Work stress

[chickensandbees]

So I've worked for the same company for 15 years, moved roles and got promotions within the same department and all has gone well. Had some difficult bosses but nothing out of the ordinary. Then last year got asked to take on a new role. I shouldn't have said yes, but it felt like a good opportunity and was hard to say no.

My new boss is a nightmare, she has completely destroyed my confidence. She disagrees with everything I suggest, without even thinking about it. She constantly gives me tasks that feel impossible and then criticises me when they don't get done. If I ask for help she gets really annoyed and says it isn't her place to help me. She asks me if I have done things I have never been asked to do and is annoyed at me for not having done them.

Another factor is that she is based in another country, which may seem like a good thing, but then she wants me to travel over once a month even if I have no meetings there and she hasn't got time to see me and there isn't a desk I can use. I also don't feel part of a team as the rest are in her country so I feel very isolated.

I have raised this with others and asked for help and they are aware of the issues and I get the feeling others are complaining as well but nothing changes.

I feel constantly sick, worried, cry a lot and can't see a way out. I think this makes me sound like a wimp but I feel actually scared of her, which then makes me feel unable to do even the most basic tasks in case I get it wrong or she criticises me.

I've started looking for a new role but my confidence is now so low that feels like a huge mountain to climb. I also really enjoyed the previous 15 years and don't see why I should leave because of her. I can afford to retire in a couple of years so don't really want to go somewhere new.

Someone told me that they know she is bad but I just need to give it a few more months and there will be a restructure, but I can't face the idea of months, days seem impossible. Someone else senior was really kind and suggested I take some time off, would I get signed off sick for this and how would I do that, what if a doctor refused.

Thanks for reading.

Hi OP,

Sorry to hear this.

My advise is to write everything down and document it as much as possible. When she asks you to do things follow up on the conversation by email to confirm. Set out priorities etc, basically just covering yourself so everything is evidenced.

In the meantime you need to ask for some time with someone else senior (in your country) & tell them how bad things are. It sounds like there are already a couple of people in mind. You could ask to switch back to old role or think of other solutions to solve it (which don’t involve firing her as much as you might want to!)

With abroad working, set out by email again- Hi X, happy to come abroad if there is a business need & specific meetings set up for my visit. As it’s a long way and a cost for the company I will need these to be arranged first before I book my travel. I will need to have a desk cleared for me as previously I haven’t had anywhere to work. Let me know if this works for you and I can arrange.

In terms of going off sick - it’s sounds like it’s all been really overwhelming and completely understandable you need a break. Mental health is as important as physical health. I can only speak for the UK but it is really easy here in my experience. Book a doctors appointment and say what you have here, mention the stress, anxiety, tearyness etc. The doctor will sign you off for two weeks most likely (if they don’t book again with a different doctor). You can extend after the two weeks with a request and probably don’t even need to see the doctor again to do so. It’s really not as daunting as you think here. I also thought it would be hard!

Hope this helps in a small way and things get better. Lots of bank holidays coming up ❤️

Who asked you to take the new role, and can you chat with them about going back to your old role?

Thanks @Squiggles23 that is really helpful. There was a clause put in the contract for this role that if things don't work out they will use reasonable endeavours to find me something else.

I think I need to take a few weeks out, in part so that they take me seriously. It might give them the push to do something.

I'm going to try and get through this week and then maybe take some time off sick.

Also good point in documenting things.