I'm feeling this way. I just want to sit in my room and not speak or see anyone. My colleague also knows something's up as I'm usually chirpy and cheerful. I know counselling will help but haven't got a clue where to start, I've ordered more sertraline tablets for when I'm home to help me get on the mends. I think majority of this has come from feeling shit at my job and my confidence has taken a battering. I feel rubbish at my job and the cracks are starting to show. I don't know if other people are noticing how badly I'm doing at my job. God I feel like a pathetic human being. I have a lot of self hate and I need to understand where it's come from. I've had it my entire life.
I can't get any kalms as I'm not in the UK and we're working 14 hour days. I have to face over 100 people tomorrow I'm dreading it.

Sending u a virtual hug OP. Give urself time to thik tomorrow if u are presenting something/answering questions. Pauses can be beneficial. Have u got a favourite item you can take with u? When u get home make an appointment with your GP. They might be able to recommend something gor u. Counselling hopefully will help u. Distract yourself when uou are not working. Tell your colleague you aee feeling under tge weather.

Could this be linked to perimenopause?

Giving you a big hug for tomorrow.

I wish it was but I hope it's not - I'm only 28! Thank you all

why are you seeing 100 colleagues? Sometimes the thought of something is much worse than it will be. Can you get any support from your colleague. Sorry you are feeling like this and i hope you can each out for support.