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Should I stay or should I go now?

16 replies

TerribleMum10 · 25/02/2025 23:37

Tldr; I’m in a job I love(d) but the pay is rubbish and there’s been a culture change driven by one leader. I’ve been offered a new job with lots more money, but my employer wants me to stay and seem to be finally recognising my worth and promising to fix the mess. What on earth do I do?

I work in a professional office based role in the technology sector, have been with my current employer for around 3 years - initially joined in a very junior role after having to close my business (operating in an unrelated field) post-Covid, as I’d been out of this industry for 10+ years, felt I needed to rebuild my skills and being totally honest because I needed a job and income quickly.

The business were frank at interview that they were slightly concerned that as I was technically so overqualified I may not be committed long term, but accepted my assurances and I think realised they were getting a lot of experience for very little cost - albeit a little rusty due to the time away. After 6 months in the role, an excellent opportunity came up internally, I stepped up and have built and expanded that new role considerably, delivering excellent results. The role did come with increased recognition of seniority and a little extra pay, but not massively - and whilst it perhaps reflected what it was initially advertised as, it certainly does’t reflect what I’ve built it up to and the contribution I make.

There was a change of leadership in my ‘new’ department 18 months ago, and whilst the new leader has certainly helped deliver improved commercial outcomes they’ve also totally changed the culture - lots of oppressive micromanagement, massively stretched resources with seemingly no urgency to plug the gaps and immense operational challenges which could have completely derailed the business if it wasn’t for the team breaking their backs covering multiple roles and putting in lots of additional work to make sure we didn’t fail.

Having been as happy as I was previously in my role, I’d almost accepted the less than ideal pay and recognition as a tradeoff for that happiness in my work, as felt the culture was more important to me than money. As a result I’d not even been casually looking at other opportunities.

Now however it feels like the worst of both worlds! I have recently raised my concerns at director level, and I know others on the team have done the same.

After raising concerns but before receiving any feedback or there being any opportunity for action, I was contacted by a recruiter on behalf of another company, not a direct competitor but operating in the same space. Normally I’d not have even read the message, but given the situation I did follow up, and in a very short space of time completed an interview process which resulted in being offered a role with increased seniority and a remarkable package, more than double my current earnings! It felt like a total no-brainer, so I accepted and tendered my notice.

Clearly knowing the contribution I make, my current employer are very keen to retain me. Since submitting my notice I’ve been approached my lots of directors and senior managers positively gushing about how much I bring to the business, how devastated they’d be to lose me etc. I’ve been quite blunt that my reasons are predominantly around the change of culture and the leadership issues, with the money being secondary although it’s very much opened my eyes to what I could earn in a similar role elsewhere and how underpaid I am currently.

There have been lots of promises about putting things in place to improve, and even a suggestion that the leader causing the issues may exit the business given the number of concerns being raised by numerous employees. And I’m fully expecting them to make a counter offer financially too.

My dilemma is that I feel my worth is only being recognised because I was leaving, and perhaps my concerns are only being acknowledged and addressed too - although in fairness given how quickly this has all happened there had been very little opportunity to see what would or wouldn’t be done beforehand. Now it may be that they come back with a counter which doesn’t come close (and I actually think that’s likely) or that not enough can or will be done to improve the working environment and if that’s the case then it will only confirm my decision, but on the flip side they could also offer something which would be tempting. If they do, I’m left in a quandary as I’d potentially be giving up the security of a job I know well and have poured so much of myself into, for the great unknown…and we all know the grass isn’t always greener (that said, right now without changes it’d have to be cracked and broken concrete with the odd weed to be less green).

My current employer are very well established, financially secure and I’d expect to continue to thrive for the long term. The company who have made me the offer have in the past experienced difficulties, however have restructured and come out the other side seemingly in a good place on the surface, but that’s another concern.

As thing stand I’m sticking to my guns and actually feeling relieved and excited by a new challenge, but there are those niggling concerns about giving up what I know, what I have long term plans for and a culture in the wider business outside of my department which I do love, potentially jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire, and wondering whether I can recapture my passion if things do change and they can recognise my value.

I know I’ve got to do what’s right for me, but I really don’t know what that is. Sorry I know this has been a ramble, but any suggestions to help me channel and rationalise my thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

OP posts:
ProbableDoris · 25/02/2025 23:57

If they did counter offer at the same level as your new offer, but the leader causing the problems stayed on, how would you feel?

I think most companies know that even if they counter offer and the employee accepts, that employee won’t stay for the long term because they’ve discovered their worth. And it irks me that companies only do something about it when the employee gets a better offer elsewhere, rather than investing in their team all along. You say they’re financially secure, so why won’t they resource their teams properly?

maudelovesharold · 26/02/2025 00:01

If your current employers offered you anywhere near the money you’d get in the new job, in your position I would stay, because I’m risk averse and I like what I know!
You, on the other hand, might feel the need to branch out and experience working in a new environment . Only you know what your gut feeling is. If you stay, you might end up regretting it, and yes, you might regret leaving, too, but it sounds like you are in a position where they would be happy to have you back, if you felt you’d made the wrong decision

If they don’t offer you enough, then I think it would be silly to turn down such a large pay rise. I think it will be a lot easier to make up your mind, once your current employers have made their position clearer.

Nicecuppatea2025 · 26/02/2025 00:02

Leave.

You are correct: sudden praise from your current company is because you are going, they are sore they have been dumped and know that replacing you is a pain. If you stay there will be an initial honeymoon period but things will quite quickly revert to how it was once: culture and leadership takes ages / is very hard to improve so whatever they are promising you is probably just hot air to try and convince you to stay. They probably believe it themselves right now.

