Climb the corporate ladder or focus on time with your babies?

[OutsideEveryday]

Looking for advice, from all ages but mainly people quite a bit older than me and at a stage in life where they can reflect etc.

I’m 27. I have an 18 month old and baby number 2 due in May. I would love nothing more than to be at home with them more than I am currently, I miss my little boy like mad when I’m working.

I work in middle management for a recruitment company. It’s not fun, not fulfilling, I’m not passionate about it and it’s often quite stressful. But my salary is £46k, it’s a relatively easy job (I know what I’m doing and been doing it over 5 years), and I work 4 days per week, working completely from home. They won’t let me go part time or work any less days (my request was rejected).

So, pros and cons. What I’d really love to do is go and work with children. Either as a childminder, in a nursery or an SEN teacher. The pros to this would be that I actually enjoy my job, and could hopefully do it part time and be with my kids more. Downsides would be that pay is likely a lot less.

Me and DP have just bought our first house, and the mortgage is comfortable on my current salary, but would be tight if I were to take a pay cut of more than 10k ish. Saying that, DP is taking over his dad’s business later this year when he retires, so his income is likely to go up the end of this year.

Basically I’m asking for advice, on what I would regret more? Do I carry on in my job for the financial security, ability to overpay our mortgage and live comfortably, but miss out on more time with my kids?

Or, do I pursue something I enjoy a lot more, and something that would allow me to have more days off with my little ones, but likely taking a big pay cut and struggle to save, and probably just about afford the bills and not much else?

If I’m honest it doesn’t sound like you can afford to; if you could afford to then I’d say go for it but personally my experience of decreasing my hours to have more time with my kids was that it was lovely initially but then when I found that I couldn’t afford to do very much at all with them it wasn’t that brilliant

I think it's very common when your kids are little to cast around for a career that involves...little kids.

But they grow a bit and you adjust again, and you want to move forward to a new phase.

That was my experience anyway. I'd keep the job! I earn the same as you but with a decent sized commute and a lot of spinning of plates and stress.

You can't afford to work part time in a much lower paid job. You won't get £36k working a few days a week in a nursery. It sounds like your job has a lot of benefits so I'd stick it out.

In addition to the pay cut, you need to factor in the cost of retraining (both the direct cost and indirect cost of lost income during that time + placements/ internships).

If you change career you may not find a part time job at first. You will probably need to establish yourself working full time for a while.

Also, depending on where you live and the job you want, you may not find a job close to your home at first (as you will be new in a career without much experience you won't afford to be picky). Because of the nature of the job, the is probably not much WFH, so you may have lots of commute, that's more stress, tiredness and time away from your kids.

I'd look into retraining when you're on mat leave with your 2nd. See how you feel when number 2 is 6 months old and the dust has settled. You might need to start costing out childcare etc. Other options are look for a p/t job in the same industry or do a job-share with someone. It'll get easier when they're both in school and you will still only be early 30s.

Also you don't have to get married-married if you don't want to, but if your relationship is good then look into doing a quick civil partnership with your DP, if you haven't already. It's about £200 and you don't even need to have a ceremony but it protects you as well as if you were married if you're taking a pay cut.

I agree with this.

In your position I'd focus on the job I had and try to maximize my earning potential.

Also, you currently have a degree of flexibility that you'd be less likely to have if you were working in a nursery.

You'd probably be lucky to get 20k working on a nursery part time.

I was all for staying at home with my kids, which was wonderful but we could afford it on Dh's salary alone. We had a low mortgage etc. Now I work two days for not a great wage but I enjoy the flexibility

Honestly, I’d stick at the job. If you don’t like it, look during your next maternity leave for something else which will get you similar or more money - maybe HR management in a corporate setting? Something that’s not just about kids. I think if you’d wanted to work with kids really you’d have thought about this before having your kids and you’ll just not get a decent salary unless you are a qualified teacher - which you’d also need to retrain for.

As someone currently looking for the unicorn of a remote four-day week on a salary as decent as yours, I say keep the job! Staying at home with little kids is only fun if you can afford to have the heating on, feed them, buy ice creams in the summer, attend soft plays/National trust/go places/do whatever without having to think about it. Windswept playgrounds, browning apple slices in a handbag Tupperware and freezing church hall playgroups for 50p get old quickly.

You’ll have time at home with your little boy while on maternity leave with your new baby. And as they grow bigger they stay up a bit later and are, on the whole, less ratty during the witching hour. Now DD is at school I feel I see more of her than I did when she was at nursery (even though she does wraparound so the hours are the same) because she doesn’t nap, the days are structured around racing home for the nap, and she has more energy and interaction before school and after wraparound. When they’re tiny it can feel like “pick up from nursery whinge dinner bath bed oh I’ve missed a whole day of them now they’re asleep”. As they get bigger, the after-work time expands.

You'll be taking far more than a £10k pay cut to go part time in the types of roles you're talking about. You'd also probably find it difficult to re-enter your current area of work or similar in the future at the salary you're on currently. I'd stick with what you've got, it sounds pretty ideal and your kids will be at school 5 days a week before you know it anyway.