Raising concerns about my manager in a large multi-national

[Mugsandpens]

I work for a large, international company. It has strong HR policies about bullying, harassment etc.

Over the last two years my manager has quietly and subtly sidelined me through not giving me high profile project to work on (I have evidence that the work has not been fairly distributed), putting people who are junior to me in charge over me on projects, asking for my opinion in team meetings but then rejecting any of my suggestions, done deliberately in front of team to undermine me. I now very rarely speak up in meetings, in my annual review was told that as the most senior member of the team I should be contributing more and teaching younger staff.

I have been keeping notes for the last couple of years, including screenshots of team messages where she has been rude and dismissive of me. Writing this down, it doesn't sound like much but I am being deliberately vague on details - there is more and it's worse than this sounds but also possibly outing or recognisable.

Members of our team have joked about being depressed and wanting to leave. Bear in mind this is a household name and to get a job here is a huge achievement.

I have been raising concerns about her for 18 months and I have recently found out that people in other teams have also been raising concerns. So, next week, I have a meeting with her senior. I need to explain in a non-emotional way what has been happening and that they need to move me to another manager. My job within the company is fairly niche and I don't know how this can be done but I really can't afford to lose this job - I'm the breadwinner.

I think she is making it unbearable for me so that I leave, but not bad enough for me to raise a grievance. She often gets me to do presentations to senior staff so it looks as if I am being treated fairly. But she won't let me work on any projects where I would have to talk to them or develop a relationship with them, which she allows junior staff to do.

Is there anything I should bear in mind about what to say/not say? I have lots of evidence of not being treated fairly and where other team members are given leeways that I am not. I'm just really, really scared of going up against her, I have seen how she operates when someone is her 'enemy' and it is ruthless.

Part of me thinks I should just suck it up but I've been in counselling for the last year and feel genuine dread at the thought of seeing her every day.

I think you should ask HR to attend the meeting next week.
Make a bullet point list, but have your evidence to hand. Do not hand over the original of any evidence, give over copies if requested.

Good idea to make copies. I actually made a spreadsheet with all the info on it as I needed to get it clear whether this was all in my head and I'm making a fuss about nothing. But when I saw it all written down it was shocking and so much worse than I thought.

I find chat gpt very useful here. Put down my 'rant' full of emotional language down and ask Chat GPT to rephrase in a more professional and concise way (or something similar). Then it really helps to strip back the emotion. I would actually ask Chat GPT that you have a meeting with the senior manager coming up and can they rephrase as notes for your meeting.

Not sure about HR yet as I think then I will be in a situation where I will be in a formal grievance.

Not to drip-feed but there was a situation with this manager and another person and HR were involved. The other person had the most undeservedly horrendous time and ended up leaving in the most awful way. So if there is a way I can avoid this happening formally, I would prefer to do that, as she is relentless when she feels threatened.

Didn't think of doing this, thank you.This will definitely help. I don't want this to be dismissed as me being emotional. It doesn't help that the last two times I've met with this senior, I've cried.

I'm also going in with a list of suggestions of how to get me out of there. Hopefully this will make it a lot easier for them as even though I'm saying 'here's this huge problem' I'm also saying 'here are some solutions'

My solutions are: report to another manager (not really possible given the nature of the team/work', create a new role for me with a couple of suggestions where that might be possible, ask them if they know of any new jobs coming up, ask them to contact other senior leaders about possible roles.

If other people have raised concerns sounds like they may be trying to get the evidence together to get rid of her.

Just keep it factual and have your evidence to refer to if need be

In your shoes I’d be seeking an internal job move, unless your work is so niche that’s not an option.

Senior manager is unlikely to agree to your solutions and if you want to move jobs will likely encourage you to find a role yourself.

You say you’ve been ‘raising concerns about her for 18 months’: how & with whom?

It sounds like you might have discussed your manager with colleagues: be careful about that.

I’d focus on your strongest, recent facts and supporting evidence, eg distribution of specific work assignments, roles and reporting lines on projects, her manner of rejecting your suggestions, her messages to you.

In the meeting would completely avoid: speculating on her intent, motives, views: and on problems with her that others have mentioned to you.

Thanks for the comments, really useful advice. The previous reporting has been to her manager. They said that they was aware of issues with her, other people had reported them and it wasn't a surprise to them. They put various training in place but I think the upshot of this is that she has learned how to carry on with this behaviour but in a way that isn't so obvious so actually has made it harder to report.

The senior manager has both times asked me how other team members feel and I've said I can't speak for them. Unfortunately I'm the only one who will say anything, I think the others are too scared. Again, this is why I'm worried about it being my word against hers, even with the proof I have.

There is a lot of gossip in the office, it's awful. Originally, I never spoke about it at all, even when other people brought it up but regret having joined in some conversations when I was asked directly what I thought. Even the members of the team who get preferential treatment are stressed. They often ask me how to do something before reporting back to her with my ideas presented as their own as they're too scared to admit they didn't know how to do something. I just help them then try not to get too annoyed about it.

It might be helpful also to outline the adverse / detrimental effect on the company of your manager's actions to exclude / downplay your involvement.
And / or vice versa, the improvements / increase in quality or whatever if you had been involved in these particular projects.
Could you even put a financial cost on this.