Also, did I read that right? Double your current salary? Wow. The new company clearly value you, straight off the bat.

I say go for it.

Carrotsandgrapes · 26/02/2025 00:11

Leave. Your current company only decided to adequately reward & recognise you once they knew you were leaving. The relationship has broken down.

a) if you stay, they'll revert to type. Don't expect this level of recognition to continue
b) they know now you've got one foot out the door, so they'll view you accordingly

And job change for double your salary? Grab it with both hands.

The best way to boost your salary across your career is to move companies.

TerribleMum10 · 26/02/2025 00:13

@ProbableDoris I think that would absolutely make my decision tbh, things have become intolerably difficult recently which is what prompted me to pop my head up over the parapet and take my concerns to the top, and also why I followed up with the recruiter when 18 months ago I’d not have even opened their message. I think if the leader stays, I go, money aside. Suspect that goes for others too, and that seems to be acknowledged by the company, leading to the suggestion they may not stay. And yep, that’s my biggest frustration on the money front tbh, it should take somebody resigning to prompt proper pay and resourcing.

@maudelovesharold Having experienced my own business failure, I’m a lot more risk averse than in the past, which is why I’m considering whether staying put in the ‘safe bet’ would be sensible, assuming they make fair counter, and address the bigger issues. But being honest I don’t think they’ll come close, and then if the other problems are resolved it’s probably a tougher decision when it’s just about money and the trade off is security.

@Nicecuppatea2025 Thats also the concern, and giving up such a great opportunity only to end up in the same boat down the line would hurt. Yep, double! That’s what’s made me really open m eyes, it’s not just a bit more but massively lifestyle and homelife security changing. Not being particularly financially motivated I’ve never lusted after money, but when so much more is on the table it’s got my attention, and as you say shows they value what I can bring.

Thank you, some great perspectives to get me thinking some more, much appreciated.

OP posts:
Muffinbakery · 26/02/2025 00:39

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Honeyroar · 26/02/2025 00:50

I think I’d leave. (Save a fair proportion of the extra money for a rainy day, just in case). You’ve been undervalued at your present company for a long time. They’ve not treated you well. And the agency would surely find you something else if push comes to shove?

RawBloomers · 26/02/2025 00:51

Have they done anything to mitigate your concerns about the job yet?

I would take all promises to change with a pinch of salt. Only believe what they actually do.

That they only acknowledged your value and responded to your concerns once you handed in your notice suggests they will try to get away with doing as little as possible.

Nicecuppatea2025 · 26/02/2025 07:48

This reminds me a bit of being a manager myself when someone in my team who I really liked a lot quit. The company culture was toxic and they were quite unhappy. It was totally the right thing for them to do but I still gushed about how valued they were and basically begged them to stay. Promised things would change, tried to counter offer etc. It was selfish of me to do that because (with hindsight) it was all about me, and not really about them at all.

At the time I was a senior leader in the business and the MD reprimanded me for losing someone good from my team, as it was very difficult to find a replacement. It was easier to try and ‘buy’ another 6 months out of this person which could give us more time to rehire.

But good for them. They said no. The company culture got worse anyway and I ended up leaving not long either too. I was in touch with that person for quite a few years and have a lot of respect for them.

Good luck with your decision.

EmmaMaria · 26/02/2025 07:56

I'm not going to repeat the good comments already made.

Go - if they saw a need to change it wouldn't take you leaving to highlight that need. Nothing will happen.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 26/02/2025 07:57

Leave

cinnamonbunfight · 26/02/2025 07:58

Leave. You would be mad to stay.

SleepPrettyDarling · 26/02/2025 08:01

I think you have to go, and go well. And make sure you depart on good terms - you never know when you might be glad you’ve left the door ajar.

Jcee · 26/02/2025 08:01

Leave - you've been highlighting concerns previously with no action taken. Sounds like your company has taken you for granted for the last 3 years.

The new role sounds like an exciting opportunity for you - grab it!

TerribleMum10 · 06/03/2025 23:24

Thanks everybody, fantastic feedback and really gave me food for thought. Apologies for the delay in responding, I’ve been doing lots of soul searching, talking through issues with my current employer (and negotiating what the future could look like) and also some research on the company who offered me the job.

With lots of (documented) assurances of change, practical actions already taken and a package which whilst not quite matching the offer on basic terms exceeds it with contractual bonus (which I’m confident I’ll continue to achieve) and some clear career and salary progression, I’ve decided to stay put.

I think this has really opened my employers eyes to the contribution I make, and whilst I perhaps shouldn’t have taken me handing in my notice for them to see this I also know that I’m not one to blow my own trumpet, or moan about workload or difficulties, so I can understand that it wouldn’t be obvious. I also uncovered a few concerns about the new place which made me worry about stability and job security, something which I don’t have to think too much about here.

Obviously as well as the changes being implemented I’m going to constantly review the situation and ensure I share feedback more regularly and openly so that I don’t feel I’ve passed up an opportunity for more of the same.

Actually feeling quite excited about my future here now, and certainly more valued for what I bring to the table. I guess only time will tell if it’s the right call, but it feels right for me now and that’s what matters.

OP posts:
poetryandwine · 07/03/2025 12:49

OP,

Have you finalised this yet? Can you slow down decisions with the other company until you get written assurances from your present one? How can you be sure your current manager is leaving?

I too think you should leave.

FWIW studies show that the large majority in your situation end up leaving within 1-2 years anyway, relations within the first company having irretrievably broken down.

Anyway, best wishes with this

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