I feel sick with guilt re. handing my notice in

[bookworm8500]

I work in the NHS in the communith. My work base is 60 miles away from my house. I'm band 6 and don't earn enough to justify spending £120 on fuel a week, adding 45,000 miles to my car each year and having to sit in traffic for hours. The drive to work in rush hour takes me nearly 2 hours. I have stayed in this post for 3 years because I love the team and love my manager and really care for our patients. My manager is wonderful and a friend out of work.

On Friday I was interviewed for a similar post but in social care, 22 miles from my house and 35 mins drive in rush hour. The team seemed lovely and I was offered the post the same day.
There is also more wfh, not to mention a £10k payrise.

I want the new job, it'll make life so so much better. But I feel SO guilty for my current job and manager. Our team has lost so many people Iver the last year and they won't be expecting me to leave at all.

I feel.absolutely sick at the thought. Should I do it in person or over email or what? To make it worse, they have advertised a sort of promotion post internally at my current work and they announced last week that it'll be me that takes it. I feel so awkward...and bad...arghhhh

Don't give it a second thought. Make the choice that works best for you.

You have to put yourself first in these situations.

Yes, it’ll feel awkward but that 30seconds of uncomfortableness vs the 90 mins of extra commute each way… you’ll be so much happier in the long run.

Congratulations on your new job . You really should hand in your notice . Yes it sounds like a nice team , and yes you will undoubtedly miss them , but this new position sounds like it suits your needs 100% more than what you have now .
Once the surprise / shock that your leaving is out in the open , I'm sure they will be happy for you , just as you would for them .

I felt the same OP - riddled with guilt, my manager kept dropping hints about a new post coming up that would be interesting to me - but ultimately it was fine. I just told her face to face I’d been offered a new job, and I announced it in a team meeting a few days later. She was ok about it, and I felt a lot better for having ripped the plaster off rather than dragging it out. I think doing it in person was better than email - email just breeds more anxiety about how it will then be when you see each other next.

tell your manager in person and explain what you’ve said here - that you absolutely love your job but the journey and the cost of the journey is becoming unbearable. You won’t burn any bridges, and you’ll keep some lovely friends and memories. I hope the new job is okay!

We are all replaceable so they will replace you and not give you a second thought in reality. Take the new job it sounds so much better for you.

Thanks not very kind, I agree in a large corporate but not in OPs circumstances.

OP congratulations and hope the move goes smoothly they will understand why you e had to move.

It is a job. In the nicest possible way, you work and they pay you for that work. And I say this as someone that works for local government. You are entitled to leave and things will move on, that is life. Tell them in person first ensuring this is followed up in writing such as email and try and support them with a handover. Other than that - you do not owe them anything.

@rivalsbinge maybe it was a bit short. But I have worked in the third sector all my life and every time I have wanted to move on I have felt the same guilt as the OP but the organisation I have left always replaces me and they always move on.

I have moved jobs in the past and felt guilty. But honestly, and kindly, no-one is indispensable and they will find a way to carry on.
Your current work circumstances with all that travelling are not reasonable or sustainable.

Congratulations on the new job - enjoy!

This is the NHS. Your employer will not care one bit. They will get someone else. Your colleagues will miss you but they will very quickly move on too.

I felt like that at my last job but you need to do what is right for you and your family.

my new workplace had better pay and conditions for less hours so was a no brained. I handed my notice in (in person with a written letter rather than email as it felt more personal) they were devastated, tried offering me less hours, more pay etc but I needed a fresh start.

do what’s best for you!

I was in a similar situation a few years ago, NHS.

Found a new job and told my old manager face to face. Everyone said I’d never find such a good team to work in again and was I really sure?

Guess what? My new team is if anything nicer and easier to work in than the old team. And my old position was filled without any difficulty.

You have to do what’s right for you, go for it op!

OP, don't give it another thought. We think work won't manage without us, that they care, and that really isn't true

Work is business, it isn't personal. You must remember that.

And anyway, those hours commuting will eventually make you ill, and then you'll end up needing the NHS rather than the other way round.

Good luck with the new job.

I think this is so true. It’s testament to good management that you have a strong team and feel like an integral part of the workforce. It encourages people to work hard, cover for each other when absent and increases employee retention.

You are just a number though really. So many people leave workplaces and a week later no one mentions their name despite them having gone above and beyond for years snc been really good friends at the time. Not in a mean way you are replaceable, we all are.

Agree with all the above. I felt enormous guilt about leaving my last (NHS-adjacent) job as I really felt I was leaving colleagues in the lurch. I stayed for much longer than I should have done - and in the end guess what? they just got someone in to replace me and the world kept turning.

I'm sure your colleagues will miss you for a bit, but that's not a good reason to stay somewhere that's depleting you, emotionally and financially!

If you fell under a bus, they'd replace you without a second thought.

Congratulations on the new role, grab it with both hands and don't look back.

I hear how guilty you are feeling but really you’ll feel better once it is out in the open. You’re doing what’s best for you, it’s pretty clear to anyone that it’s the obvious decision.

as for how you’ll do it, I’d do this:
I would put a meeting in your manager’s calendar and then an hour or two ahead of the meeting send a pre read email where you outline everything you’ve said, explain that you’re leaving for a new role that is going to be better for you, but they you have loved working in your current team, you want to ensure a positive handover and you’re grateful for the support from your manager during your time in current role.

This way you don’t have to see the initial impact, when your manager hears. They get a chance to modify their face and start thinking about practicalities. Then you can have a meeting and reiterate your warm feelings about your current role and team and start discussing your end date, handover, and anything else that will help helpful for you to do during your notice period.

you’ll feel better when it’s done and this new role sounds much better for your work life balance- congratulations!

I get it but you need to concentrate on the reason why you’re moving on, I mean a £10’000 wage increase is amazing! Good luck

It is true though. The other option is for the OP to continue as she is, wearing her self out, putting herself, and her welfare last. She would be doing herself absolutely no favours.