Phone phobia

[Coocoopachu]

I have adhd and autism and I cannot stand the phone. However I took a job where I have to speak to people on the phone. I thought I could fake it until I make it but I hate it and it's making me so miserable. The job won't change but I don't think I can either. I will do anything to avoid a call and I think it's getting noticed. What would you do?

I’d get a new job.

You have a phone phobia, but took a job that means speaking on the phone?

Your poor boss. You've wasted their time.

Speak to your employer.

Maybe the fears can be alleviated through feedback and it is harder if you are waiting your turn to take a call and you maybe feel everyone is listening in, but try forget about anyone around you.

Are you around people you can otherwise engage with?

Many hugs x

This does seem to be a generational thing. Phone calls seem to terrify younger people.

Write notes/bullet points of what you want to say and see if that helps but if not, you need to change jobs.

Being of a generation that finds it slightly hard to understand the younger folks aversion to the phone, the world would have ground to a halt if we'd taken such a stance, I can't give you an answer on that but if Id taken a job that had some element that I was incapable of doing I'd wonder why and look for a new job

The more you do it the easier it will be?

This appears to be generational. I’ve noticed people who are younger prefer text than call, when you do call them, they seem perplexed you have rung instead of text (my kids anyway). I’ve also noticed the younger generation talk into the phone in front of their face as opposed to the ear, I can’t seem to understand how that one came about! I think more younger people will discover they have problems with phones as time goes on, it’s becoming a thing.

I think the best thing is to get a job that’s email based rather then phone based.

I used to hate answering the phone at work. I eventually realised I was anxious at the idea of being put on the spot to answer a question and not know the answer. I developed a few lines I could use when that happened (eg sorry it’s my first week so I just want to check before I give you the wrong info or sorry the system is down can I look into that and call you back?) it really helped

now I would probably say ‘no idea let me find out and get back to you’ but I mainly just deal with internal staff so it’s a bit different

How long have you been doing the job for?

I used to hate being on the phone but the more you do it the easier it becomes.

I also used to be terrified of meetings, now it just does not bother me.

I feel your pain. I’m autistic and hate phone calls - it does not get easier with time, at least not for me it hasn’t. Phone calls are harder for people with autism for lots of reasons, it’s not just a generational thing, OP hasn’t even stated their age!

My job also involves phone calls, one of the reasonable adjustments I have is that I only do phone calls at set times of the day in a quiet environment - this was recommended by occupational health. There isn’t a quiet environment at work so I basically only do phone calls when I work from home (this was suggested by my manager). I also have built up a list of common phrases I might need to say, like script I guess.

Does your employer know you have autism/adhd? Do you get any reasonable adjustments?

I’m 55 and have always hated the phone. Not diagnosed but I have a lot of autism and ADHD traits. Honestly I’d just find another job. I had to suck it up and get on with it when I was younger but it never really got much easier. I’ve got a job now that’s entirely email, face to face and pre-arranged zooms, all of which are fine. I can’t concentrate on a disembodied voice, miss speaking cues, can’t work out tone very well without a face, and my mind goes blank and I feel put on the spot.

I can relate to a certain extent. I do think there's a great element due to being ND.

In my case, I'm certain I have APD. For years I wondered why I struggled to score in listening test for foreign languages. I'm awful at taking notes on numbers or letters (names) on a phone. I could never hear lyrics even for those songs closest to my heart. It takes so much effort to catch sounds without the presence of that person who's speaking in front of me. I had hearing test done, all ok. Until a few years ago, I came across the concept of APD, it's become obvious. But no cure.

I also find it much harder doing meetings online. It makes me really uncomfortable. But not that something I have much control.

It's probably much harder for you, as I don't have ASD.

Do you think if you could find therapy like CBT that can help with the anxiety on phone? I do think if you feel less anxious, it could help you to cope better even the practical difficulty is still there.

I’m autistic too and used to absolutely hate speaking on the phone - I still don’t enjoy it now but I do find the more I do it, the easier it becomes.

Does your employer know you’re autistic and have you spoken to them about extra training or reasonable adjustments like using email or speaking face to face where possible?

Unless you can find a job where you never ever need to use a phone (almost impossible I’d have thought) then I do think it’s best to find ways to make it as easy as possible rather than avoiding it altogether.

Honestly you should never have taken the job. I’d look for something else but really most jobs may require some use of the phone so I’d work on overcoming this phobia if I could. It will really restrict your opportunities .