Can’t cope after maternity leave and feeling picked on, how do I manage this?

[Outbookfs]

I am in a really bad place, please be kind.

I came back from maternity leave in mid January 2024. So around a year ago. We’ve had loads of changes in management and my confidence has been very low coming back but I have had good feedback from clients and nothing has gone wrong. My new manger seems to take issue with everything I do even though other team members have made similar minor errors. At first I thought I was being over sensitive but I don’t think I am. It’s clear he simply doesn’t like that I’m not as gobby as other members of the team and he knows I have full responsibility for dd during the week (partner works abroad weekly).

I just want to leave but not without another job as I am on a good salary. DP is supportive of whatever I decide. I don’t know how to handle this. My mental health is very bad but I wonder if going off sick although buys me more time to job search, it doesn’t look great. I have always been a good employee. I’ve had no sickness and always been available outside office hours. I feel totally victimised which I know isn’t the right mentality but I just want to get out. Can anyone help with the best way to manage this?

First option is to leave mentaly before you start looking for a new job.
Get your CV together and out in the market place too.
But going into work knowing that its no longer your problem can be freeing.
You can openly challange your manager the next time he picks on you because you are leaving anyway and he is facing a discrimination case.
You dont lower your work ethic just dont take 'pride in sucess' of the outcome.
You are looking for a job which will support you as a parent so one of your leaving reasons is your "old job can manage that" so a iffy report from the current job is expected.

Letting go if you can manage is better than going sick because the recovery is comming to terms with what happened and letting it go to move on.

The next option is doing the work to see if you can improve the relationship and keep in the job.
That is having hard discussions and being willing to go through a formal internal process. With a better work conditon or perhaps a payoff to buy off the problem or nothing changes /open bullying happens.

Of just go directly in for the formal process of bullying and pregnaency discrimination.

HAve you actually addressed your concerns with your manager?

@AnSolas thanks this is really helpful. I don’t know how I would make any discrimination reference as nothing overt has happened and the main things that went on were several months ago now when I was cut out of a meeting for example and it was extremely obvious that it had been done to me exclude me. I don’t think I have enough to start saying discrimination, I just know this new man wants me gone

I agree with the leave mentally but stay until you find something else. Just try and reframe your thinking, do your best work but start proactively looking for something else. I was in a similar situation but decided going off sick was not the best option, to be honest I did not want to give my manager the satisfaction of him thinking I could not cope. If your DH supports you then you have an exit to hold on to anyway. I was mentally at breaking point but stepped into a fab new role and felt better within days.

discrimination reference as nothing overt has happened and the main things that went on were several months ago now when I was cut out of a meeting for example and it was extremely obvious that it had been done to me exclude me.

So is the link coming back after having a baby and the fact that you are providing childcare as a single parent midweek?

https://pregnantthenscrewed.com/forms-of-maternity-and-pregnancy-discrimination/

https://www.acas.org.uk/managing-your-employees-maternity-leave-and-pay/discrimination-because-of-pregnancy-and-maternity

If so its because of your sex (more women than men do this) and maternity situation.

You need to look at the whole situation.
Are you just being bullied (and exclusion is bullying) because he has a personal dislike?
Whats the makeup of your team men/women (parents doing FT care during week?).
How long do first time mothers stay and how many have 2 or more pregnancy as employees?
Is he a parent and if so who is minding his children?
Etc.

List what has happened since you came back and how if differed from what you would have seen with other mothers or women in general.
You lilely need legal advice from ^^ (weblinked) or private from a HR specialist.

If its just a clash of personality can you solve it by moving managers?

Or if you go to his manager will he be pulled up on his pattern of poor management?
^^ will tell you more than anything else if you should stay or go. If the culture is poor or he is placed to fix a problem they will value him over you.

When you say you have full responsibility for DD during the week do you mean you don’t have any childcare organised?

@PinkFrogss ive had to do pick ups and illnesses etc, it’s all on me so it probably appears like I have other responsibilities (because I do)

@AnSolas thank you so much for this