Is this a normal level of support or am I expecting too much.

[junnney]

DC (teen) has been admitted to hospital a few days ago. quite ill and may need transfer to a different hospital elsewhere. Treatment may last months. Currently we are on a general paeds ward and I have been asked to be there all day to support care etc. I don't sleep there as I have other DC who need me at home.

I explained the situation to work, also that I am not coping very well with the stress. I am a total wreck. Nobody set, oh sorry, how can we help you, do you need anything. Management has merely approved 10 days working out of the hospital ward (my role can be done remotely and doesn't involved phone calls or customer contact. It's a back office role). It's all really stressful. I have no idea how to return to the office after the 10 days are up if DC hasn't been transferred to a specialist hospital where my presence won't be needed. I have been there for a decade. next to no sick leave and a text book employee in many ways. I just don't know how to handle it all. Any idea. Should I approach management again (even though they seem completely disinterested). My direct line manager has not responded to any of the emails I sent. I got the OK for wfh from someone higher up... No sure what to do esp as it looks like I won't be able to return to the office for a little while longer.

What more are you expecting from them? Paid compassionate leave? It sounds like they’ve been pretty accommodating by letting you work remotely from the hospital. Do you not have holiday you can use? Who has asked you to be there all day to support them? The hospital? Assume this must be NHS?

Their response in your time of need is abysmal. Personally I would visit my GP and get signed off sick for a few weeks or month with stress so you can concentrate on your family. I hope your DD recovers soon.

People I know in similar positions have taken sick leave. You are genuinely very stressed, so that isn't unreasonable.

I hope your DC gets better soon

Hi, what kind of support are you looking for ?
Have they granted you any paid compassionate leave ? We can do up to 10 paid days. After that it would be unpaid or Annual Leave.
They have approved you to work from the Hospital for 19 days which is a reasonable adjustment.
But I guess you can’t do that long term.
Only other option would be for you to take Annual Leave or unpaid Parental leave.
Can appreciate how stressful this is but they still have a business to run so they probably have processes in place for this kind of thing.
Could you get signed off sick due to the stress ?
They should however be more caring and asking how you are.

There's two issues that you need to separate out. One is the utter callousness with which your LM is treating you. I can't imagine ignoring a colleague who is going through such a tough time. What an arsehole.

The second is the actual practical arrangements you need to support your daughter. Check your organisation's HR policies and work out what you want to ask for - annual leave? Compassionate leave? Parental leave? Or flexible working arrangements. What you can't do is just go awol, paid, for an unspecified length of time.

All best to your DD for a successful recovery.

Sorry DD or DS, you didn't say which.

Pretty appalling that no-one has spoken to you about how you're managing, stress levels etc. Your manager may be completely out of their depth and unable to directly authorise additional leave but that's no excuse for not asking the basic, decent questions and checking in on your welfare.

Definitely have a look at your workplace policies and see what kind of entitlement you have to paid sick leave, emergency leave, carers leave - it would be 100% reasonable to get your GP to sign you off to help manage your stress levels and mental health while caring for your child. You can also self-certificate for a week so if you just need a couple of days off to rest, regroup, or consider options then that doesn't need signing off by anyone else.

The important thing from your point of view is to make sure you use your various types of flexibility and leave to your best advantage. If you get signed off paid now, will you be able to be signed off, paid, again in the future if needed after discharge for example? Check through what kind of trigger points, if any, your employer uses (is it number of days absent, number of absences, is it within a calendar year or a rolling year) and think carefully about whether being signed off now would be in your best interests, or whether you might be able to work through these 10 days and save any sick leave for whatever comes next.

I hope things improve for you soon 💐

I have had 10 working days working from the ward approved.

I cannot afford unpaid leave or sick leave. I never requested (nor expected) paid compassionate leave.

I think it would have been just nice if someone would have picked up the phone to ask how we are and if there is anything else I need or an offer to extend the working from hospital (I manage fine). I don't know. I am just totally taken aback by the radio silence and don't know how to respond and what to say if I need more time on the ward.

I'm really sorry your DC is so unwell and I agree your work should be offering a bit more emotional support.

That being said, I think you need to ask for sick leave if you're (understandably) not coping - that's what it's there for.

I'm honestly surprised they've allowed you to do your job from a hospital ward as it is.

The company I work for would offer paid compassionate leave, though I’m not sure how long for.

Yes, compassionate leave I would think, ideally paid.

According to gov.uk, you’re entitled to it (although employers choose whether or not to pay you - any decent employer who could afford to would).

From the website:

Your rights
As an employee you’re allowed time off to deal with an emergency involving a dependant.
A dependant could be a spouse, partner, child, grandchild, parent, or someone who depends on you for care.
How much you get
You’re allowed a reasonable amount of time off to deal with the emergency, but there’s no set amount of time as it depends on the situation.

@junnney You are entitled to compassionate leave and they may pay you - it’s worth asking. See my post above.

In the NHS where I work, we're only even given a maximum of 3 days compassionate leave whatever the situation! Any longer people just go off sick, or take parental leave.

That seems really off
My colleagues daughter was diagnosed with cancer and she immediately left work, no questions asked and no work expected of her

We did a collection, work asked what she wanted to do re leave and we all offered to give up a day of annual leave for her to take from us so she ended up with about a month of annual leave paid
My manager just said keep me updated when you can but don't stress, your job is here and safe

Are you able to share the ward time with the other parent, or other family members, so you get some sort of a break?

Most compassionate leave is only for a few days - it's not really designed to be a long-term option. That's what sick leave is for,

Oh what a tricky situation. currently where i work someone is off sick with stress for a not dissimilar situation. The direct line manager reached out a few times to offer support and then was told they had been harassing them and felt as if they were being checked on. Now easier for no one to ask as usually conversations are ‘hows work’ ‘how is family’ etc etc. Everyone knows your busy with your situation, they are probably busy covering your work and hope you come back soon and your life gets easier again.
Focus on your situation right now and dont worry about work unless you need to ask for extra leave . Sorry its so hard for you x

I have no family or friends. H is working long days and is helping to support the other DC at home (incl one with complex needs). We are both struggling. his work cannot be done remotely though so it's just me going to hospital.

My son was diagnosed with cancer aged 3. I was off work for almost a year. I could not possibly have tried to juggle work, being at hospital, appointments and everything else. Go to your GP and get signed off with stress. Your work doesn't need to even know what is happening. And then take work out of the equation and focus on you and your child.

I’m really sorry OP, they sound very poor.

Did you ask to work from the hospital or did you ask what to do? The hospital should be advising you here which would generally look like getting signed off by the GP with stress. It is good they offered hospital working as this may well be something you are able to do once your child is more established in the specialist hospital and with treatment well under way. Currently, work should be the last thing that you are thinking of.

I am really sorry your little one is so unwell and I really hope that you both get all the support that you need.

OP won't you be paid whilst on sick leave? You should be

I hope you're not a line manager!

Most places I have worked would have given paid compassionate leave. What do you think it's for?

it's not cancer but I don't want to say what. Consultant suggested sick leave but it's unpaid (statutory) and I cannot afford that. It's that simple.

It may come down to booking a meeting with your line manager then and asking the question directly. It sounds to me like they're wussing out of having the conversation because they don't know how to handle it and potentially, if your permission to work from the hospital came from a more senior manager, they don't have the authority to actually agree to anything themselves.

The alternative would be to talk to your HR department if you have one - contrary to the 'don't trust HR, they only look after companies' rhetoric you see online all the time, most of us actually give a monkeys about our colleagues and usually know more about what entitlements people have (and how flexible the organisation can be) than managers.

Ultimately you may not have a choice.